Is your boyfriend always angry with you? Do you feel like you are constantly walking on eggshells in your relationship, instead of being who you are and just being your most happy self?
Irritability, anger, and fighting are some of the biggest reasons relationships fail. They are also one of the main issues married couples seek counseling!
If you’ve been with your boyfriend for a while, and he gets easily irritated with you, often without much reason, then you can’t let it go any longer, without addressing it.
Dealing with an angry partner means that you are probably a lot more careful and guarded in your communication, and even intimacy. You love him and want to be happy with him, but all you do seems to vex him! Nothing you say pleases him, and nothing you do is right.
He would rarely say why he’s irritated or engage in a deep analysis of his behavior. He’d just get annoyed at you, you’d be apologizing, and not knowing what you’ve done wrong…again!
You have to remember that this issue is not about something you did or something you said, and it’s all about your boyfriend and how he deals with his demons.
If all you want is peace and harmony in the relationship, but all you get is a moody partner, then life with them won’t be much fun! You probably blame yourself for his frustrations, you keep wondering how to make him happy, how not to annoy him, and you keep admiring the happy, stable couples around you.
Are you feeling completely helpless about how to make things better? Perhaps it’s time to call it quits as you’ve had enough of his moods and irritability? Or perhaps you know he can change and you remember times when he wasn’t so easily annoyed with you.
If your choice is to stick around and accept him being cranky, overly emotional, and possibly depressed, then here’s why he might be the way he is, and what you can practically do about it.
1. He has got a big ego
If your boyfriend is easily annoyed with you, he probably thinks you are doing something wrong, and he doesn’t like it. Not getting his way might be getting him irritated, as he’d rather control the situation. It’s all tied to being egotistical!
It’s an unattractive character trait that you probably cannot fix. But if he doesn’t want to lose you then he will need to let go of the things he can’t control and trust that you want his best.
Talk to him about it and explain how he makes you feel when he gets annoyed with you. What is it about you that he feels he needs to rant about? If he loves you, he will see his bad ways and apologize.
2. He’s stressed at work
Often guys are snappy with you because of external factors which have nothing to do with you. That still doesn’t make it okay! But it might help understand his ways, especially when he is really unbearable to be around.
If your boyfriend is constantly stressed at work and then you hang out and he brings his work s*** on you, then you need to be straight with him! Work is work, and love is not work.
Your relationship should always come first. With that comes effort, respect, kindness, patience. And the ability to spare our partner our negativity, even if it means avoiding them once in a while. A snappy partner will drain any happiness from the relationship. It will make you not want to hang out with him or be intimate.
Nobody wants to be close to someone who is moody around them. it’s such a turn-off!
Be honest with him and help him identify if he’s angry with you, or his boss! If he’s bringing work home, then he’s threatening your relationship. And if he can’t help himself then he either needs to change jobs or accept that you will find someone who treats you better.
3. He’s taking you for granted
Whatever his emotional state is, if he gets easily irritated with you and shows it, then there are two possible conclusions: he’s not worthy of you, or he’s alright but taking you for granted. If he’s that comfortable in the relationship that he will openly get angry with you, you may choose to see it as a good sign at first, but trust that long-term it’s a bad sign.
What he should be doing instead is putting all his effort into impressing you and sweeping you off your feet – it’s not saved just for the beginning of a relationship. He should treat you as a queen, not as someone who will always be there to pick up the pieces after one of his emotional tantrums.
Ask yourself if that’s the kind of relationship you want to have! And whether with the end of the honeymoon period, he’s just shown you his true colors and you’re not impressed with what you’re seeing!
4. He’s emotionally immature
You are either his first serious girlfriend or he’s always been this emotionally immature. Either way, a guy who can’t control his bad emotions around you is probably always bad news. Why would you want to waste your time on someone who merely can’t show you the respect you deserve?
Watch how he treats his friends, family, and especially his mother. It will tell you exactly the type of person that he is, and how he will continue treating you unless you set some boundaries.
Can he be helped?
Moody, angry, irritable men usually get stopped in their tracks when confronted about it, but not for long. He will need to make a choice – act like a grown-up, or you leave.
5. He’s wired that way
How much do you know about his past relationships? It can tell you a lot about his mental state and personality traits. Does he get annoyed simply mentioning his ex? That’s a definite red flag?
Does he call all his past girlfriends “crazy”? Has he mostly been dumped, but never really knew why? Is it always something they did but never something he did?
