It’s great to be in love with a person who is all yours and treats you like you’re the most important person in the world. However, sometimes this same person can become the bane of your existence.
Whether it’s being overbearingly clingy or simply having low self-esteem, many insecure boyfriends project their insecurities onto their partners, which can lead to a myriad of problems.
While having a possessive boyfriend can be, in some instances, insanely attractive and hot, going overboard with the protectiveness can make everyone uneasy. This can lead to fights and disagreements and also –in extreme cases – to instances of abuse.
So, what can be done to avoid these situations before they ever happen?
If you start seeing red flags or noticing cracks in your relationship, it is necessary to identify them and recognize them as indicators of a potentially abusive relationship.
Remember: Abuse isn’t always physical, but is always detrimental to the victim’s emotional and mental health.
Here are some signs you have an overprotective boyfriend:
Signs You Have an Overprotective Boyfriend
1. He Wants to Know Where You Are at All Times
Let’s be honest: It’s a tough world for women. Even in the most secure towns and cities, women can find themselves the targets of dangerous or manipulative men. A boyfriend taking care of you or wanting to know your whereabouts is sweet and protective, and in some cases, a very chivalrous thing to do.
However, some boyfriends can be a bit too much to handle. They want you to send them your GPS location and call you every ten minutes to see what you’re doing or where you are – and there may be a sinister reason behind this.
If he’s checking up on you every couple of minutes, it just means that he doesn’t trust you to have a life of your own.
2. He Doesn’t Want You to Be Friends with Any Other Man
Of course, before you met him, you had a couple of male friends who you enjoyed hanging out or working with.
If you notice that your boyfriend tenses up or starts acting weird when you mention these male friends, then you have a problem on your hands.
While it’s not okay to constantly talk about these male peers or casually flirt with them, cutting them out of your life because your boyfriend says so is not healthy at all. Remind him that these people were in your life before he came and will stay in your life if you continue to date.
3. He Wants to Check Your Phone
Another sign that your boyfriend is, in fact, too overprotective is that he wants to check your phone.
Everyone’s phone is their private property, and even if they have nothing on their phones, it is still an incredible violation of trust to go through someone’s phone behind their back.
A sign of trouble might be if he starts eavesdropping on your conversations, sees you smiling at your phone and peeks in, or even outrightly asks to see your phone if you use it for too long.
4. He’s Insecure About Your Past
Everyone has a dating history, and unless this is your very first relationship, there is a good chance you have a long list of boyfriends that you dated before you met your current partner. That is the natural course of any individual’s romantic life.
However, when it comes to your boyfriend, he sees your dating history as a red flag. This man will constantly interrogate you to get more information about your past relationships, what went wrong, and who broke up with whom, questioning you until you feel exhausted.
He’s not doing this out of natural curiosity. He just wants to make you relive past failed relationships and feel guilty about them.
5. He Wants You to Ask for His Permission
Another surefire sign that your boyfriend is extremely overprotective of you is that he believes you should seek his permission before you go out.
And going out does not always entail going out with friends or to a party. Even if you’re going out for groceries or just to the shopping mall, he either wants to accompany you everywhere or wants you to ask his permission before you leave.
Of course, this doesn’t include boyfriends who want to know where you are for peace of mind. This is a man who wants to keep tabs on you all the time.
6. He Dictates What You Can and Cannot Wear
Ladies, remember that abuse isn’t always obvious, and there are many sneaky ways to drive a person insane. Not all kinds of abuse are visible or even overwhelming. In fact, most abuse comes in the form of “sincere advice” and through phrases like “for your betterment,” “to protect you,” or even “I’m doing this because I love you.”
One way this manifests in an overprotective boyfriend is by him trying to dictate what you should and should not wear. He will tell you he’s only trying to protect you, but will also say things that sound sweet, yet are incredibly misogynistic.
7. He Stalks You
If your possessive partner is stalking you in person or on social networking sites, it’s an indication he’s quite controlling.
Say you’re out with the girls one night, and he knows it’s just the girls. If he shows up unexpectedly, saying he just wanted to check on you, that indicates he is incredibly possessive. A possessive partner might even follow you around all night.
He may even create a fake Instagram account to try and catch you doing something wrong – this is a sure sign of a toxic and controlling relationship.
When someone goes to great lengths to impersonate someone else or spends his leisure time tracking you – on his phone or in person – he has serious trust issues.
