If you’ve ever spent any amount of time with a narcissist, you may begin to notice that they have a tendency to grind others’ gears or rile them up.
A narcissist enjoys getting their thrills by aggravating others, as it is a means of controlling a conversation or even directing an entire relationship.
A narcissist may try to make you angry to gain control over a situation or to show that he is, in fact, in charge.
When you are able to identify a narcissist’s behaviors and actions, you can then stop them in their tracks before they gain control over you or how you are feeling about a particular situation you are in.
A narcissist may do a variety of antagonizing behaviors and actions to provoke others and to cause them to feel angry.
When a narcissist wants to get a rise out of someone, they may do some of the following:
- They may give backhanded compliments to those they want to upset or make them angry.
- They may insult an individual only to pretend they did not insult them, gaslighting them into believing they are hearing things or interpreting what was originally said incorrectly.
- Cause you to feel as if you are crazy by gaslighting various situations and experiences that you know you have had
- Tease you without laughing or without doing so in a playful manner, sending the message that what was said was, in fact, serious.
- Act as if they have no sympathy or empathy towards others, as those with NPD, or narcissistic personality disorder, rarely do.
A narcissist typically struggles with their own inner self-confidence and self-esteem, which can cause them to lash out at others or accuse others of poor behavior they themselves are guilty of.
Whenever a narcissist has the chance to make someone feel smaller than them, they will often take the opportunity to help make themselves feel better or worthy.
Because of the lack of self-esteem most narcissists have, they attempt to cause anger in others in order to feel as if they have some semblance of control in an aspect of their own lives, even if it is temporary and fleeting.
The true narcissist will enjoy causing others to feel upset and angry although they typically feel this way internally, even if they have a difficult time coming to terms with this fact.
A narcissist feels like a powerful mastermind if they are able to make those around them angry or uncomfortable, even if doing so only makes them appear arrogant and annoying.
Because the narcissist lacks plenty of self-awareness, he will not likely understand how others truly feel about him.
And, even if he does, he will find a way to turn the issue back on others, not on himself.
A narcissist will enjoy it when others are angry or upset, as this symbolizes a lack or a loss of control in the lives of others, which is also deeply reminiscent of his own life and current trajectory.
He may find satisfaction in causing anger and pain in others as he feels similar inside and may feel lonely or like a failure on his own.
You can often tell if a narcissist is trying to make you angry based on the type of comments he or she is making while talking to you as well as the body language they are using while communicating.
Once a narcissist has made the decision to attempt to make someone angry, they may do so with the following actions and behaviors, even in a public setting:
- Calling out an individual in a derogatory or antagonistic manner
- Making jokes at the expense of another individual, even if the jokes are deeply personal and potentially offensive
- Mocking someone in order to make themselves feel better about themselves
- Ridiculing someone who is looking for empathy and instead, causing them to feel even worse about themselves and the situation they are in
- Gaslighting those who call out their behavior, causing them to question whether or not they are imaging or exaggerating the actions and behaviors of the narcissist himself.
- He or she is unable to maintain their own self-awareness, causing them to always feel as if they are righteous and in the right and are never wrong or responsible for their own actions.
- They vocalize how they are angry or upset and how they enjoy causing pain, misery, and anger in those around them.
- They are unafraid to act out and display narcissistic behaviors in front of others, even if they are in a public location.
- They exhibit anger-based behavior themselves, due to feeling a lack of control in their own lives.
Is there a way to get a narcissist to recognize their actions and behaviors when it comes to making others angry?
You may have the ability to get through to a narcissist who is causing others to feel angry and upset, but only if they are genuinely bothered or upset by their own actions and how those actions have impacted their relationships and life.
A narcissist will only seek help once they are ready and once they are also ready to take a hard look at themselves and their own behaviors.
Not all narcissists will seek out help or therapy, which is why it can be so difficult to befriend, date, or even marry a narcissist.
However, keep in mind that many individuals do not even realize a significant other or a partner is a narcissist until years into dating, due to the narcissist’s own manipulative abilities and skills.
The best way to respond to a narcissist is to simply ignore them. Yes, ignoring a narcissist and distancing yourself from them is truly the best medicine and, in some cases, even the best revenge.
There is nearly nothing a narcissist despises more than being ignored.
If you want to send a message to someone in your life who is exhibiting narcissistic tendencies and behaviors, doing so by distancing yourself and giving them the silent treatment can go a long way.
Some tips to keep in mind to help you to remain calm and collected whenever a narcissist is trying to make you angry might include:
- Remove yourself from the situation as quickly as possible, whenever possible. Avoid exposing yourself to unnecessary lies, gaslighting, and rude comments whenever you are feeling smothered and surrounded by a narcissist.
- Give the narcissist who is attempting to rile you up the silent treatment. Leave the room they are in and distance yourself from them.
- Avoid responding to negative comments that a narcissist makes directly towards you or even passive-aggressively. Instead, switch the subject or isolate yourself from the narcissist altogether.
- Disassociate yourself from the conversation you are having with a narcissist, especially if they are being rude, condescending, or even derogatory.
- Avoid giving any credence to what a narcissist says to you. Do not validate their feelings or comments, especially when they are rude or directed towards you personally.
- Stand up directly to the narcissist and inform them that you are no longer interested in listening to them or even conversing with them, depending on the particular situation you find yourself in.
Unfortunately, narcissists suffer from a serious lack of self-esteem and self-confidence, which in turn can appear as a false sense of self.
For many narcissists, they may find it difficult to love themselves, and instead, find gratification and validation through the means of putting others down and being mean in order to get their way.
Oftentimes, narcissists are dealing with their own mental health struggles, which can cause them to lash out at others, even if they do not want to do so intentionally or do not wish to cause rifts in the relationships they have cultivated.
Some narcissists know exactly what they are doing and partake in their own narcissistic behaviors and tendencies gleefully.
However, there are also narcissists who are blissfully unaware of their actions and behaviors and how they also come across to others.
In these cases, the narcissist may find it difficult to understand why someone is getting angry or upset while talking with them, especially if they genuinely did not mean to upset them on their own.
If you are unsure if a narcissist knows what he has done, simply step back, remove yourself from the situation and observe.
A narcissist who knows what he is doing will conduct his actions in a very methodical and planned manner.
The narcissist who does not understand the impact his actions have on others may appear to be blissfully ignorant and/or confused when others no longer wish to spend time around them or associate themselves with them.
Yes, it is possible for just about anyone to make true changes in their lives, even if some changes are more difficult and challenging than others.
For an individual who has narcissistic tendencies, making changes is possible, but it will require commitment and plenty of effort when it comes to self-examination, self-awareness, and acceptance of responsibility and blame on their part.
All change begins from within, even in those with narcissistic behavior patterns.
If someone has been diagnosed with NPD or narcissistic personality disorder, they may find it even more difficult to face and overcome their own insecurities and a lack of self-esteem, especially without guidance or assistance.
Working with therapists and counselors goes a long way for those who have a formal diagnosis and for those who are well aware of the struggles they have with the narcissistic tendencies they display.
Whenever you are dealing with narcissistic behavior in your home, work life, or even in your close circle of friends, it is essential to learn how to identify toxic actions to help keep your distance when necessary.
It is not always easy dealing with a narcissist, especially those who are charming and charismatic.
However, it is more toxic to live with or surround yourself with a narcissist who finds it thrilling to upset you or cause you to feel angry.
With the right tools, resources, and mindset, you can confront and stop narcissistic behavior before it infiltrates your entire life.