We’ve all been there before. You really like a guy, you’ve been on some dates, and the texting… the texting is dynamic, hilarious, and non-stop. Suddenly though, he starts replying late, sometimes even a day after you’ve sent your witty, well-thought-out reply. He isn’t sending those flirty emojis anymore, and his replies are boring.
A week goes by, and he hasn’t replied to your text. Then panic sets in. Is he just not that into me?
Here are some valid reasons why he might not be texting you.
Understanding the Male Psyche
Men are expressive, larger than life beings. They do everything loudly. They shower loud, and talk loudly, and laugh loudly. They also tend to love loudly.
He’s Also Human
Sometimes, men, despite their good looks and their yummy musk, just aren’t the rom-com hero you are looking for. They may not have watched any romantic comedies or may have had terrible role models in their lives.
They Have Anxieties
We, women, tend to talk about our insecurities a lot. We talk about the shape of our eyes, and our pores, our feet, and everything in between. Men, however, don’t have that outlet.
Even with their closest friends, coming off as vulnerable can make them the butt of the joke or many jokes.
Most of their anxieties about being enough in a relationship or being liked back are never answered. So, they spend a good part of their adult lives just not believing in themselves.
They’re Bad at Communication
Men are superbly unexpressive. They might be at their own wedding and not feel the need to post anything about it.
This is just the way they are wired. They hide their pain and fail to express their happiness. On the other hand, women love to talk about their emotions.
No wonder women are from Venus, and men are from Mars.
Why Some Men Ghost You
While you might meet the occasional guy who’s great at communication, most of them still have a caveman inside them. This means that they usually use grunts and huffs rather than words to communicate. And typing out their feelings… Well, let’s be honest, even the most sensitive man struggles with that.
1. You’re Just a Notification to Him
Mobile phone communication is weird. We are still navigating behaviors and appropriate texting cultures.
If your primary mode of communication with a man is texting, you’re nothing more than a small burst of dopamine for him. He sees your text, feels a rush, and texts you back. When that rush wears off, he wipes your text off his notifications and moves on with his day.
2. He Might Actually Be Busy
If you’re really lucky, this might be the reason that he hasn’t texted back (for a week). Sometimes, people change their numbers or lose their phones, including all their contact info with them.
If this is the reason, chances are he wants to text you really bad but has just lost your number.
But, don’t get too hung up on this particular reason, gals, because it really is the rom-com reason for his static silence. It is very rarely true.
3. He’s a Bad Texter
Have you met those kinds of people who are great to hang out with in real life? They’re charming, funny, and interesting, without trying too hard. Then you exchange numbers, and you find out he’s the worst texter you’ve ever met?
And by worst, we mean… short responses, late responses, and responses that just don’t follow the script you had planned out in your head.
These sort of people tend to shy away from texting because it’s not their strong suit. He’s not texting you back because he doesn’t like you; rather, he is not texting you because he wants to wow you in real life.
4. They Are Emotionally Immature
Girls get hung up over small changes in text or tone more than guys ever do. When it comes to romantic relationships’ nuances, men just don’t use their brains a lot.
These guys may not text you for weeks because they’re preoccupied with something else (the new PS5, for example). They also might not be that emotionally attached to you.
So, don’t be surprised if you receive a random message from him in the dead of night asking how you are doing. He’s acting nonchalant because, for him, nothing has changed.
5. He’s Just Not That Into You
Men just aren’t coy about their feelings. It’s just evolution.
The harsh and likely truth is that if he hasn’t texted you back by now, he doesn’t want to. You can think it through or even overthink it, but he isn’t available because he doesn’t want to be.
He only liked you for a short bit and is no longer interested. Instead of telling you directly, he’s ghosting you, hoping you take the hint yourself.
Some men (the really emotionally unavailable ones), don’t care if you’re waiting for a reply. It’s over because they’ve decided that it is.
What You Should Not Do
There is no right way to deal with rejection. However, there are some incredibly incorrect ways to deal with the pain and hurt.
– Do Not Text Him
No matter what you do, do not double text him. Do not ask him if everything is okay. Do not ask him if he wants to meet. Do not text him. Period.
If you text him and he doesn’t respond, this will start the spiral of longing again. You do not want to look weak in front of anyone (especially not him).
– Do Not Text Him Back
If he texts you after a week or so, check his message and leave him with the “read” notification. Let him dwell on his stupidity. You do not have to dignify the mess he created with a response.
Do not send an emoji or even a small, curt reply. He doesn’t deserve any response from you.
