Measuring “how far” you’ve been with someone is often measured in bases. In fact, you may have used this base system in high school, where students bragged about “getting to third base”.
The classic base system includes:
- First Base: Kissing
- Second Base: Stimulation with hands
- Third Base: Oral stimulation
- Home Run: Sex
Read on for more information on how these bases work – and to learn a new base system that’s perfect for adult relationships.
The first stage in any romance should bring strong feelings of lust. Sexual attraction is one of the key factors in a successful romance.
If you’re not attracted to each other, it’s a definite sign that the relationship isn’t meant to be – especially with the strength of lust fading over time.
At this stage, there isn’t necessarily any deep connection between the two of you. Of course that can build in time, but this base is purely about attraction. If you’re flirty with each other, then you’ve made it to first base with success. You might have built up sexual tension, which will undoubtedly take you to one of the next bases.
Be cautious: Lust can prevent you from seeing red flags, since lust is a basic feeling with no instinct.
There’s nothing quite like that first kiss. Whether it’s a small kiss or full-blown make-out session, this is the time to release all of that built-up lust.
The first kiss carries a lot of pressure, especially if you want to start a relationship with the person. But don’t worry – just be in the moment, and everything will go smoothly.
Women are generally known to give more affectionate kisses to their partner, whereas men want to advance to the next base as quick as possible. If he does act this way, it’s important that you feel safe with communicating how you feel.
You should never be expected to go further than you are comfortable with, regardless of whether you have been on 3 dates or 23.
3. Sensual Touch
With your lips locked together, it’s remarkably easy for the hands to wander. In fact, an innocent kiss can quickly turn into a make-out session, with your hands exploring your date’s body.
Examples of sensual touch can start with simple arm strokes, and quickly lead to hands around the waist or bum.
It’ll be tempting to skip the foreplay and head straight for the bedroom, but the secret is not to rush through this stage just to get to the next step. Keep the passion going with subtle touches that increase in intimacy; this is the best way to build sexual tension.
The build-up you can create with sensual touch is nothing short of amazing. In fact, it’ll make the next stage even better than usual.
Focus on erogenous zones, including the lips and ears. These are areas with huge amounts of nerve endings, which make them sensitive to the touch. Touching these areas will leave you and your partner feeling super-connected – which is way better than jumping into bed and getting things done in minutes.
It’s also worth exploring and asking where your partner likes to be touched most. Many people have their own unique erogenous zones, like the feet or lower back.
4. Getting Intimate
The intimate stage includes any sexual behavior that involves skin-to-skin contact. Things are definitely getting serious if you have reached this stage!
Be sure to communicate what you like, as well as what you aren’t ready for yet. Everything will be more enjoyable if you are completely comfortable with what’s happening in the moment.
Since it’s probably the first time you’ll see each other naked, it’s completely normal to feel nervous at this time. Chances are, your partner is feeling just as vulnerable as you – so there’s no need to feel like you’re being judged too harshly. Remember that you’re in this situation for a reason – they find you attractive!
5. Going All the Way
Finally, you’ve reached the last base: Sex. Whether you’ve been waiting for two months or got there in one week, making it to the final base is a big deal.
It signifies just how much you want each other, and usually starts the next stage of your relationship – a whirlwind of passion.
Don’t listen to anyone who comments on how you “jumped into bed quickly” or how “frigid you are”. You should be happy with however long it took to get there. The only things that matter are your safety and happiness.
It may sound obvious, but this is an intimate moment that can’t be reversed. Make sure you’re completely certain and confident with your decision.
Having a conversation about the following is important before making the final step:
- For some people, sex is simply a pleasurable experience with no strings attached. For others, sex is an emotional experience that connects two people. Problems arise when each partner takes an opposing view.
- Discuss your sexual history, how much you like the person, and even how you like it best. You’ll benefit from talking about the positions you like, how fast you like it, and the best areas to focus on.
It’s common for it to feel awkward during your first time with a person. The solution is to relax, have a good time, and enjoy the moment for what it is. This isn’t a Hollywood movie, so some clumsiness is to be expected – and can really ramp-up the laughter and overall experience.
What is a Strikeout?
Just like with baseball, a strikeout means you don’t even make it to the first base with the person you fancy.
A strikeout can happen for a variety of reasons. In fact, it doesn’t necessarily mean you can’t get anywhere with this person. Maybe they were too drunk, they are about to go travelling, or they like to take things slow.
The Importance of Communicating
What Are Your Boundaries?
Before you make a run for the last base, it’s important to consider how far you actually want to go. This includes the speed at which you move from base to base and which bases are off limits.
It’s important to always communicate your boundaries with the person you are dating. Whether you don’t want to sleep with them before marriage or you want to stay friends for a while, the other person needs to know.
If you don’t feel comfortable having these conversations, then you have to question whether this person is right for you.
Although there is societal pressure to move quickly, move at your own pace. Some people follow rules like “the third date rule”, which says that people should be sexually intimate by the third date. You can follow this rule if you’d like, but the choice is yours.
Your date should respect your wishes if you need more time. If he doesn’t want to, then he’s not the right guy for you.
Talk About What’s Next
Once you’ve made it to the last base, you can decide where you want to take the relationship – whether you want to part ways, keep things casual, or even start a committed long term relationship.
Not all relationships start instantly. In fact, there is usually an “exclusive” stage, which allows each person to test the waters before becoming fully committed. If you like the person you’re dating, but you’re not ready to fully commit, introduce the idea of being exclusive – while taking things slow.
The main requirement is that the two of you are on the same page. It doesn’t matter if you want to keep things casual or get serious. You just need to both have the same views and goals moving forward.
The Bottom Line:
The 5 bases in an adult relationship may be similar to the old bases from high school, yet they involve more intimacy and maturity. For example, getting to first base isn’t such a big deal when you’re 30 years old. We’d much rather build a solid connection with someone while making that journey to the final base.
It’s worth noting that the journey is just as special as the destination. Try to enjoy each base in your own time. Rushing through the bases will only result in losing the enjoyment and uniqueness of each base, so make the most out of each one.
Regardless of which base you get up to in a relationship, the main thing to look for is a person who treats you with respect and goes at a pace that you’re comfortable with.
If you’ve found someone you can trust, then enjoy making your way through all the bases…… and have fun.