No one goes into a relationship expecting to be cheated on. Unfortunately, being cheated on is common, and many of us find ourselves cheated on by people we trusted. Many couples will experience some form of infidelity at some point in their relationship.
It goes without saying that affairs damage and destroy trust in a partnership. They can irrevocably harm a person’s ability to love and open their heart to new experiences. Even worse than being cheated on is being kept in the dark about it.
Nothing hurts quite as bad as finding out you are your partner’s side chick.
How to Know You Are the Side Chick in the Relationship
Here are 15 surefire signs that you are not, in fact, his girlfriend, but the side chick.
1. He doesn’t want to make the relationship official
Being the side chick in a relationship comes with its own set of red flags. The first is perhaps the most obvious sign of trouble: he doesn’t want to make the relationship official. If you’ve been dating the guy for a while, and he still won’t commit, it’s most likely because he’s dating another woman or is still on the market.
If he’s hesitant about making your relationship official, it means he is not interested in keeping you around for too long.
If you bring up the subject and he responds with standard lines like “What’s the hurry?” or “Let’s just enjoy ourselves for now.” then you know you’re in trouble.
This is his way of expressing his disinterest in a long-term relationship with you.
2. He doesn’t invite you to meet his family or friends
Guys love to show off, and they especially love to show off the girl they are with to their family and friends.
If you’re the girl he truly loves, he will introduce you to all the people in his social circle. He’ll invite you to hang out with them and have a good time. If he doesn’t even invite you to meet his friends, it’s a clear indication that he’s not interested in letting others know that you’re together.
While people are usually selective about the people they bring home, something is wrong if your boyfriend isn’t taking you to meet his parents after several months of dating.
Simply put, this is a sign he simply sees you as his side piece.
3. He never posts about you on social media
Everyone is always online. They are always bragging about their lives, uploading images of their pets, the food they consume, whom they hang out with, and so on. We live in a time when even our mundane daily tasks are showcased on social media.
So, if he flatly refuses to post any photos of the two of you and advises you against tagging or following him on social media, it isn’t because he does not think you are sexy enough to post about – he just doesn’t think you are important enough. Or worse: he’s hiding something.
4. He isn’t interested in hearing about your feelings
When women date, they look forward to the period in their relationships when they will fall in love with the guy and be able to express their feelings to him. They want him to be their best friend and their most loyal companion. However, not every woman gets that in the man she is dating.
If you open up to your partner and tell him how you feel and he doesn’t respond or attempt to understand the situation, it could be a hint that his heart is elsewhere. If he gaslights you or undermines your experiences, it means he is not interested in your wellbeing.
5. He always answers your calls in a hushed tone
Have you ever called your boyfriend at an odd time and heard him talking to you in a hushed tone? Does he tell you he’ll call you later and quickly hang up? Or does he run to another room as soon as he picks up your call?
If he does these things, there is someone at home who can’t know you are calling him.
If he does this regularly, it’s a definite red flag. He does not want you to hear where he is or what he’s doing…or who he’s with.
6. He Makes Lame Excuses to Get Out of Things
If a guy sees you as his side piece, he isn’t going to be very concerned about telling you the truth.
He’s just looking for a good time and for you to put up with a lack of attentiveness on his part. He’ll have no problem inventing excuses as to why he can’t see you in order to get you to be quiet.
Guys who are having affairs won’t introduce the side girl to their posse for the obvious reason that it’s risky and someone might tell on them. He cancels plans willy-nilly and gives lame excuses to get out of doing things with you so he can focus on the girl he likes.
7. His social media habits are strange
To accurately guess where you stand in your partner’s life, look at his social media accounts. Does his Facebook look suspiciously vacant? Does he only let you follow his Instagram, which has a small number of followers and a strange, obscure username?
Do you feel like he almost constructed those social media profiles to keep you happy and has other social media accounts as well? If your sixth sense is telling you that there is something wrong, there probably is.
8. PDA is out of the question
Of course, not all people are comfortable with public displays of affection, so some exercise restraint. If your boyfriend is generally shy, this might be the case. However, if he is a larger-than-life kind of guy who still won’t hold your hand in public, it means that he’s worried about someone seeing him.
