We’ve all seen relationships fall apart, and whether it was our own or a friend’s, it’s always kind of painfully obvious. The glaring signs are always there, and often both partners can see them perfectly well but still do nothing to address the problems.
How do you know your relationship is falling apart? Read on for some of the most obvious signs, and for some tips on how you can fix it.
1. Intimacy is gone.
It’s really easy to spot when two people have no deep emotions left for one another. The intimacy is the secret sauce of every relationship – the desire to spend time in the other person’s company, the need to reach out and touch them, the desire to suddenly kiss them, and wanting to have sex with them.
Intimacy is the main bond of a good relationship, and without it it’s hard to see why those two people are even together.
2. Communication is poor, or no longer there.
Without communication, there is no relationship. Daily communication is key to a strong partnership. Not just discussing what you’ll have for dinner – but really talking, listening, exchanging feedback, discussing ideas and concepts, and building a future together through the means of talking and sharing.
Without regular communication, calls and texts when apart, and being able to be comfortable with silence when sitting next to one another, a relationship is on its way to die.
3. No more terms of endearment.
You can usually spot a couple by the words of endearment they use with one another. While not every couple uses pet names, it’s pretty clear how strong their relationship is by the way they talk to one another, and how often they address each other.
If ‘baby’ and ‘honey’ have been replaced with Simon and Jess, then you know there’s trouble in paradise.
4. You don’t spend enough time together.
The amount of time a couple spends doing shared activities can show how much they love each other. When their relationship is falling apart, they simply don’t make time to do things together anymore.
They may be choosing to be spending more time with their friends and families, and a lot less time together – meaning no shared hobbies, no travel plans, and no spontaneous date nights.
The things they once enjoyed doing together are no longer a priority in their relationship, and it becomes a chore to try and arrange to do something together.
Do You Even Want to Fix It?
Before learning what you can do to fix your relationship, it’s important to be honest with yourself: do you even want to fix your relationship? Here are a few questions you need to answer first:
- Have you had enough of him?
- Have you tried multiple times to patch things up to no avail?
- Are you the only one actually fighting to save the relationship, while he’s totally checked out?
- Do you have the feeling that he is involved with someone else?
- Do you still love him, and have hope that you will live happily ever after?
- How would you feel if you split up and saw him with another woman?
- How do you feel when he touches you?
Once you’ve honestly answered the questions above, if you still want to make things work, then read on to learn here’s how to fix a relationship that’s falling apart. Otherwise, it may be time to call it quits.
Get Your Priorities Right
If somewhere along the line you’ve lost touch with what’s important, it’s no wonder that your relationship is suffering. It could be work, the house, the children, the dog, or something else that keeps you from paying attention to him. Whatever it is, be honest about whether or not it’s a good enough excuse.
Perhaps it feels like a luxury to be spending a lot of time hanging out with your partner or husband.
You can’t spend too much time, effort or love on a person. You can’t kiss your husband or partner too much or tell him that you love him too often; you can only do it too little.
Don’t Treat Him Like Your Roommate
If you’ve started treating your partner more like a roommate, then you really need to take stock. Love isn’t reserved for the honeymoon stage; true love is for life. It’s important to make time and space for love to flourish and to protect it from the mundane aspects of everyday life.
- Have fun.
- Kiss often.
- Be spontaneous.
- Have sex.
- Switch off the TV, and just talk.
It’s hard to be in love when your partner feels like a roommate – always doing things on their own, hanging out separately, and only coming together to eat and watch TV.
Be Honest About How You Feel
If your relationship is falling apart, then why keep it quiet? Be honest and direct with him. Tell him how you feel, what you want, and what you’re thinking.
There’s no point in fighting to save a one-sided relationship; you need to both want it. It’s also important to know whether he’s in it for the long run. If he is, then you need to work together to get out of the miserable situation you are in.
Rekindle the Fire
It’s hard to think of someone as a sexy, attractive person you can’t keep your hands off if you only see them for a few hours a day, do all of their laundry, and occasionally fight over what to watch on TV.
In order to rekindle the fire in your relationship, you need to create the right environment – one that makes both of you really see and desire each other. Here are a few sure-fire ways to do just that:
- Book a romantic getaway. A place with a hot tub or a trip to the sea is a must!
- Schedule in a date night each month. No excuses! Make sure you take turns to organize it. Go somewhere new each time, and choose romantic places.
- Try a new activity together. Whether it’s a new sport or something really adventurous like bungee jumping, the shared adrenaline will do wonders for how you perceive one another.
- Write love letters to one another. Use the opportunity to say all the things you can’t say face to face. Show appreciation and love for everything they do.
Create a Bucket List Together
If you feel stuck in the mundane of everyday relationship life, then it’s time to set some new goals and try some new things together. Why not create a bucket list full of activities you want to try together, and places you wish to visit?
Planning new adventures together and going out of your comfort zone will get you looking forward to the next few months and years together.
It’ll also help you see your partner in a brand new light, and recognize what they value and what they dream of.
Make Space for Romance
Being romantic is not just about bringing flowers once in a while or choosing a romcom to watch. It’s so much more! Romance is what makes your heart flutter, it’s butterflies in the stomach, anticipating a great time together and being unapologetic about making time for it. Nothing else should come in between you, your partner and time for fun and romance.
If you want to save your relationship, make time and space for romance, and truly commit to it. Recognize how important it is for your relationship to not just survive, but actually thrive. This means both of you need to put in the effort to plan romantic activities and gestures.
Chores, work, children – they can all wait! It’s about spending quality time together and trying new things. Here are a few romantic ideas to spice things up:
- Go wine tasting in the countryside.
- Create a love coupon book for him.
- Spend a night without any devices or TV.
- Go stargazing together – bonus if you bring a picnic basket.
- Build a movie tent at home and have a movie marathon.
- Create a Spotify playlist for them with all the songs that remind you of them.
- Create a scrapbook full of memories together.
- Have sex in an unexpected place, perhaps even somewhere public.
Change Something About Your Appearance
Love is in the eye of the beholder, but when two people look at one another for a long time and get used to the same appearance, it can get a little dull – no matter how much they used to love each other.
Why don’t you try something new about your appearance that he is not expecting? A new outfit or a new haircut, a bright new lipstick? Chances are he will notice your efforts and it will bring some much necessary excitement!
If you feel like you’ve kind of let yourself go recently, it’s time to remember how much effort you put in at the start of your relationship. You probably didn’t have chipped nails or grown out roots.
Go and get a little makeover. It’ll make you feel fabulous and sweep him off his feet!
Become A Better Listener
Most relationship problems can be fixed by simply communicating more effectively. Doesn’t that sound easy? However, partners grow apart wondering what’s causing all the issues – when it’s right in front of their eyes. It all stems from the lack of effective communication.
Committing to becoming a better listener will improve the overall communication. Refrain from jumping to conclusions, using blame language, criticizing him, and crying to get your way. Next time you talk to him, simply listen.
We’ve got two ears and one mouth for a reason: to listen more! Here are some tips on the best way to have your needs met:
- Communicate clearly.
- Be calm and composed about it.
- Don’t bring unnecessary emotion into your discussions.
- Be open to feedback and accept it with gratitude.
- Don’t bring up the past or focus on the negative.
- Live in the present, and focus on what you want – to be happy and loved!
If your relationship is falling apart and you want to do everything you can in order to fix it, then you need to put in the effort. You can’t just expect a relationship to be smooth sailing without any hard work. You are partners, so come up with a plan to save your relationship, as partners.
If everything else fails and you feel like you can’t fix it yourselves, couples counselling is a great last option.