There’s nothing better than a new relationship, especially in the honeymoon stage. Butterflies whizz in your stomach, and you both have excitement and enthusiasm to see each other.
But, those who have been in a long-term relationship, know that the buzz starts to die down. Other commitments come into play, such as work, family life, and familiarity – causing the exciting spark to fade.
This can be especially frustrating if you’re making a conscious choice to put in the effort and shower him with affection, and he’s not reciprocating it.
You deserve to be appreciated and for your importance to be recognized. Read on to learn exactly how to make your boyfriend appreciate you and the things you do for him!
1. Learn how to value yourself.
You might have heard the term “self-love” being thrown around by friends, family, or even the media, and there’s a reason why it’s trending: because it works.
Your boyfriend will only start respecting you more and realizing your importance once you build your own sense of self-worth.
You can achieve value through improving yourself and not comparing yourself to anyone else. As soon as you start to compare yourself to others, you put yourself down and ignore all the great things about yourself.
Another thing to do is look for opportunities to grow as a person. Whether that’s reading books, doing courses, traveling, or anything else, do things that are important to you. This could also mean doing a hobby you love or meditating and reflecting on what you’ve done for yourself.
You could even start journaling and mentioning your goals or getting help from a therapist. Similarly, make sure you review your mistakes and learn from them to become a better person. For more inspiration, check out our post on the 17 best ways to build your self-esteem and stay positive.
2. Keep yourself distracted and busy.
One of the first things you should do to help spark your boyfriend’s attention is keeping yourself busy doing other things. You don’t want to make yourself available all the time; it’s unsexy, and he’ll take you for granted. Men often like to chase to get what they want, and they’ll do anything to get it – which includes giving you attention!
Use this time to do the things you’ve been meaning to do for a long time – especially tasks you’ve procrastinated over for so long. Trust us, that’ll help him realize your absence.
When he notices that you’re not around when he needs you, he will come to you to see what’s wrong. For him to thoroughly understand what’s wrong, he has to miss you first – and then start to think about ways to impress you.
3. Reduce the texts and calls.
This point is very similar to the last one; you have to stop being available all of the time. This means reducing the number of calls and texts you send him. Are you the first one to send a message or call Bae first? If so, then you better take a backseat.
If you’re constantly checking in on him or asking what he’s up to, then you need to stop right now. Doing this will surely make him take you for granted, and that is something you definitely don’t want.
You might even want to try going an extra step and ignoring him completely, making him panic to realize what he might have lost. But whatever you do, never double text.
4. Make your own plans.
You’ve undoubtedly spent a lot of time in each other’s company. However, you might want to figure out whether this has been a trigger as to why he’s stopped making you feel important.
Do you spend every weekend or weeknight together? If the answer is yes, it’s time to take a pause. Try to do something different for a change and spend your weekends with family, friends, volunteering, or something else.
If you live together, there are many ways to make him fall in love with you all over again. You could mention that you plan to hang out with your friends and not stay home that night – and crash at your friend’s place after the night out is done.
When you start doing things with others, it’ll spark his curiosity and get him wondering why you’re not hanging out and doing things with him.
5. Stop doing his chores.
If you live together and feel like you’re doing both your chores and his, it can amplify the “lack of being important” feelings you have. One way of making him notice your efforts is to simply stop doing his chores. Over a day or two, if you let the chores pile up, he’s more than likely going to comment.
If he asks you why something hasn’t been done, simply respond, “Oh, these were your chores; I thought you were going to do them.” This will help him understand how much work you do and the importance of your daily activities.
6. Spice things up in the bedroom.
Take time to learn some moves and techniques to enhance your sex life. When you guys are getting frisky, it’ll spark curiosity in his mind. Here are some ideas to consider:
- Having a quickie in a public place
- Exercising naked together
- Dressing your male partner as a woman
- Looking for more ways to please each other
- Trying an adult nursing relationship
7. Don’t be silent; act out!
If you’ve always taken the moral high ground and remained silent around his mistakes, it’s time to change. Sometimes it’s good to act out and confront him when you’re mad. This will alert him to what’s bothering you and will give him a wake-up call to listen to you.
8. Stop being clingy.
Being clingy and needy is actually one of the 11 things men hate about women – and it can cause a lot of difficulties. Men like women who are independent. If you’re constantly showing you’re able to do things for yourself, he will admire you and respect you more.
Similarly, the more clingy you are, the more it’s going to push him away – and it’s unlikely he will provide you with the affection you want. In these circumstances, things must happen naturally. The moment he realizes how strong you are, he’ll change his ways and want to be better.
9. Make an effort to look good.
When we feel like our needs aren’t being met, we can behave in very self-destructive ways. Have you been neglecting how you look recently?
Try putting on makeup and wearing a sexy or hot outfit. Check out 6 Tips on Dressing to Impress: Best Clothing for Every Body Type.
This will get his attention going and shock him for sure, especially if other passersby look at you. It’ll make him realize what he could potentially be losing.
10. Decrease the intimacy.
Many men love sex, but you shouldn’t give it to them all of the time. If you’re constantly having sex, he might not appreciate your body as much as he should and might take you for granted. Learn to say no, and don’t give in to his every advance. Even if you give it less often, it’s more than likely he’ll appreciate you and the times you do have it more.
11. Don’t agree to last-minute plans.
Does your guy invite you out to do things at the very last minute? If he does, don’t agree to them all of the time – especially if you have other plans.
Why should you drop everything at his demand? If you do this again, you’ll be letting him know that you’re constantly available, and he will take you for granted.
12. Cancel on him.
How often does your boyfriend cancel on you? If he cancels on you frequently and then changes his mind again, it’s time to try it yourself!
After all, there’s nothing worse than making lots of plans, getting excited, and realizing he’s thrown it all away. Simply repeat the actions he’s done and give him a taste of his own medicine!
13. Reduce the amount of things you do for him.
Do you show your boyfriend extra attention? Do you give him massages, cook for him, iron his clothes, or anything else?
If you do, you should start to limit the things you do for him until he notices. It’s important you reduce this down slowly because if you stop completely, he might take it the wrong way.
14. Learn when to say no.
If you’re always a “yes person”, your boyfriend could definitely take you for granted. It’s ok to say no. Be careful the number of times you say yes to things and compromise what you want for your boyfriend’s wants.
You have to have your say in a relationship; he can’t just expect you to agree to everything he wants or believes. You’re not a robot.
15. Talk to him.
Have you actually spoken to him about your feelings yet? If not, then you should. Open and effective communication is really important to every relationship.
Sit him down, and tell him how you feel. If he loves you as much as you love him, he will listen to what you have to say and acknowledge your emotions.
The Bottom Line
No woman should ever feel inferior or ignored by her boyfriend – but it isn’t unusual to happen in a relationship. If this is happening to you, it’s time to take charge and gain your control back.
You can do this by making yourself unavailable, gaining your independence, and most of all, loving yourself!
Follow a few of these tips and we’re confident he’ll start paying attention to you. Also, check out our article on how to make him miss you and want you back.