Breakups are never easy. If the breakup with messy, those feelings of hurt and anger can stay with you for a long time after the relationship has ended.
However, some men might stick around due to reasons involving intimacy.
If your partner still wants to sleep with you after a breakup, it could indicate a variety of things.
It can indicate he still has feelings for you, has trouble moving on from the relationship, or a combination of both.
Sleeping with your ex after a breakup can be a chance to rekindle romance or a sign of a toxic relationship.
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Is sex with an ex a bad thing?
As men and women, we all have desires that need to be met by either emotional or physical intimacy (or both).
Biology dictates that women will have much stronger feelings attached to intimacy than men will.
This is because women might become pregnant after unprotected sex, leading to the next 18 years devoted to the upbringing of a child.
Men, however, might find themselves merely passersby of a relationship gone wrong.
Some men might totally abandon their responsibilities and children, unlike those who have become devoted to their relationships.
Being romantically involved with your partner can be an excellent way to grow closer together.
It’s never a “bad thing” to be romantically involved with your partner.
Notice the keyword there: partner. Getting sexually involved with an ex is a totally different thing and is likely not healthy for either of you.
Staying free of drama
If you find your ex-boyfriend still wants to sleep with you, ask yourself why. For instance, is it because they like having sex with you?
Is it because you’re a safe choice and it’s easier than dealing with other people? Listen to your gut on this one; you know your ex best and can probably figure out what is ulterior motives are.
Many men prefer to sleep with their exes because it is less drama. What does this mean?
For starters, it’s easier and more convenient than just finding someone else. Also, since you are no longer in a relationship, he doesn’t have the expectations to stick around like he would if he were to start a new relationship with someone else.
If you remove the drama and just focus on the physical, you and your ex could have incredible sex.
However, feelings of regret can influence your feelings for your ex.
Managing feelings of regret
If you were a good partner, your boyfriend might begin to regret breaking up with you after a time.
It can be difficult to let go of someone when you genuinely loved and cared for them.
If you and your boyfriend broke up for silly reasons, especially if they initiated it, then your boyfriend may start feeling regret for ending things.
If your ex-boyfriend was a bad partner and he comes to realize that, then he will regret it even more.
Sadly, just because it’s easy for you to let him go doesn’t mean it’s easy for him.
On the contrary, your boyfriend might realize too late that the ability to rekindle the romance has fled.
Although sex after a breakup can be fun and even cathartic, it’s important for your ex to understand that it will not lead you to get back together with them…unless you want to.
Familiarity breeds comfort
One of the most common reasons for your ex wanting to still have sex with you after a breakup is simple: comfort.
Think about the amount of energy it takes to get comfortable with someone and have sex with them. Is it difficult to take your clothes off in front of someone?
Do you feel guilty, awkward, or shameful being naked around them?
If you answered yes to these questions, then you understand how having sex with the same person is comforting and suddenly having to seek a new partner can be intimidating.
If you and your ex lived together for years and suddenly broke up, your ex might not want to let go of the sex due to the amount of effort it took to build your comfort levels with one another.
Many men might feel uncomfortable during their first dates.
This is never a fun situation, and your ex might avoid it altogether by simply trying to sleep with you.
An effort to wow you
There’s no shame in admitting it – some men are simply amazing in bed!
However, just because your ex is amazing in bed doesn’t mean they make the right fit for you and your life.
In fact, if your partner is great in bed, this can be something that causes insecurity.
If your partner is great in bed, this can be one of the ploys they use to win back your affection, show you what you lost, or simply feel good about themselves after a breakup.
Whatever their intentions are, remember to set boundaries when sleeping with your ex.
Although they might be great in bed, this is not a reason to disrespect you, cause you emotional distress, or use you.
Setting boundaries
As you can tell, there are lots of possible reasons why your ex still wants to sleep with you. If that is something you want to do, then that is well within your rights as a woman.
By having a casual relationship with one another, you can still enjoy each other’s company without the added stress of a relationship.
However, it’s important to set boundaries if you do plan on having a physical relationship with your ex.
For instance, your ex should never expect you to cancel dates or even talk to them about your dating experiences outside of the breakup.
These expectations can lead to feelings of jealousy and in some cases may be controlling. Instead, set boundaries with your partner when it comes to your new life, single or not.
If have a new partner and they request that you stop seeing your ex altogether, respect their wishes.
Similarly, if your ex suddenly wants to stop having sex, don’t force them into another relationship. Take the breakup one day at a time.
Learning to let go
Sleeping with your ex can actually be a fun experience. You might find you’re better off as “friends with benefits” or simply as “friends with your partner.”
Remember, there’s no shame in taking a step back from your relationship in order to redefine it.
Once you’ve outlined the basic guidelines of your relationship, you can go ahead and continue to set up a plan to protect yourself, such as saying no when your ex calls for a booty call.
Learning to say no, appreciating time for yourself, and taking it all in stride is one of the surest signs of healing after a relationship.
Get help
Breaking up with your significant other is never easy. It can also be complicated by feelings of intimacy.
It’s important to recognize the signs of an abusive relationship, which will help you to stand your ground against your ex and the sex between you (or not).
