All’s fair in love and war – and when it comes to confronting the “other woman,” this expression is doubly true.
Despite all the writing on the wall, men keep pushing their luck when it comes to cheating on their significant other. What drives this behavior in men is a mystery yet to be solved. Is it genetic? Society? Their upbringing? Is it their “animal instinct”?
In any case, if you suspect your man has been cheating on you, brace yourself for a crazy emotional and mental roller-coaster ride.
At some point, you’ll find yourself contemplating confronting the other woman – so we’ve put together seven ways you can keep the confrontation from becoming explosive, violent, and downright embarrassing.
1. Make sure you know your why’s.
The most important issue to consider when you want to confront her is to understand why you want to do it.
- Do you want to threaten her?
- Do you wish to intimidate her so that she backs down?
- Do you want to speak to her and ask her to let your man go?
- Do you want to embarrass/guilt/shame her so that she decides to call it quits with your man?
- Do you want her to take all the blame – including for your man’s behavior?
- Will this confrontation help or harm every person involved?
Figuring out what you seek from this confrontation is a good starting point. As a woman, your desire to confront the other woman is more than valid. You may feel like being a woman, she may be able to understand what you’re going through.
In many cases, though, the other woman may not even know about your existence – and often, if she is aware of your existence, she most likely heard evil stories about you.
While it’s true that a confrontation can answer any questions and can reveal a lot of things about all persons involved, if you ignore why you want to confront the other woman and go see her on impulse, things can turn bad and messy real quick.
2. Face the facts.
Remember, it takes two to tango! Yes, the other woman is partly to blame – but your man cannot have a clean slate.
This can be one bitter pill to swallow because it’s usually easier to blame it all on the new entrant. You and your partner have been in a relationship, so it’s easy to think that the one to come between you two is definitely at fault – and while this isn’t the right thinking, it definitely seems like the easiest way out.
Another hard fact could be the status of your relationship. Take a good look at how your relationship has changed, evolved, or remained stagnant over the years. Have you both been putting in the individual effort to maintain the relationship?
If you find the scale to be a bit lopsided, you must face this fact as well before condemning the new person in the picture.
3. Do you know who’s who?
If you’re ready for a confrontation, it means you know who she is (or at least you know her name). Do a little more digging and find out who she is as a person.
As of now, you know her name and that she’s trying to take your man away from you – but is that all she is – or is that the version you’ve come to believe? As a woman yourself, give her the benefit of the doubt and try finding more about her than the two pointers you’ve conjured up.
Thanks to social media, you can easily find some online footprints of hers even without stalking. You don’t need to have super tech-savvy skills, but try and get as much information about her. The confrontation can become less challenging if you put effort into knowing a little more about her.
As you click away on the keys in your quest to find a bit more about her, you should also do a little introspection. This could be a good time to take a closer look at yourself as well, as you are one of three people involved.
It’s also important to put your man under the magnifying glass! Over time people change – which isn’t always wrong. So, a great way for confrontation is to know everyone involved – even if it means you may have to double-check on yourself and the partner you have known for a long time.
Social media can be really handy. Also, speak to your close friends or family members from an outsider’s perspective. You may be too blinded by either rage or love – so it’s better if you talk to your confidante and face the facts relating to this new development.
4. The meetup
Although you’ve been itching to meet her, be patient and take your time. Have some irrefutable evidence or hard facts to confront her with – otherwise, you’ll end up making a fool of yourself.
Regarding the rendezvous, it would be best to meet in a quieter secluded place. If you choose a restaurant, find a corner table that does not get a lot of attention. If you decide to meet in a park, look for spots where people don’t frequent much.
When you are seated opposite each other, it’s important that it doesn’t turn into a screaming spectacle for the onlookers. Keep your emotions in check at all times lest you don’t mind being viral on some YouTube channels or TikTok videos.
You can also choose to take a friend along to confront the other woman if you feel you may not be able to restrain yourself (physically or emotionally). And, if you do decide to take someone along, you must also let your company know how they should be involved during the confrontation.
You have to define the role for your friend; they can support you emotionally without having to give their two cents, or they can take an active part in the entire confrontation. If you take a friend along without discussing it with them, the confrontation may not have the outcome you were expecting.
5. Keep it civil
This may seem like too much to ask of you – but you must keep it civil and have your feelings under wraps. You are there to confront her and come face to face with the bitter truth – the truth about your man’s secret affair.
If you feel that you can’t keep the conversation civil, it’s better to delay it altogether. It’ll be a waste of time, energy, and effort for both of you if you get nothing out of it. That’s not to say that you’ll get all the answers when you confront her, but if the confrontation turns nasty, you’ll both be none the wiser.
If possible, practice and rehearse how the confrontation might feel like. You can ask a close friend or family member to role-play, which can also help you to identify your emotional triggers and how you can calm yourself down.
If you feel emotionally drained during this mock confrontation, chances are it’ll be worse in the real scenario. When it comes to confrontation, it is always better to be safe than sorry.
6. Be prepared
The confrontation can reveal a lot of things about your man, the other woman, and also yourself.
Be prepared for what you may discover and unearth as you start talking. If you can create a safe space for you and the other woman to turn the confrontation into a conversation, it can shed light on many things about your relationship.
- When the other woman came into the picture tells a lot about your relationship.
- The timing as to when the affair started will also raise questions as to why it may have happened then.
- Your relationship may have already been rocky before her entrance – which will reveal a lot about whether you chose to ignore the real problems you and your partner were facing.
Your decision to meet this other woman can be impulsive or may have resulted from long and hard thinking. Either way, it doesn’t automatically provide a solution.
Most often, confronting the other woman could be like opening Pandora’s box. You don’t know what kind of things could creep up and surface after sitting down with the other woman. Confrontation doesn’t always provide clarity; often it could end up muddying the water even more.
If the other woman is younger, prettier, or smarter, your deep-rooted insecurities are bound to increase. If she isn’t, you may not even get your head around the situation – which can create even more doubts compared to the first scenario.
Finally, what will you do about the man after the sit-down with the other woman?
Will you be able to continue your relationship with him?
Will you confront him next?
Once you have found out about the other woman, your relationship may never be the same.
Although it may be easier to put all the blame on the other woman, confronting her can reveal a lot of things about your man.
In many cases, men keep their significant other a secret from the other woman – and in cases where he’s admitted to being in a relationship, confrontation can help you figure out how your man has portrayed you.
Whether you decide to confront him next or not, you still have to decide what happens next in the relationship. Should you forgive and forget it all to save the relationship, or should you forget about the relationship?
For some additional help, check out 7 Signs Your Relationship is on the Brink of Breaking Up and learn whether it’s time to call it quits.