Meet the hater, someone the dictionary describes as a “person who greatly dislikes a specified person or thing.” We all have haters in our lives, and we’ve definitely seen plenty of them on social media – they are a special breed of people.
No one is born a hater, and they go through a series of stages to get to that point. Their self-loathing is obvious, but rather than deal with it, they direct it at other people.
You may feel sad when you see a great person with so much potential who acts like a total hater. You feel like it’s your human duty to fix them, to help them, to show them the light – it isn’t.
Not every hater can be helped, no matter how much love and patience you show them. Some haters are simply beyond fixing.
How do you define a hater? Think of the top qualities you’d expect in a friend – haters won’t possess any of these qualities. This is also how you can spot a hater amongst your so-called closest friends.
It’s also painful to realize that someone you consider near and dear is actually a bit of a nasty person. They treat you like an enemy, not a friend. They tear you apart – no constructive criticism here, just negativity, blame, and attacks. Don’t confuse such a person with a friend, they aren’t.
Want to know the 13 signs and characteristics of a hater? Read on.
1. Look at how a hater treats others
One of the best ways to tell a hater is by observing how they treat others. A hater tears down others. They are disrespectful and often for no reason whatsoever. They react strongly to just about anything.
A hater complains and whinges about everything. They are never satisfied. They want to be the center of attention and get upset when they don’t get what they want. Hating everything ultimately destroys them. It’s poisonous behavior.
2. A hater can make you hate too
The thing with hating is it can be contagious, especially if you’re not careful. Spending too much time in the company of a hater ultimately means that their behavior will rub off on you.
You might catch yourself trying to please them by also hating on the things they hate. You might agree with them in an effort to and understand them better.
If the person you date is a hater, it will be even harder not to go along with it as you want them to like you.
It’s not worth joining in. You don’t have to support and encourage negative tendencies or pretend to be someone you are not. Bring positivity and kindness instead, it has a much stronger influence on others.
3. It’s all about them
A hater might act all relaxed about something, but you know that deep down it’s eating them up. A hater just wants to hate. They desperately want to be right about the things they are negative about, as a sort of validation of their behavior.
They will make everything about themselves because it makes it easier to justify the negativity. Don’t fall for it. Everyone makes their own choices in life, and no one can make someone else a hater.
4. They do less with their life
Want to spot a hater? Look at how they spend their days. On average, haters do a lot less with their time, simply because they enjoy fewer things.
They may give something a try once or twice, but it will probably be just another thing to add to their long list of things they hate.
5. They can be loners
Realistically, how long can you spend in the company of a hater? An hour, two hours, a day? Haters tend to have fewer friends than positive people because not many people can put up with the negativity.
A hater will speak negatively or critically about their friends too – dumping on who they date, how they dress, or what they do for a living. A hater will often end up with very few friends (if any) and won’t be spending a lot of quality time with others.
6. They look different
When someone’s sole purpose in life is to hate on anyone and anything, you’ll likely find them looking a little different, too. A hater would usually be all against trends and mainstream society, so they might be dressing a lot differently.
Think grungy clothes, vintage accessories, mismatched patterns. A hater wants people to know they don’t conform, so they might dress up in an unusual way just to provoke a conversation.
7. They are arrogant
The hater’s attitude is usually fueled by their high level of ego; therefore, you’ll always spot a hater by how arrogant they are in certain situations. Haters love to be right; they use sarcasm to tell their truth, and rarely apologize for their behavior.
Egocentric personalities hate listening to other people’s advice or asking for support. They think they know best – that’s the source of their confidence.
8. They couldn’t care less
There are different types of haters. While one type might be actively hating on the things and people surrounding them, another couldn’t care less. This sort of “neutral” hater doesn’t care much about anything or anyone.
You’ll always see them going with the flow, at least seemingly, and not putting much effort into connecting with others. This type of hater never seems stressed; they just don’t care enough to sweat the small stuff.
