Having fun and discovering new ideas sexually in the bedroom is nothing new. From the dawn of time, couples have been exploring and indulging in kink and fantasy, whether they defined their preferences as taboo or not at the time.
If you have a husband who has hinted at the prospect of spanking in the bedroom or if you have a fantasy of your own, familiarizing yourself with the act of spanking is the first step to getting started with the kink.
The act of spanking in a sexual manner is typically tied to a dominant/submissive dynamic, which is ideal for partners who have a genuine interest in a BDSM lifestyle or a dominant/submissive relationship with their partners and/or spouses.
Those who enjoy spanking may feel a sense of release, a heightened level of intimacy with their partner, and even sexual excitement. If you and your husband are thinking of trying a bit of spanking in the bedroom, there are a few tips to keep in mind as you find out what works for you.
Before heading straight into the bedroom, take time to learn about spanking with one another. Even if one partner in the relationship is familiar with the prospect of spanking, it is important for both partners to feel well-informed and educated on each kink they decide to partake in.
Whether your husband is well-versed in spanking or new to the idea, you are much more likely to feel comfortable with moving forward with your fantasies once you are both on the same page. Spend time joining online communities that focus on BDSM, spanking, kink, and even guides for partners as well as married couples specifically.
Online communities are available via message boards and social media, making it easier than ever to learn more about spanking techniques, fantasies, and potential risks or issues that may arise.
Anytime you are thinking of introducing a new kink into the bedroom, including spanking, it is imperative to discuss your fantasy as well as the potential limits you have for yourself in-depth. Discussing the fantasy at length as well as the limits you are comfortable with is a way to communicate openly about kink while removing any level of shame you may have attached to the idea, especially if you are new to spanking and/or the kink community as a whole.
Before you begin trying out the fantasy you envision, it is important to also discuss limitations for each partner involved.
Ask your husband the following questions before you begin exploring the idea of spanking in bed:
- What is it about spanking that appeals to you? Do you find it exciting, thrilling, taboo?
- How can I help you to achieve the emotions and/or feelings you are trying to achieve with your spanking fantasy?
- Do you prefer to be spanked with bare hands, or other items such as household objects and sex toys?
- Is there a specific atmosphere or ambiance that goes along with the fantasy you have in mind when being spanked?
- What type of role do you prefer I play when spanking you? Do you have a specific role you intend to take on or want to take on?
- Do you prefer outfits or gear when being spanked? How can we help turn your vision into a reality with costumes and outfits that truly fit with your spanking fantasy?
The easier it becomes to discuss fantasies and kinks such as spanking, the more likely you are to explore new ideas and paths in the bedroom with one another. Getting to know more about your husband’s spanking desires can help you to become closer while also allowing you to feel even more confident while in the bedroom together.
With any kink or fantasy, it is always advisable to have a safe word in place, even if you enjoy pushing the limits or seeing how far you can take a specific fantasy you have in mind in bed. Without a safe word, you or your husband may feel uncomfortable if you are placed in a compromising or painful position, which is why it is also essential to discuss the pain factor of any kink you are entertaining.
Before you begin spanking your husband, it is important to ask him how he feels about his pain threshold and whether or not pain is a factor in his spanking fantasy or kink. Set a safe word that you are both familiar with based on limits and restrictions you have already discussed and agreed upon together.
Creating the right atmosphere and ambiance can make or break an experience, especially as it pertains to kink and sexual fantasies. Without the right atmosphere and ambiance, the mood can quickly go south, resulting in a less-than-thrilling time. Not only is it important to create a visual atmosphere and setting that is appropriate and appealing for spanking and kink, but it is also imperative to “play the part” of the partner who is doling out the discipline in spanking form.
If your husband is interested in a discreet experience, consider using candlelight and a darker space. Introduce blindfolds and handcuffs if your husband has hinted at the idea of being submissive throughout the entirety of the experience.
Explore the various rules that you have set in place when it comes to his spanking. Inform him that he is being punished and that he must behave to help with building the mood. You can announce future spanking punishments or kink dates in public locations or discreetly while around others to help with building the mood and creating the ambiance necessary for an unforgettable time.
When you are getting involved with the fantasy of spanking for the first time, you may find it overwhelming if your husband requests spanking instruments and/or toys. If you are just thinking of using your hands to spank your husband, think again. Today, there are plenty of instruments and toys that can also come in handy to help bring just about any fantasy and vision to life.
