Whether you’re a newlywed or someone who’s been married for years, married life can place a lot of pressure on you to keep things interesting and satisfy your husband sexually.
After all, isn’t that the key to a happy and healthy marriage? At the very least, it’s one of them!
The truth is, many wives are perplexed when it comes to their husbands’ emotional and sexual needs because they don’t understand them – and are therefore unable to meet them.
However, keeping your husband happy is a lot easier than you think. In fact, once you start pleasing him, you’ll notice not only a huge difference in the quality of your marriage but also in how eager he is to make you happy.
How do you know if you’re having enough sex and keeping him happy? Keep reading to find out why you might not be getting it on frequently enough for an intimate married life – and what you can do about it.
How Often Should You Have Sex?
This is a question often asked by couples and sex therapists alike. How much sex is the “right” amount? However, truth be told, this is an absurd question, for many reasons
First of all, who can measure the amount of love left in a relationship? And, even if you could, how can a person outside of the relationship determine how much intimacy they need?
Besides, factors including libido, time, children, and age all contribute to the couple’s sex drive and the way they spend their alone time.
There’s no such thing as a “normal” amount of sex, and every relationship is unique. “Normal” is whatever makes you and your spouse happy – and communication is crucial to ensuring that both partners are.
However, according to a 2017 survey, the average adult now has sex 54 times each year – or, roughly once per week. When compared to similar research conducted in the 1990s, this represents a significant decrease in sex.
Another study, which polled over 30,000 Americans for three distinct projects over the course of 40 years, revealed that a once-weekly regularity was the ideal for happiness.
Couples who were intimate more than once a week were not any more fulfilled than couples who had sex only once a week. However, the couples who had sex less than once a week were less fulfilled.
Here’s Why You’re Not Having as Much Sex as You Should
While it’s entirely normal to be unable to have sex on occasion, problems arise when sex becomes a chore – and physical intimacy becomes no longer a viable option in your relationship.
To solve it, you must first figure out the cause of the problems – and then make the necessary changes.
Stress manifests itself in a variety of ways, affecting both mental and physical health. It might make you feel unfocused, angry, and even affect your mental health. Elevated cortisol in the blood can cause physical symptoms such as upset stomachs and headaches – and all of the aforementioned can significantly reduce your libido.
Here are some ways you can combat the effect it might have on your sex life:
- Be on the alert for the signs of stress and tackle them before they cause further problems.
- Refocus your priorities.
- Don’t be afraid to say no.
- Relax and practice breathing exercises.
- Schedule time for yourself and your partner.
- Take good care of your body by eating well, getting a sufficient amount of sleep, and exercising frequently.
- Bodily Insecurities
Being insecure about one’s body is a prevalent problem, especially when it leads to feeling nauseated and unwell. Those who have low self-esteem typically feel shame or humiliation when naked in front of their partner and often lack the confidence to engage in sexual intercourse.
Face your insecurities head-on, even if they’re unpleasant. Instead of berating or nitpicking your appearance, mentally boost yourself up – and even hire a professional to assist you along the way.
Do things that make you joyful and boost your self-esteem and have a better understanding of your body. Try these 17 Best Ways to Build Your Self-Esteem and Stay Positive if you feel like you need some extra help.
- Prolonged Medical Conditions
Chronic illnesses such as rheumatoid arthritis, discomfort, weariness, stiffness, edema, vaginal dryness, and reduced function can affect libido. Medications and medical disorders might affect your sexual desire and ability to become physically aroused.
Consult your doctor — someone who’ll be there for you throughout the process — about treatment options and techniques to improve your sexual fulfillment.
- Technological Devices
The absurdity of technology is that while it often connects us intellectually, it can alienate us, even more, when it comes to intimacy.
Electronics such as phones and televisions should be kept out of the bedroom. Take it a step further by switching off your phone during dinner or keeping it in another room, and instituting a “tech curfew.”
- Emotional Disconnection
Not feeling emotionally connected with your husband may take its toll on your sex drive. Enjoying a kid-free weekend getaway, freeing up some time from your busy schedule to get out, or sending lovely texts can all help to rekindle that bond.
Check-in throughout the day. A kissy face emoji or a quick text message can keep the connection going. Even something as simple as taking a walk together after dinner without phones or even dancing can get you in the mood for intimacy.
Check out 19 Ways to Rekindle the Spark in Your Marriage for some more inspiration!
