When you first started dating, the giddy feeling of a newfound romance must’ve made you feel like you’re on top of the world. But, as your relationship got older, he started focusing on other aspects of his life – while you’re left missing all the time you spend together. .
Much like any other strong, negative feeling, missing someone more than normal can be harmful – to you, most of all. Read on find out why you miss your boyfriend even though you’re still together, and whether it is healthy or toxic.
What Does it Feel Like?
Other bonds of love, including best friends, siblings or parents, are based primarily on a mental bond, which is why you have never felt this way when you miss them. Intimate partnerships, on the other hand, often a whole other aspect of physicality, so it becomes challenging to cope when the physicality has faded away.
As natural as it is to miss your partner when they aren’t around, there is a theory to missing your partner that you might not be conscious of. Emotions are complex and difficult to comprehend at times, but researchers can sometimes make sense of it.
- Your body feels it too. When you’re in a long-term relationship, it’s normal to miss your partner. Missing them when you’ve just seen them, on the other hand, might seem alarming, but experts claim it is perfectly natural. Your body releases chemicals when you miss someone – so it’s actually just the chemicals in your brain doing their job.
- It can feel like withdrawal. If you’re missing someone terribly, it’s not your fault. It doesn’t mean you’re clingy or vulnerable; it just means your body is doing its job. Research has found that your mind and body during a breakup or separation from the person you love experiences similar symptoms to withdrawal from a powerful drug.
- Dopamine is to blame. When women and men fall in love, there are a few neurobiological processes that take place. In addition to testosterone and estrogen, the body releases adrenaline, dopamine, and serotonin. Dopamine is actually responsible for our deep and unyielding affection towards our romantic partner.
Why Do You Miss Your Boyfriend – Even Though You’re Still Together?
Depending on the day or the circumstance, you might have a mixture of these reasons for missing your boyfriend.
1. You love him, a lot.
You enjoy being in his company and spending time with him. If you enjoy spending quality time with your boyfriend, you’ll probably always on the lookout for excuses to hang out.
2. You’ve always had a crush on him.
If you’ve always liked him, there’s a good chance you miss him as soon as he’s gone.
Because you’ve always harbored feelings of affection for him, there is a good chance you yearn for him more than he longs for you. You may miss interacting with him because he gives you a feeling you can’t replace.
3. You haven’t seen him in a long time.
It’s completely natural to miss your boyfriend if you’ve been apart for a long time. A natural worry takes over you when you’ve apart too long. What if they find someone else? What if they stop liking you like they used to?
This mix of emotions can make you miss him more than you can bear.
4. He’s only physically there.
He might be so preoccupied with other worries that even when they’re with you physically, their mind is somewhere else. What happens is that they hardly tune in to what you’re saying or try to cut the date short.
While you may understand his side, it still sucks nonetheless.
5. You’ve had a major change in schedule.
As you grow older, jobs and school schedules shift, and while the romance might still be alive, other more pressing matters take center stage. You need to reorganize and plan your life in a different way than before, which could result in you spending less time with your boyfriend.
6. You want to see him more.
Many times, romantic relationships are more than just romance. You might want to see your boyfriend more frequently than you do now. This may be due to conflicting schedules or just because he’s never free when you are, and vice versa.
Is It Bad to Miss Your Boyfriend?
Contrary to what others might say, it’s not bad to be missing your boyfriend!
It shows your concern and respect for him as a human. This is crucial in a relationship, because it will help you determine if you really want to be with him.
However, you should keep an eye on what you’re experiencing so that you don’t get too worked up. If your relationship frequently makes you mad or sad, you should consider making some changes.
When It Becomes Toxic
The real issue begins when you’re too emotional. Make sure you aren’t down all of the time.
Missing your boyfriend can become toxic for you and the relationship when you experience feelings of intense loneliness, sadness, rage, or frustration. Here are the signs to look out for:
1. You pick fights with him, and enjoy it.
We know how this plays out:
You became enraged with him. You picked a fight and enjoyed doing it, and his utmost attention to you made you feel better about yourself. You’ve finally given him a reason strong enough to stay.
2. Your arguments bring a false sense of closeness.
While fighting, it may seem that you and your partner had an extra sense of closeness: you were both concentrating solely on each other, you shared intense feelings, and you demonstrated how much you loved one another.
This is deceiving – it’s a phony feeling of closeness. At the same time, this war of hearts will in reality separate you from him, making him tired of you and also hurting him in numerous ways.
3. Love becomes an obsession
Missing your partner can become an addiction. A mixture of social, personality, and biological influences all play a crucial role.
For example, some individuals are predisposed to obsessive thinking while others have personality characteristics that lead them to think about the same things repeatedly.
