You’ve been dreaming about your wedding day throughout your childhood. You’ve envisioned your marriage and fantasized about having a nice house, a gorgeous family, and living happily ever after with your prince charming.
But fast forward to your grown up life, and things aren’t as straightforward or happy as you envisioned. There are things nobody tells you about marriage, and unfortunately, hating your spouse is actually quite common.
Keep reading for a list of insights as to why you hate your husband, and what you can do about it.
Why Do You Hate Your Husband?
Hate might very well be a strong word, and only you really know your relationship well enough to make that determination. But, there may be some underlying reasons why you hate your husband that can help you figure out the next step in your relationship.
There’s a lack of spark in your relationship.
Not all marriages are what they were once. Sometimes, as you grow old together and get more years of experience as a couple, the romance can die out.
The dullness of your relationship can cause you to resent your husband, especially when you think about time spent without him.
It’s not a two way street.
Marriage should be an equal partnership, but you’ve realized that you’re doing too much for him while and he’s not meeting you halfway.
Plus, when you voice your feelings and emotions, you may find that he really doesn’t care much about what you want or feel. You may feel ignored and underappreciated as a result, causing you to hate him.
He neglects himself.
Are there times where you’ve felt more like his mother than his wife? Has he been going through lazy spells where he doesn’t maintain himself? Maybe he’s gained weight, doesn’t shower frequently, has bad grooming habits, or bad morning breath.
Maybe he keeps up with his physical characteristics, but you’ve found that he lacks ambition or motivation. Worst of all, is when you call him out on his behavior and he plays the victim card, and never tries to improve himself.
It’s like he’s stopped trying to impress you, and you’ve become disinterested in him.
There’s a lack of communication.
Does your husband make time for you and want to hear your thoughts? If you have serious topics that need to be discussed, including children, mortgage, vacations, job changes, or anything else, he may not respond well.
Similarly, he may have opposing views to what yours are, and you might be hesitant to express your own.
Sometimes, keeping these topics locked away can only cause resentment and hatred for your husband to build up inside of you. If effective communication isn’t maintained, your relationship will not be able to thrive.
He hurt you.
Has he betrayed you somehow? If you’ve found your husband has told a lie, been unfaithful, or you think you might be in an emotionally abusive relationship, it can be difficult if not impossible to like him. There’s nothing worse than replaying the feelings of hurt over and over in your head.
Once the trust is broken, it can be hard to build back. You might find yourself staying in a relationship hoping you can trust him again, and you’ve gone through the 6 Stages Of Healing From Infidelity, but still can’t forgive his actions no matter how hard you try.
You’re stressed with other things going on in your life
We’re all human, and can get caught up with our fast paced lives. Sometimes external factors can affect out personal lives, causing a lot of emotional pressure. How you handle such circumstances can influence your feelings towards your husband.
If you’re very stressed and trying to deal with your problems on your own, your husband might easily irritate you for every slightest reason. Even though it’s not their fault, the stuff they can do can add up, and cause you a lot of annoyance.
He’s too self absorbed.
There’s nothing worse than doing something for someone and feeling like it’s not reciprocated. Maybe your husband is so invested in himself that he only ever focuses on him, and asks very little of your life. Or, he’s constantly demanding you to do certain things around the house or fetch him something.
You’re sick of saying yes to all his requests because you have a life also. His lack of reciprocation, appreciation, and concern for your feelings and lifestyle might cause you to hate his personality.
He nitpicks everything you do.
While you may share common interests, that doesn’t mean you think and act the same. For example, you might have a different way of doing chores from each other – but that doesn’t mean there’s a right or wrong way.
If he can’t help watch over you and pick out flaws in everything you do, you probably always feel micromanaged and put down, instead of being supported by your partner. He might not even be consciously aware of what he’s doing; it’s ingrained in his behavior, and it’s putting you down.
If any of the above reasons seems like it applies to you, read on to find out what you can to do improve your marriage – or whether it’s time to call it quits.
How to Stop Hating Your Husband
Just to warn you, you’re not going to stop hating your husband instantly. Marriage requires hard work and progress. It will take a lot of your effort and time, and by no means will it be an easier process. However, if you follow some of these steps, you may have a high chance of having a more satisfying and fulfilling marriage. Trust us; it’s surely worth it.
1. Focus on the good parts of your relationship.
Sometimes, depending on the circumstances you have going on in your life, it can seem difficult to like your husband no matter how much effort he puts in. In fact, the reason why you hate him might not even be his fault at all.