How to Keep Your Husband Happy
Physical intimacy isn’t just about intercourse. The focus should be on catering to the needs of both partners and connecting through intimacy as a pair – not on getting the number of times you have sex right.
If you’re married and your sexual connection isn’t working well, don’t give up. Often, you’ll need to focus on improving the sex – but other times, you’ll need to address other aspects of your marriage first, which will improve your intimacy.
1. Give Him Compliments
Although sex is mostly a physical process, you can still please your husband with your words. Praise him about something you haven’t talked about in a long time, especially his body, skills, or sexual prowess.
Your words of support and encouragement will undoubtedly tug at his heartstrings.
2. Be Physically Affectionate
Touch has a lot of power. Use your sense of touch when words fail, and you’ll keep your husband sexually stimulated – especially if you attack him from all sides (literally!).
If you go a step further and learn about your husband’s love language, sensations, and pleasurable areas, you’ll strike the perfect balance in more ways than one.
You can touch many different regions of his body to throw him into a flurry of feelings and make him feel loved.
3. Think of Sex as a Gift
Making love to your partner should never become a chore. Sex is a gift, intended for you and your husband to share.
When you show appreciation – even by doing something as simple as smiling at him after – you’re telling your husband that you’re having a great time with him and that there’s nowhere else you’d rather be than nestled in his arms.
You’ll keep your husband sexually content when he senses that you enjoy being in his presence.
4. Be Unpredictably Creative
Keeping things exciting in the bedroom might be as simple as a little spontaneity. Even the finest marriages go through a dry spell from time to time, but if you act quickly, you’ll be back on track in no time.
5. Have Quickies
Dare we suggest a quickie before you both go to work? If you and your partner both have early morning starts and only have time to be with each other after work, a quickie might suffice.
A quickie in the morning will get you started on the right foot for the day while also keeping things interesting in the bedroom.
It’s scientifically proven that couples who have sex first thing in the morning are more creative and less anxious at work!
Not only will you be making your spouse happy sexually, but you’ll both be happy for the rest of the day.
6. Allow Him To Lead The Way
Every man has an intrinsic desire to be the hero or the “leader.”
Make yourself his “leading lady” – but let him take the lead. It might be sexually pleasant for a husband to induce an orgasm in his wife in a way that only he can do.
This tip can be used outside of the bedroom as well. Allowing your husband to lead the way generates a positive sense of well-being and demonstrates your faith in him. As a result, it demonstrates your admiration for him as the man of the house.
7. Make Sex A Priority
It’s super important to schedule time for sex. Regardless of whether you’re busy or sleepy, your time for some intimacy should be treated as sacred.
Do you recall how you felt when you first married? You almost certainly didn’t go a week without having sex.
If you’re both busy, schedule some time to make love – even if it’s just a quickie as we suggested above. If you don’t have time in the morning, set aside some time in the evening.
8. Take Part In His Fantasies
Your husband might want to see you in gorgeous attire or might want you to dominate in bed. You can indulge in his desires if you’re in a genuine and respectable married relationship, and he would gladly open up to you.
9. Dress Up in Fashionable Attire
Try to keep with the times in terms of fashion. Wear something enticing and gorgeous that your hubby would like to see you in. Accessories and makeup can also enhance your overall look. Dress up a bit sexy to catch his attention and gratify him by checking out these 6 Tips on Dressing to Impress.
10. Take Pleasure in Roleplaying
You can engage in some fun role-playing and get a little personal. Try various roles in which you and your partner both feel at ease.
Your romantic gestures could become memorable, and your partner will fall more in love with you than ever before.
11. Take a Chance
You can explore new aspects of pleasure and rekindle the fire in your relationship if you and your partner have a strong and open relationship. Your husband might appreciate some fresh developments, and your relationship would strengthen as a result of it.
12. Make Your House a Haven
Your house should be a paradise for you and your husband. At times, the outside world can be difficult – and you both may seek tranquility and relief things get tough. Make your home a peaceful haven for both you and your husband to unwind.
The Bottom Line
In any relationship, sexual intimacy is essential – and not just for the sake of sensuous pleasure.
All human beings crave closeness and intimacy, and all couples need to connect through sex. In fact, the brain releases special chemicals (such as serotonin) to help the couple bond after they’ve had intercourse.
No matter how long it’s been since you got married, you should treat every day with your partner like it’s your first – which is the only way to keep the magic alive.
Be romantic and let him know you love him. No one knows the dynamics of your relationship better than you – so, as a wife, only you know how to please your husband and how much.