If you’re missing your partner in a way that’s interfering with your daily life, it’s important to develop safe coping mechanisms.
What Can You Do If You’re Missing Your Boyfriend Too Much?
If you feel like you miss your boyfriend too much or just want to keep him off your thoughts, there are tons of ways to comfort yourself.
These suggestions can be especially helpful if you know you aren’t going to see him for some time or when you’re feeling extra sad and emotional.
1. The Handy Emotional Health Checklist
Focus on analyzing your feelings, and see if you truly feel happy with where you are right now.
- Have you come up with a way to explain how you’re feeling on the inside?
- Are you able to pinpoint the source of your emotion?
- What actions do you take as a result of your emotions?
- Are your impulses beneficial or detrimental?
- Are you flexible or rigid and challenging in your thought process?
- Are you looking at the situation from every angle?
- Is another emotion interfering with your ability to recognize your primary emotion?
- Are you feeling guilty or embarrassed about your rage, depression, or another emotion?
2. Take care of yourself.
It’s just as necessary to tend to emotional scars as it is to treat physical ones. You may not need stitches, but a little self-compassion will help you recover faster.
Self-care for mental anguish may include the following:
- Selecting healthy, mood-boosting foods
- Setting aside some time for restful sleep
- Doing some physical activity, such as going for long walks
- Seeking the help of family and friends for emotional support
3. Acknowledge your feelings
Emotional repression has never been a successful tactic, rather it causes more issues – including an uncontrollable urge to be mad at your boyfriend when you miss him so much that you want to weep.
Knowing that you feel angry and acknowledging that it results in harmful fights is the first step to changing for the better.
4. Start a journal.
Analyzing and journaling your feelings will help you gain a better understanding of your emotions. Writing it all down will help you perform a self-catharsis that’s a major step towards healing.
5. Talk your feelings out with other friends.
Regardless of what emotions you might be feeling, getting them out and processing them is almost always the best option. If you don’t, you might end up despising the person who brings you the most joy.
6. Cry it out.
In such an emotional time, allowing yourself to be vulnerable might just be the best thing to do. If you want to feel better, let it all out.
When it comes to relieving the tedious pain, take the route of least resistance.
7. Give him space.
Many people in intimate relationships and tight friendships end up doing every activity together, leaving them with less space for themselves.
The problem with this, is that everyone needs some alone time. Although a temporary separation may leave you feeling sad, it also allows you to learn more about yourselves.
8. Explore your individuality.
Take advantage of this opportunity to explore new passions or activities that your significant other doesn’t share, whether it’s a solo camping trip or a weekend devoted exclusively to watching low-budget independent films.
9. Develop habits that make you happy.
Hobbies and other fun experiences will serve as positive outlets, allowing you to cope with the pain of missing someone.
For the time being, it might be more beneficial to concentrate on your own passions rather than mourning the loss of previously shared hobbies.
10. Make new friends.
It’s natural to feel like no one else can fill the void in your heart because missing someone defines special isolation felt for one individual.
Other friends and family members can offer compassion, understanding, and other forms of emotional support. They can simply listen to you or divert your attention away from him by proposing other activities you might enjoy.
How to Feel More Secure in Your Relationship
Suggest Remote Hangouts
Although texting, calling, or video chatting can’t provide the same sense of satisfaction as face-to-face contact, it can help you feel more connected as you wait out the distance.
Scheduling daily “meeting” times gives you plenty to look forward to.
Give, Without Expecting Anything in Return
Why not write them a letter in between digital meetups to let them know they’re on your mind?
Handwritten letters can seem antiquated, but are an excellent way to express emotions. Since you can’t use the backspace key, it’s much more important to concentrate on your thoughts when writing and choose phrases that accurately express your feelings. But, don’t be upset if he doesn’t send you a letter right back.
Communicate Without Being Passive Aggressive
To do this, it’s important to listen before you speak, without the intent of replying or shouting. The best way to be sure that you and your boyfriend are on the same page is by actively communicating.
Don’t say things that you don’t mean or things that you know will hurt him.
Don’t Compare Your Relationship to Others
Often, people feel unhappy in their relationships because they’re using someone else’s relationship as a yardstick to measure their happiness.
Typically, it’s a romantic movie that has now been imprinted on your mind or a friend who seems too happy for it to be real. Stop comparing yourself or your relationship to anybody else, because that’s surely a recipe for disaster.
While none of these suggestions can replace immediate face-to-face time with your boyfriend, they can be useful when you’re still too busy to see each other or live far apart.
To come up with more ideas, communication is key. Commit to ideas that don’t take a long time to complete. You don’t want to attach a lot of extra pressure to your lives if you’re too occupied to see each other in person!