The first few months might have seemed like an endless honeymoon of romance, but after years of marriage the magic gradually fades away – and you might start to resent your spouse. But that doesn’t mean it’s time for a divorce!
There are some people who believe it isn’t possible to keep a long-term marriage exciting, but that simply isn’t true! In fact, there are so many ways to add some spark to your relationship again. Read on to learn 19 ways to do just that!
1. Take turns planning date nights.
One week you plan a romantic dinner together, and then the next week your spouse plans for you to go kayaking. After so many years of marriage, this will feel like something new!
Take turns planning date nights for each other every few weeks or months. Most people don’t have time to spend every hour with their partner anymore, but if you plan it right, you can have enough time for activities.
Taking turns means sharing the responsibility. It’ll make the two of you believe that you both want the same thing, rather than just one person doing all of the work.
It doesn’t have to be an expensive every-night thing, but make sure there is some type of regular event where just the two of you get out and enjoy each other’s company. This will go a long way in renewing the connection between partners – which becomes so important when children are in the picture!
2. Don’t neglect self-care.
We all want to be happy and healthy in our marriages, but too often we neglect ourselves. Make sure to take some time for yourself! It doesn’t have to be a lot of time – just enough so that you’re feeling refreshed when it’s your turn to plan a date night with your spouse again.
If you’re not sure what kind of self-care would work best for you, try some online searches or ask friends. You might also consider reading books that have helpful tips on how women can prioritize themselves first.
3. Do more things together.
Include your partner in your favorite activities, which will give them a chance to see you at your happiest.
Invite him or her to take a walk with you, spend time together on the couch watching TV, take dance classes, try new activities like cooking lessons or pottery painting – whatever works for both of you!
4. Connect with your spouse.
This doesn’t mean that you need to have a deep conversation about your day, but take the time to do something together, if even for just for a few minutes minutes – like taking out the garbage or going on a walk around the block. Keep in mind this can be done at any point during the day!
Deep conversations are great too! Ask yourself honestly: when was the last time you had a deep chat? We’re constantly changing, and getting to know your spouse is the foundation to a life-long relationship. How can you have excitement in your marriage if you hardly know who they’ve become?
5. Take a break from technology.
It is so easy to get distracted by work emails and social media feeds while sitting at home. Leave your phone off when you’re together and try not checking it every five minutes for fear of missing something important.
Keep computers and other devices away from where you sleep, as they emit blue light – which disrupts sleep patterns of adults and children alike!
In an age where we’re surrounded by technology at every turn, it can be wise to sit back from time-to-time and enjoy being unplugged together.
6. Host a dinner party.
Hosting a dinner party is one of the best ways to get some quality time with your spouse. You can put on something nice and prepare an amazing meal for them.
Sit down together for a one-on-one dinner party, and reconnect with your past love in a way that isn’t possible when there are kids around.
To really increase the excitement, invite your friends for a dinner party. Inviting other people to your home is a great way to add more excitement and fun to your marriage.
7. Go out for dinner and drinks.
It’s so easy to get stuck in a routine of wearing the same thing day after day, and doing the same things every night. Don’t let your marriage become mundane!
Put some effort into getting dressed up at least one night per week, grab dinner or drinks somewhere special, and have fun being somewhere else for a while with your partner.
8. Take up a new hobby.
Now that you’re married, it’s time to give yourself some space and do something for just you! Take up a new hobby or find the one thing that your spouse doesn’t really like doing.
This way, each of you will feel more fulfilled with what you’re accomplishing in life while still feeling close enough to enjoy quality time together. Hobbies could include learning how to paint, dance, make crafts, or even starting your own side hustle.
9. Take a walk outside.
A little fresh air and sunshine never hurt, so get out there! This will help you both feel energized to tackle the day’s work head-on. Plus, it’s fun to just explore your neighborhood or other nearby areas after not having seen them for a while.
You may even want to be adventurous by going on a hike. Whether you go for a hike down a local trail or go on a week-long camping trip, getting outside can be just what you need to refresh.
10. Mix up the chores.
When we get into a routine with our partner, it can be easy for one person to do all of the housework while another does everything else around the home – but don’t let that happen! Mix things up every once in a while by taking turns doing laundry together or cooking dinner instead of always splitting duties as they’re normally divided.
11. Eat together more often.
One way to feel closer is by sitting down to eat meals as husband and wife – and not across from each other while working on separate projects. This could also mean cooking dinner together instead of going through take-out menus separately before deciding what everyone wants.
12. Go on a picnic.
Pack a lunch and go for a nice walk or hike in the woods. Find an area near your home that you haven’t explored together yet, find something fun to do while there, like a scavenger hunt or looking for different animals, then make dinner together when you get back.
13. Take time off of work.
It’s important to take some time to reconnect with each other. If you have some vacation time available, try taking a couple of days off so that you can spend time connecting with your spouse.
14. Talk about your fantasies.
If you’ve never done this before, it might feel a bit awkward at first – but starting that conversation has been shown to lead to frequent and more satisfying sex!
If there’s something that has always turned you on, make sure to tell your partner about it. This can include wearing outfits, talking in a certain way, or a unique method of physical contact.
15. Take a class together.
If you or your spouse are interested in taking up a new hobby, enroll together! Take dance lessons, go camping or fishing, take or teach cooking classes – and anything that will help break the monotony of daily life.
It sounds simple, but planning activities together as opposed to doing everything separately when time permits can be really meaningful.
16. Make new memories.
The old memories can only last so long before they become yesterday’s news. The secret is in making new memories together.
Go on vacations where each family member gets their own room, make handprints using paint and turning it into a mural, capture “moments” by taking pictures to remember them with. These are some ideas that can be creative but don’t cost much money!
You can also make new memories in a place you went to previously or that is meaningful. Many couples go back to where they had their honeymoon, which reignites old flames.
17. Be spontaneous.
If you’re feeling tired of the same old thing every night, try something new. A really spontaneous thing to try might be having a quickie in a public place!
It’s better than never trying anything different. Life often throws us curveballs when we least expect it anyway. Plus all these years together means there should be plenty more time with each other still – so enjoy some spontaneity! Don’t be afraid to try new things.
18. Experiment with different positions.
Mix it up a little bit and try new positions to do the deed – not just in bed, but in different areas around the house! There are so many fun things you can do while still wearing clothes as well that you would never have imagined existed. You’re married now, enjoy yourselves however feels right at any given time together.
Ditch what you’ve been doing, and try out some new things. It can be as simple as buying a few sexy outfits or dressing up his favorite toy with different fabrics and textures and explaining to him how they make you feel, or vice versa. The key is finding something new that both of you are willing to explore together.
19. Have sex out of love, instead of obligation.
It’s not uncommon for one spouse to feel obligated to get intimate, while not really wanting their partner anymore. However, this is extremely toxic, and something you should avoid.
If you’re having sex every day, try taking a break and save sex for special occasions. This will keep it more exciting and make it feel like less of a nightly “chore”.
The Bottom Line
It’s not easy to find the time, but it’s really important to put in the extra work and it’s well worth it! Put some effort into reconnecting, and keep your marriage always fresh and exciting.
Whether that means getting dressed up once a week or cooking together more often, there’s something for everyone. Put in some work with each other instead of letting life get busy and mundane by planning date nights, going out without the kids, or wearing new outfits every day.