9. They procrastinate
Another characteristic of a typical hater is their tendency to procrastinate. It’s all about putting the least amount of effort into anything. This type can easily be spotted all over social media platforms.
It’s the type that hides behind their keyboard, posting big statements that otherwise they’d never say in person. This person has lost their sense of ambition and doesn’t dream of bigger things.
10. They are jealous of other people’s success
A typical trait of a hater is to hate on other people’s success and to feel personally victimized by it. Instead of focusing on their own lives and aspirations, they seem obsessed with other people – their job, salary, money, family, who they date, where they travel…the list goes on.
They seem to have lost all sense of self and they really don’t want to see others succeed because they feel like it calls attention to their own shortcomings and failures.
11. They are hypocrites
This special type of hater will be all smiles and giggles until you turn your back. Then, it’s their time to criticize, whinge and attack. That’s just who they are.
The hypocritical type of hater can be found all over the corporate world, and it seems that a lot of otherwise nice people turn into hypocrites as soon as they walk through the office door.
There is a sense of competition that fuels them and a belief that they’ve got to get the bigger piece of the pie. There simply isn’t enough for everyone – they need to win.
12. They are copycats
As much as it can be flattering to know that we are a source of inspiration to others, there is a fine line between others admiring you and blatantly copying you. A hater will look closely at your every move and try to mimic your behavior, including what you wear, who you hang out with, and how you speak.
They not only want to be you, but they also want to beat you at being you. You can almost always spot a copycat: they like to play it cool and be all casual, but they assess everything you do and then go ahead and do the exact same.
13. They could be racists
Not every hater is a racist, but you can spot the ones that are from miles away. The driving force behind them is ignorance and pure racism. They hate anyone different and see themselves as superior.
They make jokes about people’s race, about how others look, about their accent and family background. They like to discriminate and label people based on their preconceived stereotypes.
They only applaud those with whom they have something in common and don’t like to acknowledge the ideas of those who are different.
How should you act around a hater?
If you are in the company of a hater and are starting to feel uncomfortable, it’s okay to just leave. It’s also fine to call them out on their behavior. Don’t be afraid to speak out when someone is being rude or critical of others. If you don’t say anything you might as well be agreeing with them.
What about haters in the workplace?
When we work with a hater, it can be hard to even concentrate on work. All they do all day is complain. They are never happy with what they’ve got and often compare themselves to others. They are fueled by competition and a sense that they deserve better.
The sad truth about this type of hater is that even when they get promoted and are given the best opportunities, they still find something to complain about. This is how you know it’s a behavioral trait and not an isolated incident.
The best thing you can do is distance yourself from people like this. The next time they start whinging to you, don’t respond and don’t show them that you are listening or agreeing with them. Navigating the corporate workplace can be tough enough, with or without haters. Make sure you are putting your energy in the right place.
Is your boyfriend a hater?
If the guy you love is a hater, it may come as a shock to you. Maybe you never noticed! He was all sweet and lovely at the start of your relationship and before you knew it, you fell head over heels with him.
Now that he’s got your trust, he is showing his true colors and it isn’t pretty. He’s negative about everything! Often, he’s even negative and critical of you, which makes you question why he is even with you.
Men like that can drain all your positivity and poison your life. Before you know it, he will alienate you from friends and family because of that thing one of them said to him that one time.
Maybe he’ll even question your job because you are having “too much fun” with your colleagues after work hours. Perhaps you need to ask yourself – is this man worth your time at all?
Can a hater change?
Just like bullying, hater behavior is something a person does, it isn’t who they are. And yes, they can change but they need to be aware of their behavior first.
One of the most crucial things in their changing process is having people around who are willing to speak out. If a hater doesn’t even realize what they are doing and how their behavior is affecting others, how can they possibly begin to change?
It’s not just about shutting up a hater, it’s about helping them recognize that this is toxic behavior is off-putting and unfair to others. No one needs to put up with a hater, and only a few will stick around to try and help them – usually a close family member, a friend, or significant other.
And if you don’t want to be part of their transformation, that’s okay too.