– Do Not Send Him a Long, Emotional Text
Boys don’t read essays. He doesn’t deserve a smile or even an okay. Do not send a long essay about how he hurt you. He doesn’t care. If he liked you or cared a little bit, he would’ve texted you back.
Wasting your words on him will give him all the power he needs to hurt you again.
– Do Not Question Your Worth
Most of the women deal with rejection by beating themselves up. That’s not the way to do it.
Him not liking you might be a bigger problem on his part than yours. If he isn’t interested, there are a million other men who would absolutely adore your presence in their lives.
You need to know your own worth before you let anybody else decide it for you.
– Do Not Hold Yourself Back
Waiting for his reply must have drained you emotionally. The wait, the want, the waste, it all adds up to make you feel stupid for even trying in the first place.
However, don’t put a pause on your life for another person, especially a person who could not even bring themselves to text you back.
If you aren’t his priority, he should not be yours.
What to Do Next?
We’ve observed men’s behavior from every angle and we’ve concluded that–if he isn’t texting you back, he just ain’t worth it.
Here are some steps you can take to heal your heart and start living the boss-girl life we know you’re destined to live.
Delete His Number
Delete the texts and wipe the pictures from your phone. Your phone is your network, and he doesn’t belong there anymore.
Send his name, number, and his pictures into the little dustbin icon on your phone. That’s where he deserves to live.
Find a Texting Rebound
You’re young, beautiful, funny, and interesting. Simply put, you’re a catch. If that man can’t text you back, he should no longer have your attention.
We’re sure your DMs are filled with handsome men who’d lay out a red carpet on your first date. Give them a chance. They might not be your first option, but they’re definitely worth looking into.
Text your heart out. Text till you get bored. Make the universe right again.
Find a Fun Outlet
Life is good. Berating yourself about a guy who didn’t realize how good he had it with you isn’t a good way to go through life.
Although rejection is tough, you can definitely overcome it.
Take a fun yoga class. Hang out with your girlfriends. Go out on that blind date you’ve been postponing.
Life has a funny way of helping you cope with sadness. Welcome it with open arms and embrace the wonders.
Sometimes, the men are at fault. They’re unavailable, snooty messes. Other times, we women lack in a place or two.
Think about your texting patterns and analyze how you date. Do you tend to come on too strong? Do you sound too uninterested and end up making the guy think they’re invading your personal space?
A great way to deal with rejection is to track your steps back to see where you might’ve been wrong and how you can correct yourself.
Put That Phone Away
Staring at your phone all day will only increase your misery. You cannot jump on your phone at every ping, seeing if he texted back.
It’s not right for your mental peace. He’s making you feel like an unhinged, clingy mess who is emotionally dependent on validation from others. That’s not a good guy.
No matter how much you liked him, it’s time to leave.
Use Art to Express Yourself
Art is incredible. There are so many ways to express yourself, and none of them are wrong. You can write a song or pages and pages of incoherent notes in your diary. You can paint, listen to music, or go to town on your rusty guitar.
You can be so much more than your grief. You can be free.
Shed Some Tears
We all go through these moments in our lives when we find a person who’s just like us. They understand our jokes, sweep us off our feet, and make us laugh. Then they stop texting us back and make us feel unwanted.
It hurts a lot. The best thing to do is to shed some tears and let the pain out. Then move on. There is no optimal healing period for rejection. Whatever you choose to do, make sure you’re at the center of it.
Here is a man who didn’t text you back and showed you exactly who he is, just three dates in. Isn’t that miraculous?
Many people find out late in life that their partners are cheaters, have anger management issues, or are emotionally unavailable. They’ll have to live with that for the rest of their lives.
You, however, got the chance to nip the relationship in the bud before you got too attached.
Get Your Power Back
Resume your daily life when you’re ready again. Meet your mom for that dinner she has been planning, and show up to your co-worker’s birthday party. These are people who care about you. They value your existence. They want you to be around.
Open up your heart and feel their love. If your heart feels frigid, it’s only the warmth of love and friendship that can thaw it.
Give Love a Chance (Again)
You’re a hopeless romantic. You have always been one. You were a hopeless romantic before you saw Ryan Gosling in Crazy, Stupid, Love and before you fell in love with Hugh Grant in Love Actually.
Love makes the world go round, and it should spin your world too. Give into romanticism and meet new people. Form new friendships and fall in love again.
Life’s too short to be hung up on one guy (who doesn’t even text you back!).
It’s terrible to go through this cycle of rejection. However, it’s a sign of strength to go through something painful and get back up again. You always come out stronger in the end. But, in the end, remember: if he doesn’t text you back, it’s his loss, not yours.