8. He Feels Entitled to Your Attention
There’s a common mistake that many people make when they are in a relationship: they abandon all other aspects of their life to make time for this new special someone. While it is important to make time for the things that matter in life, your boyfriend is not the only thing in your life.
Your education, career, and friendships are just as important as his, and you should pursue them no matter how much time or resources they take. If your man is overprotective, he will feel betrayed when you don’t give him attention and will belittle you whenever you choose something else over him.
9. He Gets Angry about Everything
Anger control issues are a red flag in any relationship, and if your boyfriend is controlling or possessive, he could get angry when he feels like he is not in charge. Minor issues might cause a quarrel that could escalate into a tantrum – or even a violent altercation.
There are some signs to look for to know if your boyfriend is this way. For example, if even the tiniest thing you say or do sets him off. Everything pisses him off – from you not being able to make time for him to someone casually flirting with you.
10. If You Confront Him, He Behaves in a Passive-Aggressive Manner
There is, of course, the off chance that you’ve already confronted your boyfriend about his misdoings. Maybe you’ve already discussed how the dynamics of your relationship need to change. If he’s a good guy, he probably apologized and actually tried to change.
However, if we have pegged your boyfriend correctly, he will not apologize or change his ways because he doesn’t see anything wrong with them! He will either get angry at you, hurl abuses, or tell you that you’ve hurt him with your behavior and make you feel like the bad guy instead.
11. He Has Unrealistic Expectations of You
Another sign that you are currently dating someone overprotective is that he has expectations from you that are not easy to meet.
He expects you to always make time for him, no matter where you are or how busy you may be. He expects you to text him back in a matter of minutes. He wants you to always look good no matter how little time you have on your hands.
Most importantly, he has unrealistic expectations about openness and honesty. This is a man that expects complete transparency from you regarding your schedule, whereabouts, and dating history but isn’t ready to give you this information when you ask for it.
12. He Is Always Suspicious of You
Have you ever talked to another man and felt a pang of guilt in your heart, even though you did nothing wrong? That’s because you’ve already been subjected to quite a lot of mental abuse by your overprotective boyfriend.
An overprotective boyfriend is someone who has no qualms about placing the dirtiest allegations on you and making you feel disgusted about every interaction you have/have had with previous boyfriends. To him, every interaction you have with any other man is an attempt to cheat on him.
13. He Wants You to Commit as Quickly as Possible
The uneasiness of an overprotective partner is reflected in his behavior. There’s a big possibility he’s overprotective if he’s quickly taking your relationship to the next level.
Are the two of you going through relationship milestones quicker than normal? This might be a man who doesn’t want you to realize how overprotective he is and get hitched to you before you get the chance to escape.
This man will do anything in his power to make you commit to him by using flowery words or even proposing while you’re still in your honeymoon phase. You are his unsuspecting victim.
14. He Hates Everyone You’re Friends With
If he always has something unpleasant to say about everyone you meet, that should be a red flag that he might be possessive. As an insecure and possessive man, he will speak down about anyone he sees as threatening and won’t care if what he says about them is true or not.
According to a recent psychological study, a possessive man will criticize everyone around him while persuading you that he has your best interests at heart.
Whether it’s your family or your best friends, a possessive partner will always put himself first. When a dominating man does not get his way, he frequently becomes aggressive. He might have episodes of unrelenting anger where he abuses you and your loved ones without thinking of the impact it may have.
15. He Has No Other Friends
Isolating yourself from society is a solid sign that you are possessive. A controlling man prefers to be alone and be in situations where he has absolute control. When he’s at a gathering with other people, he gets apprehensive and loses his cool quickly.
Possessive individuals who are incapable of dealing with large groups are also overprotective of the people they love. It may result in an anxiety attack. But, more often than not, they will resort to violence or rage to deal with whatever is bothering them.
We all want to keep the people we care about safe. If we had our way, we’d wrap our loved ones in plastic wrap and store them on a shelf, safe from all kinds of danger. However, that’s not always possible. If your partner’s affection manifests itself as overprotectiveness and prevents you from living your life, it’s time to have a serious talk.
There’s a fine line between keeping an eye out for someone and feeling compelled to possess them. Make a clear distinction between the two, and only bring it up with your lover if you’re sure you’ll come out unscathed on the other side. If not, flee.
Any relationship that jeopardizes your physical and emotional well-being is a bad one. Remember that leaving a toxic or possessive relationship is a sign of strength and reflects poorly on him, not on you. Remember that you can always leave a relationship that does not make you happy.