Marriage is a beautiful journey that takes some time to adjust towards at first. In time, you’ll experience a vivid bond that only grows more resilient.
While the wedding planning is a frenzy of white lace and cake icing, marriage is anything but. Most of us are so preoccupied with deciding a theme for the biggest day of our lives that we forget that you’ll soon be two parts of a whole.
Scroll down to learn just what that means, and to find out the top 25 things that nobody ever tells you about being married.
1. Marriage Isn’t a Fantasy
No matter how majestic your wedding pictures turn out, you’re not a Disney princess. While you may have the same sultriness as a princess and a Prince Charming to boot, remember that marriage isn’t a fantasy.
Your partnership won’t always be simple – and there will be many tough times that you’ll have to go through together. These stumbling blocks will only strengthen your bond, not weaken it.
2. You Will Fight – a Lot
Since you guys are now sharing a living space and a life together, you’ll eventually butt heads together and quarrel, often about trivial matters.
It is unavoidable for married people to battle. Arguments over trivial matters such as house chores, dinner, or bill payment may sound simplistic, but they’re bound to cause you and your partner to dispute or be frustrated by one another. Couples fight, even in healthy relationships.
3. He Might Drive You Insane
While it might all be all roses and romance right now, you’ll learn new things about yourself and your partner as the marriage progresses. Be ready for the great possibility that some of your partner’s habits will drive you insane at first.
For example, uncapping the toothpaste tube but never capping it again takes little effort. But do some husbands still fail to do it? Absolutely.
4. Keeping the Romance Alive is Hard Work
As a couple, you may notice that your desire for romance and affection has waned after marriage. This can be because both of you become distracted with work, children, and other responsibilities, and may not have the time to spend on romantic or meaningful dates with each other.
5. With Time And Commitment, Love Will Blossom
Even if you aren’t blooming with love every single day, it doesn’t mean you’ve started to hate your partner. You’re just busy – and that’s okay. He’ll always be at the back of your mind doing cartwheels in his red boxers. It takes effort, time, and commitment to keep the love alive in your relationship.
True love develops over time. Love starts as a barren landscape that needs care and attention. The resulting flowers will bloom for a lifetime if the landscape is well-watered, and the weeds are constantly removed.
6. Marriage Needs to Be Nurtured
Remember the sleepless nights you spent running around when you were planning your wedding? Do you remember how hard that was? Well, marriage is going to be harder -a lot harder.
Marriages need to be nurtured. They’re hard work. A seed doesn’t germinate when it isn’t provided with water. Similarly, marriages don’t grow when there is no mutual love or respect present.
7. You’ll Both Evolve
You can evolve as a couple and independently over time. Throughout the process of your relationship, certain memories, traumatic events, and other conditions can influence your thoughts and feelings.
Change is good, and shouldn’t be feared – as long as you and your partner retain open lines of communication.
8. Change is Good
If you marry a 28-year-old, you don’t expect him to behave like a 28-year-old when he’s 40 or even 70. Just like he wasn’t the same person when he was 21, he won’t stay the “same” after you get married. This doesn’t mean he’s devolving, rather he’s evolving – and becoming better.
9. You Marry His Entire Family
This may sound old-fashioned, but it still holds true today. You don’t just marry a man; you marry his parents, siblings, and even pets. You bring all of those people into your life and make a conscious decision to be there for them whatever troubles they may go through.
10. You Might Not Always Be Attracted to Him
We live in an image-driven world, where the media tell us that if we’re not extremely attached to our partner, we’re with the wrong guy – but that’s just not the case.
You might not be attracted to your partner when they’re sleep-deprived and have massive dark circles, when they’re wearing socks and undies, or when they’re flossing their teeth. But does that mean you have to call it quits? Of course not!
11. Your Relationship Will Go Through Many Stages
Your relationship will progress in stages. Often you’ll be crazy in love. Other times, you’ll feel like good friends, and still be be juggling work, children, buddies, and obligations on auto-pilot. There will be moments when you are sexually drawn to each other and times when you aren’t, and that’s perfectly fine. Accept the changes and stages as they come.
12. You Won’t Always Like Each Other
Your partner used to be the person you couldn’t get enough of. Now, you’ve had enough of him.
His jokes can make you want to strangle him. His mountain-sized pile of laundry can make you want to run away. That’s just how it goes when you spend so much time with one person.
When it comes to our family, we make our peace with these things, but when it comes to spouses, we hide under the illusion that we’re expected to like something about each other all the time.
13. You’ll Become Better at Communicating
Communication is the foundation of any happy relationship, and will become easier for you and your partner over time. Sincerity is the secret to having open and balanced conversations about your lives, feelings, ideas, beliefs, and everything in between.
