It’s great to be in love with a person who is all yours and treats you like you’re the most important person in the world. However, sometimes this same person can become the bane of your existence with their actions.
Whether by being overbearingly clingy or just downright insecure, many insecure boyfriends project their insecurities onto their partners, leading to a myriad of problems that eventually end up causing a breakup.
While having a possessive boyfriend can be, in some instances, insanely attractive and hot, going overboard with the protectiveness can make everyone uneasy. This can lead to fights and disagreements and also to instances of abuse in more extreme cases.
So, what can be done to avoid this abuse before it ever happens?
Some relationship red flags start creating cracks in the relationship. It is necessary to identify them and see them for their eventual indicators of an abusive relationship.
Remember: Abuse isn’t always physical but is always detrimental to the victim’s emotional and mental health.
Here are some signs you have an overprotective boyfriend:
Signs You Have an Overprotective Boyfriend
1. He Wants to Know Where You Are at All Times
Let’s be honest: It’s a tough world for women. Even in the most secure towns and cities, accidents can happen, and women can sometimes be easy pickings. So, a boyfriend taking care of you or wanting to know your whereabouts is sweet and protective, and in most cases, a very chivalrous thing to do.
However, some boyfriends can be a bit too much to handle. They want you to send them your GPS location and call you every ten minutes to see what you’re doing or where you are—there may be a sinister reason behind this.
If he’s checking up on you every couple of minutes, it just means that he doesn’t trust you to have a life of your own.
2. He Doesn’t Want You to Be Friends with Any Other Man
Of course, even before you met him, you had a couple of male friends with whom you enjoyed hanging out or working with at your job.
But if you notice that whenever you mention said male friends in conversation, your boyfriend always tenses up or starts acting weird, then you have a problem on your hands.
While it’s not okay to constantly talk about these male peers or even flirt with them casually, cutting them out from your life because your boyfriend says so is not healthy at all. Remind him that these people were in your life before he came and will stay in your life even if he chooses to leave.
3. He Wants to Check Your Phone
Another inane sign that your boyfriend is, in fact, an overprotective freak is that he wants to check your phone.
Everyone’s phone is their private property, and even if they have nothing on their phones, it is still an incredible violation of trust to go through someone’s phone behind their back.
A sign of trouble might be if he starts eavesdropping on your conversations, sees you smiling at your phone and peeks in, or even outrightly asks to see your phone if you use it for too long.
4. He’s Insecure About Your Past
Everyone has a dating history, and unless this is your very first relationship, there is a good chance you have a long list of boyfriends that you dated before you parted ways with them. That is the natural course of any individual’s romantic life.
However, when it comes to your boyfriend, he sees your dating history as a red flag. This man will constantly interrogate you to get more information about your past relationships, what went wrong, and who broke up with whom till you feel exhausted.
He’s not doing this out of natural curiosity. He just wants to make you relive past failed relationships and feel guilty about them.
5. He Wants You to Ask for His Permission
Another surefire sign that your boyfriend is extremely overprotective of you is that he believes you should seek his permission before you go out.
And going out does not always entail going out with friends or to a party. Even if you’re going out for groceries or just to the shopping mall, he either wants to accompany you everywhere or wants you to ask his permission before you leave.
Of course, this doesn’t include boyfriends who want to know where you are for peace of mind. This is a man who wants to keep tabs on you all the time—just like an FBI agent.
6. He Dictates What You Can and Cannot Wear
Ladies, remember one thing. Abuse isn’t always obvious, and there are many sneaky ways to drive a person insane. Not all kinds of abuse are visible or even overwhelming. In fact, most abuse comes in the form of “sincere advice” with phrases used such as “for your betterment,” “to protect you,” or even “I’m doing this because I love you.”
One such piece of advice you will receive from an overprotective boyfriend is about what you should and should not wear. He will tell you he’s only trying to protect you but will say things that sound sweet yet are incredibly misogynistic.
7. He Stalks You
If your possessive partner is stalking you in person or on social networking sites, it’s an indication he’s quite controlling.
Say you’re out with the girls one night, and he knows it’s just the girls. If he shows up unexpectedly, saying he just wanted to check on you, that indicates he is incredibly possessive. A possessive partner even follows you around all night.
Also, if he creates a fake Instagram account to catch you doing anything wrong, it’s a sign of a toxic and controlling relationship.
When someone goes to great lengths to impersonate someone else or spends his leisure time tracking your position on his phone, he has serious difficulties trusting you.