Spanking instruments can range from classic wooden spoons found throughout the home to whips, brushes, and even flat wooden brushes and paddles, depending on the spanking instruments both you and your husband prefer.
Depending on the dynamic of your relationship, you can also order your husband to receive any of the instruments you choose, based on the level of punishment and submissiveness he desires.
Exploring spanking positions is another way to quickly become oriented with the spanking kink, even if you have been spanked in the past yourself. Spanking your own husband may be a new experience, but it is one that you can easily integrate into once you are familiar with positions, stances, methods, and instruments that are most commonly incorporated with the kink.
The most common spanking position is typically the over-the-knee position, which is depicted in the media, parenting, and plenty of sexual marketing campaigns throughout the decades. The over-the-knee spanking position is arguably one of the most popular positions used in the spanking fantasy, for both men and women. If you are considering positions, be sure to consider the weight and height of your husband to ensure you are both comfortable in the position you settle in first.
Another common spanking position is the traditional standing spanking position. Requiring your husband to stand straight and tall is one way to keep him on his toes, quite literally in some cases.
You can also discuss the possibility of your husband lying across a couch or a bed, depending on the type of spanking he is interested in as well as the kink he is eager to explore with you.
Discuss positions in-depth as well as positions that your husband is comfortable with being spanked in. While some individuals are comfortable with being spanked up and down their entire bodies, others may prefer that you stick to specific areas of the body or zones that are more desensitized for them. Always discuss locations that are acceptable for spanking and/or any form of pain prior to exploring a kink or fantasy to ensure that all active participants feel comfortable, satisfied, and pleasured at all times.
In addition to discussing physical pain limitations, it is also important to discuss language limits and/or restrictions that may be necessary with your husband. If your husband is interested in degradation in addition to spanking, be sure to clarify the following:
- What language is appropriate for you?
- Do you prefer to be called names? If so, are there names you prefer? Are there names that I should avoid at all times?
- What insults are over the line for you? How can I help you to fulfill your fantasies without interfering with your relationship or personal life?
Taking the time to clarify boundaries and discuss both physical as well as language limits is essential to truly enjoy various kinks and fantasies, including spanking.
Once you feel that both you and your husband are entirely comfortable with the prospect of spanking and introducing the spanking kink into your bedroom, it is time for you to get into character. Developing a character when you intend to spank your husband is not only a way for you to feel free and able to let go, but it is also a way for you to further pursue exploring personas that are ideal for you and your husband in bed.
If your husband is excited at the prospect of being dominated, spend time researching and getting comfortable with dominatrix personas. Practice giving commands and speaking sternly to your husband even when you are outside of the bedroom to help build anticipation and to get him excited about what is to come.
Order your husband into the position of your choice, based on the preferences, limitations, and fantasies you have discussed with one another. Ordering your husband into position is the first step to getting him excited, especially if he has requested being dominated and ordered around throughout the spanking session.
Once he is in the proper position, inform him that he will be punished and/or spanked. Tell him why he is being spanked and your reasoning, if any. Even if your reasoning is that you simply want to punish him or make him sore, verbally announcing your intentions is one of the quickest ways to get him in the mood.
Begin by spanking your husband with a light tap, or even with a hard surprise. Choose your method based on the type of kink or fantasy you are trying to fulfill, as well as your husband’s initial reaction to your starting the session.
Tease your husband by brushing your spanking instrument, paddle, or hand below his bottom on his thighs, calves, and even on his feet. Use light taps along his legs to help get him excited and prepared for his spanking session.
Spank your husband, becoming gradually more aggressive with each spank. Take breaks and use pauses intermittently to throw your husband off-guard and to keep him guessing when he will receive more. Bark commands and orders at your husband throughout the spanking session — redirecting him, repositioning him, and even calling names, depending on his preferences as well as your kink limitations.
Allow your husband to yelp and respond with pleas, especially if you both agree on a safe word and your husband has given you permission to use harsher techniques. Provide him with time in between spanks to relax and decompress, before starting up again.
When exploring a spanking fetish or kink with your husband for the first time, do so slowly so you are both comfortable and relaxed at the prospect at all times. Avoid rushing into advanced spanking techniques and instruments if you are new to spanking, and instead, explore spanking and the kink itself together at your own pace. Taking your time with any new kink or fetish is advisable for an optimal outcome.
By taking the time to learn more about spanking as well as one another’s personal fantasies and kinks, it becomes much more feasible to keep your sex life thrilling and satisfying for years to come.