Most men don’t mind a bit of hand-holding and cheeky kisses. It’s strange that he is so adamant about refusing to touch you in public. He may be doing this to establish plausible deniability. If no one notices him kissing you, he can claim to be your friend and continue to exploit you as a booty call.
9. His phone is off-limits
Modern relationships come with a set of their own contemporary problems, and one of these problems is the social rule of not checking your partner’s phone. A man who is addicted to his phone and won’t let you touch it is likely hiding something about his private life.
If you have a suspicion that you might be the side chick in the relationship, a simple test is to ask him to give you his phone or at least show you how he has your number saved. It is a good chance that it is programmed under an alias or saved with your full name to look like a contact from work.
While it is okay for people not to be comfortable sharing their phone, it might be cause for worry if he jumps every time you come near this phone.
10. He never sees you on the weekends or big holidays
People who are dating look forward to spending time with their partners on weekends when they are free. However, if you only see him on the weekdays and never on the weekends, it means he has more important things to do than spend that time with you.
If your relationship is a little old, think back and see if you’ve missed the big events of his life in the past year. Were you invited to his Christmas party? Did he spend all of Valentine’s Day with you? How did the two of you celebrate his birthday?
These events are typically spent with the people you love most. If you notice that you are never spending weekends or big holidays together, it might be a sign that he’s spending them with someone else.
11. He always insists on coming over to your place
Guys who have side chicks are masters at being discrete. They know to keep all their fooling around to safe times of day and to always keep it out of their own place.
Now, take a look at your life. If your boyfriend always insists on coming over to your house instead of inviting you over to his own, it means that there is someone back home who can’t know about you. If he takes you to small, dingy restaurants on the city’s outskirts, it just means he doesn’t want to be seen with you in public.
Only ever meeting at your place, and at odd hours, is a definite cause for concern.
12. He’s secretive about his whereabouts
How often does your man tell you exactly where he is? Has he ever given you a reason to distrust his claims about his whereabouts? If this is something that has long bothered you then it’s time to think this through.
If he lies about his whereabouts, there’s a good chance that he’s covering his cheating tracks. He’s either with you or cheating on you. His constant lying about his whereabouts shows that he puts in the effort to keep you in the dark.
13. He doesn’t share his feelings with you
When a guy is madly in love with a girl, he frequently sets plans for the future. He seeks her advice on issues concerning his life, family, and career. He does it because he sees her as a vital part of his life.
If you’ve attempted to get your boyfriend to open up emotionally, and he’s shut you down, it’s possible that he doesn’t want to grow attached to you because he sees you as a side chick rather than his special someone.
14. He is more interested in your body
Your relationship is all about sex. He wants to hit the sheets as soon as he comes over and leave as soon as you guys are done. There isn’t much else in common between you both, either.
Of course, this might get you thinking: isn’t sex important for a good relationship? Sure, it is. But, if it’s the only thing keeping you guys together, it isn’t much to begin with.
You could begin by seeing if he’ll come and hang out with you during times when sex if off the table.
15. He either spends too much or too little money on you
When it comes to investing in relationships, guys who have numerous girlfriends tend to behave in one of two ways. They’ll either rent out luxurious accommodations or toast you with champagne, or they’ll appear as though they’re constantly fighting to make ends meet. It’s either one or the other.
Thus, you should keep an eye out for signs of him acting this way. Both are indicators that he sees you as the side chick in the relationship.
One of them says that you’re his “escape” from a bad relationship, and that is the one buying your silence. The other implies that he devotes all his financial resources to someone else and has nothing left to spend on you.
Do you get the feeling that your partner isn’t as invested in the relationship as you are? Do you have the uneasy feeling that you’re not the only woman in his life? If that’s the case, trust your gut – our instincts rarely fail us. If you observe any of the symptoms mentioned above, don’t hesitate to confront your guy.
If you feel like his answers aren’t convincing enough, you don’t have to stay in the relationship. Remember, you can decide when to walk out. You don’t owe him anything.