Trust is one of the most important aspects in a relationship, but it can come with many nuances as well. Some women feel like they can never trust their boyfriend, while others are too clingy and insecure to truly trust anyone. Many have been cheated on in the past and just always expect the worst.
Are you constantly looking over your shoulder? Do you expect him to wake up one day and leave you for someone else? Do you tell him that you trust him, but know deep down that you’re lying to him, and to yourself?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, you need to do some serious work to learn to trust him, or you’ll ruin the relationship entirely. Lack of trust leads to arguments, jealousy, insecurity, and lies – which is not a good place to be in a loving relationship.
Here are 10 tips that’ll help you learn how to trust your boyfriend more in a relationship:
1. Set him free.
What’s your worst fear in the relationship?
- That he’ll end up cheating on you?
- That he’ll meet he likes more than you and dump you?
- That he’s with you, but his heart isn’t in it?
- That he doesn’t mean it when he says he loves you?
Whatever your worst fear is, you need to come to terms with it. Identify what it is, and find a way to deal with it in the best way possible. No matter which one is your biggest fear, it’s preventing you from being truly happy with him.
Just let him loose then! What’s the worst that could happen – your fear becomes reality? Well, it’s already a reality if you can’t stop thinking about it and imagining it happening.
Let him go out with his mates and party hard. Don’t say a word when he plans a lads’ holiday abroad. Don’t ask who he met in the club the other night or who his new Facebook female friend is. Simply embrace the fact that he’s free to do whatever he likes, and you worrying about it will just ruin your entire relationship.
Set him free – and if he comes back, you know he’s yours. Give him the personal time and space that you know he needs, and trust that he won’t betray you when he’s out without you. You’ll become more confident and trusting in the long run, and will be irresistible to him.
2. Don’t spy on him.
Whether you keep calling him when he’s out or you’re all over his social media accounts, it’s unhealthy – and you know it! He’s with you for a reason, and if you don’t know that reason, nothing he says or does will be enough for you.
Let him have a life outside of the relationship. He doesn’t need to share his location with you, and you don’t need to know his phone password either. Don’t be one of those girls who just can’t let it go.
Invading his privacy will only cause resentment. Nobody wants to feel like they aren’t trusted, or that they have to keep proving themselves.
3. Don’t let your past get in the way.
Sometimes, when we’ve been hurt in the past, it feels like all future relationships will have the same fate. Don’t let your past determine your present, or affect how much you trust your boyfriend. If you know you’ve got trust issues, open up to him and reveal what bothers you the most.
He might have some solutions and ways to reassure you. Love conquers all! Just because you’ve been hurt in the past doesn’t mean that he will hurt you. Don’t compare your boyfriend to your ex – he isn’t him!
4. Don’t take him for granted.
Building trust is a daily commitment and it works both ways. It isn’t just about what you want and need from him – he needs to be able to trust you too.
Be consistent, and keep your word. Whatever you do, don’t take him for granted. He doesn’t need to keep trying to win your love day in and day out, just because you don’t trust him. If he’s always there, and has built tat consistency with you, then he should be trusted!
5. Always assume good intentions.
One of the most effective ways to build trust with anyone really is to assume good intentions from the start. Give him the benefit of the doubt. Don’t go into the relationship expecting the worst from him, looking over your shoulder, and questioning his intentions all the time.
Go into the relationship with the notion that he’s got good intentions, he’s honest in his affections, and he isn’t in it to break your heart or to disappoint you. People make mistakes, learn to forgive them, and see the best in them.
6. Listen to his side of the story.
In order to build trust and not just assume that he’s trying to hurt you, you need to walk in his shoes. Understand how he sees a certain situation and how he feels. There are two of you in the relationship!
What about situations where there’s a reason for mistrust?
The above tips are fairly straightforward ways to learn to trust your boyfriend, but every situation is unique. In some relationships, building and maintaining trust wouldn’t be as easy as one, two, three.
He Cheated on You
If your boyfriend cheated on you, then rebuilding trust might be the hardest thing you’ll ever have to do. He swears she meant nothing to him – it was just that one time – but you can’t stop picturing them together, and feeling humiliated. At first you’ll be raw with emotion and perhaps really angry, but that’s okay! Embrace the emotion and be honest about how you feel.
The only way to trust your boyfriend again is simply to choose to forgive him for his mistake and move on. That means not reminding him all the time about what he did – and it means you believe in him and trust that the two of you can get to a good place again.
You’re in a Long Distance Relationship
Finding ways to trust your long-distance boyfriend is essential if you want the relationship to last. Being away from the person you love can feel daunting, frustrating, unfair, and really hard – but a lot of long-distance relationships end up with the couple being happy together and even married. Learn to trust your boyfriend and the fact that if he didn’t love you, he wouldn’t choose to have this tough relationship with you.
The Bottom Line
Build trust with him by spending a lot of time talking, sharing thoughts and feeling and especially planning for the future together. The best way to build trust is simply to be around one another, as much as humanly possible.
Trust is about feeling emotionally and psychologically safe with someone else. It’s the strongest foundation of any relationship. Being open, honest, and vulnerable can feel risky, but is hugely rewarding when it pays off.
Ask yourself some big questions when it comes to trusting your boyfriend or the trust issues you are having, including:
- Is your fear of abandonment clouding your true perspective?
- What is the story you’re telling yourself?
- Are you overreacting to things he says and does?
- Is he doing something to trigger your mistrust or is it more about something that’s happened in the past?
- Are you allowing yourself to be vulnerable?
- Has he betrayed your trust too many times for you to be able to ever trust him again?
By being honest with yourself and truly digging deep into your trust issues you’ll give yourself the chance to grow stronger and better.