Make sure to read 13 Tips for Communicating Effectively With your Partner for insightful ways to improve communication in your relationships.
14. The Way You Have Sex Will Change
Sex before marriage is intense and passionate, and you’re up for all sorts of weird things at all hours. But when you get married, the way you have sex changes too.
Sex after marriage becomes more sacred. In the spur of your busy life, finding some time to show your partner how much you love them is a beautiful thing, and also means so much.
The movements will become softer and more deliberate, and while you may still have passion and fun, the way you love each other will feel warmer and somehow more intimate.
15. You Will Go to Bed Angry (Sometimes)
People always say things like “never go to bed angry,” but that definition is impractical and, according to research, even harmful. There’ll be evenings where you and your partner have a heated disagreement, and both of you would rather go to bed than step back into the ring – and that’s normal!
16. Parenting is No Bed of Roses
Parenting is exhausting, daunting, beautiful, and stunning – and it’ll test even the strongest marriages. It’s a small wonder couples survive raising kids without going absolutely berserk. There’s so much pressure on time and fulfilling needs other than your own that the relationship is bound to suffer.
17. Your Relationship Will Change After You Have Kids
When you have children, the dynamics of your lives and your marriage will eventually change. However, it isn’t always a bad thing – and several couples discover a deeper love for one another. Expect things to change. Most couples welcome this transition as a different extreme of affection and emotion expressed in their marriage.
18. Marriage is a Journey
Marriage is not a “happily ever after” situation. It isn’t the end of the track, or the place where everlasting happiness awaits. Marriage is one of the most difficult and rewarding journeys we can take as individuals – so set realistic expectations, and move forward accordingly.
19. You’ll Have Periods of No Sex
Periods of no sex are an unavoidable part of a marital relationship. A dry spell doesn’t mean you’ve lost your magic touch or will never have sex again. It simply means that sleep takes precedence over sex this week.
Once the kids are away and you’ve caught up on your sleep, you can hit the sack in all kinds of new positions!
20. The Grass Isn’t Greener
Many people end their partnerships because every other couple else seems to be much more in love than they are. They think the grass is greener on other side, but all of that is an illusion.
Other people may seem happier, but that isn’t always the whole truth. Then again, even if they are, you can be happy too if you took the same interest in your marriage.
21. You Won’t Always Be Happy With Each Other
You can’t be held responsible for another person’s happiness. You won’t be able to fulfill all of your partner’s needs, and shouldn’t have to. Inspire and help them, as well as do lovely things for them, and be there for them when they’re having a bad day – but you’re not the starling of joy. What they make of their lives is entirely up to them, and it’s the same way for you.
22. There’s Beauty in Marriage
Once you let go of the fairy tales of everlasting bliss, you’ll discover that the truth of marriage is much more vibrant and satisfying than you could ever have imagined. Yes, it’s complicated and aggravating – but marriage is full of its own strong, quiet enchantments, which are better than any storybook.
Discover that marriage is more of a journey than a goal, with equal measures of anticipation and boredom.
23. You Won’t Always See Eye to Eye
Once you start living with someone every single day, you’ll see a lot of them. Instead of being endearing, your partner may start being super irritating. Their lifestyle choices will inevitably become a part of your relationship, no matter how good, poor, or ugly they may be.
Learning to agree to disagree is the secret to coping with those behaviors. Adopt the attitude that your partner’s view is as valid as yours – it’s different, not incorrect or wrong. By loving them, thorns and all – you’ll see a much more compassionate side of yourself.
24. You’ll Crave Alone Time
Once you’re married and have kids too, your house will become crowded. It’ll become noisy, loud and too dramatic to survive in. It’s easy to feel overwhelmed at that moment, but as a wife or a mother, tumultuous times will become your one constant state of being.
Craving alone time is normal, so whenever you can, you should escape for an hour or two.
25. You May Find Other People Attractive
Hey, we’re all human. When we see a tall guy with crystal blue eyes and a gorgeous body, we might be tempted to ask for a divorce – but we don’t, and that’s okay too. Finding other people attractive is not cheating, but flirting with them definitely is.
The Bottom Line
Everyone makes mistakes. Your husband will make you laugh and cry, frustrate you, and even make you go absolutely bonkers – but it’s all a part of the surprise-filled package we call life.
The important thing is to forgive what can be forgiven and to forget what should be forgotten. You’ll grow stronger, wiser, and happier as individuals and as a couple by giving and receiving, choosing to adapt, and remembering how to appreciate your partner. Only then can we live life to the fullest.