Cheating can be defined differently by different people. Whether he’s just having sex with another woman, flirting, or having an intense emotional connection with someone else, the other woman is often termed a “side chick”.
If you think you might be the “side chick” or you just want to know why guys have one, keep reading to learn more.
What’s the Point of a Side Chick?
Guys who have a side chick are generally in a long-term relationship or marriage with who they believe is their “ideal woman”.
Why do guys want a side chick? While these reasons are in no way trying to justify being unfaithful, here are some possible explanations:
1. Fear of commitment.
Men that have a side chick often have an intense fear of commitment. They absolutely hate the idea of being with only one woman, and as a result, seek companionship elsewhere.
2. They want a less stressful relationship.
Every relationship has its own problems. When a relationship starts taking its toll, a side chick seems like an easier and carefree option; why not take a break from the burdens of the relationship, like money troubles, kids, and arguments?
A side chick often gives him a “free” feeling, where he’s able to escape the stress and drama of his relationship.
3. They want to fulfill their sexual urges.
This applies, especially to loveless marriages. Some men can’t say no for a chance of a “no strings attached” sex-only relationship. If they aren’t having enough sex or if their sex life at home isn’t meeting their expectations, they are more likely to look for a lover somewhere else.
4. They like having a “backup”.
No one likes getting hurt, especially by the one they really love. Some men don’t want to risk dating only one person and ending up hurt. With a side chick, they’ll have a “backup plan” in case their girlfriend or wife decides to call it quits.
Can a Man Love Two Women at the Same Time?
Some experts believe that it is possible to be in love with two people at the same time. In fact, when you think about parents, children, and friends, it’s easy to see that we love more than one person.
However, there is a huge difference between love and lust – so what might be described as feelings of love may, in reality, be feelings of intense chemistry and attraction. Here are some signs that he loves his side chick:
1. He opens up to her.
Men don’t readily express their emotions. In fact, they’re more likely to open up to someone they trust and care for – which makes this an obvious sign that he loves his side chick.
2. He changes the way he looks.
If you’ve noticed that he started changing up his appearance, it may be because he is trying to impress his side chick – and of course, why would he be trying to impress someone he has zero feelings for?
3. He starts acting as if they’re a couple.
If a guy only has eyes for his side chick, he begins to do things with her that would normally be done by couples. This can include going on dates, meeting his parents, and traveling together.
4. He talks about the future.
This is actually a sign that a relationship is progressing, and is a surefire sign that he is in love with his side chick. If he plans future activities, it means he doesn’t just see her as a one-time fling – and he’s focused on growing the relationship (an even more obvious sign is if he talks about leaving his wife/girlfriend).
Why Would a Girl Be a Side Chick?
It might be surprising to learn that some women are perfectly fine with being a side chick – and often this type of a relationship can have benefits to her as well, including:
1. No-obligation Sex
Women want sex too! If she is looking for a relationship with just sex – without any strings attached – she might be perfectly okay with being a side chick.
Some women don’t mind being a side chick if he’s a big spender with deep pockets.
If she’s getting the attention that she feels she deserves, the fact that he has a girlfriend or even a wife might not bother her.
4. Low Self-esteem.
5. She Didn’t Know
This is actually a horrible situation to be in. She might not have known at the start of the relationship that there was someone else – and even though she does now, she doesn’t want to leave him.
6. She’s Hoping He’ll Leave His Wife
If she loves him, she may be under the impression that he will leave his main chick and choose her to be his #1 – especially if she can prove that she’s “worth it”.
How Do You Know You’re His Side Chick?
If you’ve been dating a guy for some time but something seems off, he may show some signs that you’re actually his side chick – and not his girlfriend. Here are some things you could look out for:
1. He leaves after sex.
This is one of the signs that he’s just keeping you around without wanting a relationship. Either he has to go home to his wife/girlfriend or he isn’t interested in anything but sex!
2. You only hang out at night.
If you were someone he truly liked, he would make the time for you during the daytime or on weekends. If you only see him after it gets dark, either he’s seeing someone else or he’s a vampire – and which is more likely?
3. He never goes above and beyond.
Sure, he makes you happy. He flashes that sexy smile and praises you to no end. He surprises you with a box of chocolates once in a while – but that’s about it. He won’t go out of his way to impress you, since you’re just his side chick.
4. He’s extremely mysterious (READ: overly secretive).
Do you know anything about him? Where did he grow up? What does he do for a living?
It’s not like you haven’t tried to get him to open up. He just doesn’t – and that’s because someone else already knows everything there is to know about him. Why would he share it with you?
5. He’s very stingy with money.
He never treats you to nice dates, and never buys you flowers. If you do go out to eat, he suggests you skip dessert and head home. Why, you ask? Because he needs to save that money for someone else!
6. He refuses to label your relationship.
This is a huge sign that should set off alarms in your head. He won’t meet your parents, he would be your plus one to any party, and he sure as hell won’t call you his girlfriend. He won’t commit to you because he’s already committed to someone else – and we know how that worked out for him.