Try to focus on the positive. In your darkest, hate-filled moments, try and look for all his positive actions and the thoughtful gestures he brings into your marriage.
This could include little things like him making your dinner, bringing your flowers, or giving you a massage. The more you focus on the positive, the more you’ll see your husband in a good light.
Similarly, the more thankful you are for the good things he does, the more your tension will ease – and it’ll be easier to resolve any conflict you have.
2. Accept your husband for who he is.
As humans, we all have the power to change – but change can become a lot more difficult as we get older. While you might expect your husband to do something a certain way or want his behaviors to change, a true marriage should encourage you to accept each other – flaws and all.
Loving each other unconditionally, no matter how he behaves, is a part of being married. If you thing change will bring you happiness, it’s up to you to change your thoughts and expectations.
3. Add a date night into your marriage.
Although the honeymoon phase may have disappeared, it doesn’t mean you should stop trying to rekindle the spark to your marriage.
As we grow older, we can get caught up in other life matters such as our jobs, children, family, and other events. We can get so engrossed in this that we often forget about our each other.
You might find yourself blaming your husband for the relationship becoming mundane, but the truth is, it could just as much be you. You have the opportunity to break the cycle, by reconnecting over a date night once a week.
Make time to bond without the distractions of life, and become stronger as husband and wife. Ignite the flames even more by doing your hair and makeup, and wearing a hot outfit to lure him in. Weekly date nights are a surefire way to keep your marriage happy.
4. Be a better communicator.
You might find yourself hating your husband as your feelings and anger are building up inside. Often the smallest of feelings or thoughts can spiral out of control, causing something once small into a huge problem.
The best way to deal with them, is to tell your husband honestly – but without any malicious intent – about how you feel. Communicating with him will allow you to feel relieved, and you won’t feel the burden of dealing with your problems on your own.
5. Write your feelings down.
Sometimes it’s better to think before you act, which is especially true in marriage. If you find yourself regularly hating your husband or becoming annoyed by the things he does, write your feelings down in a journal or listing out your feelings into pros and cons.
After some time, you can look back on your feelings and highlight the important areas you need to discuss. This can help you both resolve quick minor issues, and deal with the major issues together as a couple.
6. Attend marriage counseling.
Unfortunately, marriage counseling can have a negative stigma attached to it that it doesn’t deserve. It can actually be very beneficial to some couples.
When you visit a counselor, you’re in a safe space to express your feelings and find solutions together, and they provide a neutral opinion. You can also both choose to see a counselor online without having to take too much time out of your schedule.
7. Don’t compare your marriage to others.
When you’re going through a difficult time, it can be easily tempting to visit Google and look at celebrity couples, or to compare yourselves to friends and family couples around you. We cannot stress enough how bad this is.
Every marriage is different, and has different factors that make them unique. Doing this will only be setting constant unrealistic expectations for your spouse, and respect will diminish.
A good marriage should happen organically, and is unique to that specific couple.
8. Work on yourself.
You may find yourself hating your husband, and it may not be his fault at all. One of the best ways to start appreciating him is to start appreciating yourself. You might not be feeling happy internally due to your own perception of yourself.
Take time for yourself. Work out, get your hair done, buy new clothes, see some friends, and do anything else that might make you feel good. When you’re happy, it’s more likely he’ll mirror your behavior – and your happy moods will bounce off each other.
9. Make your expectations clear.
No one knows the answers to everything. If you find your husband doing something that frustrates you, show him what your expectations are calmly and proactively.
This might be something little like cleaning the dishes or mopping the floor. After all, husbands are not mind readers! He might not know what you expect of him, so it’s important to make this clear.
The Bottom Line
Marriage is a lifelong commitment, and something both parties should take seriously. However, if you dislike or hate your husband at some point in your marriage, that’s not strange at all.
In fact, it’s perfectly normal. Though it can be worrying, you can do things such as remaining positive, openly communicating, attending marriage counseling, adding date nights, working on yourself, and much more to improve your marriage.
To like your husband again, it’s not an easy process, but it can be done through trial and error. If you have tried for long and still feel there’s no hope, it might be time to walk away.
However, we recommend reflecting on the specials vows you made on that day and doing everything in your power to preserve your marriage and see if there will be a change to your feelings.
For more ideas, you can also read 19 ways on how to rekindle the spark in your marriage.