8. He Feels Entitled to Your Attention
Most people make one mistake when they are in a relationship: they abandon all other aspects of their life to make time for this new special someone. While it is important to make time for the things that matter in life, your boyfriend is not the only thing in your life.
Your education, career, and friendships are just as important as his, and you should pursue them no matter how much time or resources they take. If your man is overprotective, he will feel betrayed when you don’t give him attention and will belittle you whenever you choose something else over him.
9. He Gets Angry about Everything
Your partner may be possessive if he has anger control issues early in the relationship. A person who is in charge has little to no tolerance. As a result, even minor issues might cause a quarrel, escalating into a violent altercation or tantrum.
These are symptoms that your partner is possessive. Even the tiniest thing you say or do can set him off. Everything pisses him off—from you not being able to make time for him to someone casually flirting with you.
10. If You Confront Him, He Behaves in a Passive-Aggressive Manner
There is, of course, the off chance that you’ve already confronted your boyfriend about his misdoings and discussed what you want to be changed in the dynamics of your relationship. If he’s a good guy, he probably apologized and actually tried to change.
However, if we have pegged your boyfriend correctly, he will not apologize or change his ways because he doesn’t see anything wrong in them! He will either get angry at you, hurl abuses, or tell you that you’ve hurt him with your behavior and make you feel like the bad guy instead.
11. He Has Unrealistic Expectations of You
Another sign that you are currently dating someone overprotective is that he has expectations from you that are not easy to meet.
He expects you to always make time for him, no matter where you are or how busy. He expects you to text him back in a matter of minutes. He wants you to always look good no matter how little time you have on your hands.
Most importantly, he has unrealistic expectations about openness and honesty. This is a man that expects complete transparency from you regarding your schedule, whereabouts, and dating history but isn’t ready to give you this information when you ask for it.
12. He Is Always Suspicious of You
Have you ever talked to another man and felt a pang of guilt in your heart even though you’ve done nothing wrong? That’s because you’ve already been subjected to quite a lot of mental abuse by your overprotective boyfriend.
An overprotective boyfriend is someone who has no qualms in placing the dirtiest allegations on you and making you feel disgusted about every interaction you have/have had with previous boyfriends. To him, every interaction you have with any other man is an attempt to cheat on him.
13. He Wants You to Commit as Quickly as Possible
The uneasiness of an overprotective partner is reflected in his behavior. There’s a big possibility he’s overprotective if he’s quickly taking your relationship to the next level.
Is going through relationship milestones quicker than normal? This might be a man who doesn’t want you to realize how overprotective he is and get hitched to you before you get the chance to escape.
This man will do anything in his power to make you commit to him by using flowery words or with an engagement ring when you’re still in your honeymoon phase. You are his unsuspecting victim.
14. He Hates Everyone You’re Friends With
If he always has something unpleasant to say about everyone you meet, that should be a red flag that he might be possessive. Anyone who might pose a threat to a possessive man will be spoken down to. It makes no difference to him whether the reports are accurate or not.
According to a recent psychological study, a possessive man would criticize everyone around him while persuading you that he has your best interests at heart.
Whether it’s your family or your best friends, a possessive partner will always put himself first. When a dominating man does not get his way, he frequently becomes aggressive. He might have episodes of unrelenting anger where he abuses you and your loved ones without thinking of the impact it may have.
15. He Has No Other Friends
Isolating yourself from society is a solid sign that you are possessive. A controlling man prefers to be alone and be in a situation where he has absolute control. When he’s around a gathering of people, he gets apprehensive and loses his cool quickly.
Possessive individuals incapable of dealing with large groups of people are also overprotective of the people they love. It may result in an anxiety attack. But, more often than not, they will resort to violence or rage to deal with whatever is bothering them.
We all want to keep the people we care about safe. If we had our way, we’d wrap our loved ones in plastic wrap and store them on a shelf, safe from all kinds of danger. However, that’s not always possible. If your partner’s affection manifests itself as overprotectiveness that prevents you from living your life, it’s time to have a serious talk.
There’s a fine line between keeping an eye out for someone and feeling compelled to possess them. Make a clear distinction between the two, and only bring it up with your lover if you’re sure you’ll come out unscathed on the other side. If not, flee.
Any relationship that jeopardizes your physical and emotional well-being is a bad one. Remember that leaving a toxic or possessive relationship is a sign of strength and reflects poorly on him, not on you. Also, remember that you can always leave a relationship that does not make you happy.