How to Stop Being the Side Chick
Finding out that you’re just his side chick can be hurtful, and extremely disappointing. You might have thought you were meant to be together, and are feeling heartbroken.
1. Recognize that you want to end things.
Think about the relationship you want to have for yourself. Is the relationship that you have with him really what you want?
Remember that you deserve more than just being someone’s “second”. You deserve a man who will put you first, above all.
2. Figure out how to tell him you don’t want to be a side chick.
Once you’ve decided you no longer want to be “just a side chick”, it’s time to tell him. Be straightforward with him, and be blunt.
Tell him what you expect out of a relationship – and end things if he tells you he isn’t ready to give you a serious relationship. Don’t be the woman who holds onto hope that he will leave his girlfriend or wife “eventually” just to be with you.
3. Set new boundaries.
Make sure he is aware that you’re done, and that he shouldn’t expect to be welcomed when he shows up for a “sleepover”. The main rule is no more sex. Period.
4. Cut off contact completely.
Never think that “just staying friends” will work. You need to cut off all contact in order to get over a married or taken man who broke your heart. Block his number!
These 10 ways to get over him might help make going no-contact easier.
5. Focus on you.
It’s time to focus on staying positive, and rebuilding your self-esteem. Take some time to figure out why you let yourself get caught up in a one-sided relationship, and take pride in the fact that you decided to end things.
6. Put yourself back out there!
Forget about the married or taken guy. There are plenty of ways to meet local single men, so take advantage of the fact that you’re newly single too! There are 18 Reasons Why It’s Good to Be Single, so make the best out of the situation and have some fun.
How to Be a Good Side Chick
Being a side chick isn’t easy. There’s more involved than just sex! Coming in between a man and his wife or girlfriend is difficult to do, especially if you don’t want to be caught up in drama, scandal, or heartache.
If it’s still something that appeals to you, here are some ways you can be a good side chick and stay out of the drama:
1. Don’t let yourself fall for him!
You do not want to fall in love with a married or taken man. Let this relationship be just about sex, with no emotional strings attached. If his main chick finds out, there’s a huge chance he’ll end things with you in the blink of an eye – so if you want a relationship with love, being a side chick isn’t for you.
2. Don’t ask him for money.
He’s not a “sugar daddy”! Your relationship shouldn’t be about money. After all, he might have a family to feed!
Instead, make him chase you and desperately crave you – and he’ll probably end up spending money on you anyway.
3. Don’t have unprotected sex.
This may seem like a given, but make sure to always use protection – even if you’re on birth control! You wouldn’t fancy having to tell him you’re pregnant.
4. Don’t stop living your life.
Just because you’re his side chick, doesn’t mean you should press pause on your life. Do things that you enjoy doing instead of constantly being at his beck and call! Make him chase you instead of always being available to him.
5. Stay off his social media.
Don’t be a stalker! If you know you’re the side chick, going through his social media posts and seeing his main woman will only make things hard for you. You should never want a man more than he wants you – so try avoiding his IG and other social media accounts.
6. Dress to impress!
Like it or not, as a side chick, you won’t be able to let him see you in sweats and a bun. He needs to be attracted to you to keep coming back for more (are you sure you want to be in this type of a relationship?).
7. Avoid and prevent drama at all costs.
Men choose to have side chicks as a means of escaping the drama of their real relationships – so one of the best ways to be a good side chick is to avoid it altogether and do your best to make sure not to create any unnecessary drama.
Be discreet – and don’t leave any clues behind for his wife or girlfriend to find!
8. Be prepared for the consequences.
Being a side chick means accepting the risks involved and being prepared for any negative consequences that may arise. Remember that cheating is never okay – and you’ll have to live with the fact that your relationship may ultimately ruin someone else’s, especially if you get caught.
9. Never expect him to be loyal to you.
No matter what he says, the likelihood is that he will never choose you over his main chick – and if he does, could you really trust that he won’t do the same to you?
10. Accept when it’s over.
When things end, it’s important to remember that being a side chick is usually a “temporary position”. Prepare yourself now for the fact that it will end one day. When it’s actually over, you’ll have to find a way to move on.
How to Go From Side Chick to Main Chick
Let’s be honest: the likelihood of this happening isn’t all that great! However, if you think you can win him over, here are some tips you should definitely try:
- Don’t be clingy! Thats one of the things all men hate about women, and it won’t do you any good.
- Check out 17 Ways to Instantly Become More Attractive to Men.
- Work on your confidence! Men love women who value themselves.
- Be spontaneous and adventurous. Check out these amazing unique date ideas to add spark to your relationship.
- Get him to chase you by being more mysterious.
The Bottom Line
Men typically have side chicks when they aren’t “getting enough” out of their existing relationship. Commitment issues and fear of being hurt may also cause them to seek out a side chick. Regardless of the reason, they decide to be unfaithful, having a side chick is still considered cheating on their partner – even if he loves both women at the same time.
Being a side chick is incredibly difficult, and is usually only a temporary relationship. It’s important to remember that you deserve a relationship with someone who treats you as the priority – and you don’t deserve to be treated as a “second”.