Perhaps he’s been like this his whole life and simply doesn’t know how to treat a girl with respect. Perhaps he doesn’t love you as much as he says he does. Perhaps he needs to be single for a while and you need to get far away from him!
If you sense that your boyfriend is just wired that way then make your mind about him!
6. He’s jealous
Of course, a guy who’s constantly jealous of you will be getting easily irritated. There’s no doubt that a guy who’s insecure about his girlfriend’s feelings will try to control her, tell her who to meet, what to wear, who to avoid…Do you want that kind of relationship? That’s no fun!
A jealous guy will always make you prove yourself to him, which is terribly exhausting. He will put you in situations where you will have to choose between him and something or someone else you love.
It almost always starts as a joke, or as a subtle hint, but with time he will end up manipulating you into accepting his ways, and not knowing which part of your decisions are yours, and which his!
If your boyfriend is making jealous comments just because he saw you speak to another guy, you need to set the record straight – you are not his possession, and if he doesn’t treat you with respect, you will find someone who does.
7. He doesn’t really love you
A guy who snaps at you, or gets easily irritated at what you say, is moody for no reason, or plain rude and angry, cannot possibly be in love with you. He will of course say that he is to make you stick around. He will apologize and beg you to forgive him after one of his outbursts, but deep down you know he’s not going to change.
If you are in a relationship with someone who never seems to be happy with you, then you are dealing with a common type of toxic person and the further away you are from him, the happier you will be!
Watch what somebody does, not what they say! Especially if he’s perfectly lovely one day, and horrible the next day.
You would want to make excuses for him and justify his bad behavior in your head:
“He’s got a lot on his plate at the moment”
“He’s usually not like this”
“I said/did something that angered him”
“He’s right, I shouldn’t speak to other guys in front of him”
“He’s just looking out for me, because he loves me so much”
Women are fixers. So naturally, you will be looking for the fault in yourself and not thinking clearly. Stop trying to excuse him and please him. You have no idea to what lengths he will go to try and keep you in his trap.
8. He’s cheated on you
One of the biggest and most painful reasons why your boyfriend might be moody with you lately is that he’s just not with you anymore – you just don’t know it yet.
As painful as the realization will be, if he’s cheated on you, or actually secretly dating someone else, everything you do will annoy him and he won’t be able to hide it.
Is he all of a sudden going really quiet, then getting irritated at little things you say, not giving you any indication of what might be wrong and what you can do?
If he’s cheating and not ready to admit it yet, then his entire behavior will have probably changed overnight. Watch out for the warning signs and confront him!
So, what can you practically do, if you’ve made your mind to stay with him?
First of all, you need to know the source of his irritability. Is it always the trivial things that vex him so much? Is it inexplicable jealousy? Or is he just stressed out at work and taking it out on you?
Men avoid talking about their feelings like the plague, but unless you get him to talk to you openly and honestly, then not much will change and both of you will be miserable.
Avoid blame language and use emotional language instead, describing how he makes you feel when he gets irritated with you. You can use one of these phrases to address it, which won’t come across as blaming or an attack.
“When you get annoyed with me, it makes me feel little and unimportant.”
“When you are being moody around me, it makes me regret spending time with you in the first place.”
“When you snap at me in front of our friends, I feel deeply humiliated even when I know I’ve done nothing wrong.”
“The way you treat me makes me feel like you don’t really love me.”
Using emotive language is a sure-fire way to get him to really think about his behavior and how it makes you feel.
It will also make him think about how the two of you look to others? Are you the epitome of a happy, loving, stable couple? Or are you two people stuck in a toxic relationship who don’t know how to interact with one another anymore?
Secondly, you need to be clear about what it is you will accept and what your boundaries are – first and foremost with yourself. If you are a timid, kind, patient woman who lets him treat you like a doormat, then how do you expect him to suddenly change his ways?
He probably doesn’t even notice when he’s irritated with you and how it makes you feel. He probably finds it completely normal, because you’ve let him!
Not saying you need to shout and slam doors, but if it makes him really see you and the pain you are in, then you might just have to! If you want to see respect from him, then you need to demand it.
Last but not least, accept that his issues are not yours to fix. No matter how much you love him, he might be a lost cause and he might never change. It’s no reason for you to fight reality, get upset, and accept all his bad behavior. Sometimes the best you can do is just put yourself first and leave.
Next time your boyfriend gets irritated with you, choose what to say, how to act, and whether to allow it. After all, if you normalize behavior that isn’t very nice, you have no one else to blame for being unhappy in your relationship.