Breakups are difficult – but it could be even harder to know where you stand with that person after the fact.
You might be wondering:
Do I completely block them out of my life?
Do I talk to them after so many months?
Should I remain friends with them?
The last question is often something we all strive for if the relationship ended on good terms. You can be friends with an ex – especially if your ex-boyfriend wants to be friends.
If he wants to stay friends, it’s often a good sign. There are many reasons why this is a good thing – so keep reading to find out
1. You know each other’s secrets.
Let’s not think about your heartbreak for a moment. Think about all the good times you’ve spent with your ex, where you felt loved. At some point, he probably was the closest person to you in life, right?
The same applies to him too. When we trust one another, we often share and confess everything about ourselves. We share when we’re scared, in trouble, or have a worry that’s arisen in life.
Through the difficult times, you’ve probably given each other guidance and tried to figure out solutions to each other’s problems. You two were a team!
Just because you’ve broken up doesn’t mean you can’t still be that team. After all, he knows you really well and still wants to support you somehow outside of the relationship. You can’t remove feelings, compassion, or support overnight.
2. It could be easier to get over him.
Breakups are the worst. You might feel like you’ve lost direction in your life, and it takes every ounce of focus to live some sort of normality. What’s even worse, is the feeling of loss – in a way, your body is actually grieving over someone.
If he wants to stay friends, it’s a good sign because you don’t have to go through any of the burden, pain, or heartache of losing that person completely.
You can still communicate your problems, struggles and form a friendly relationship. But, if he does want this, make sure to keep to your boundaries and treat each other like a friend.
This means only seeing each other so many times a month, going out in the company of other people, not staying over at each other’s house, and more. If you don’t establish rules and treat each other like friends, things could get messy!
3. He could be wanting to reignite the relationship.
Feelings don’t just disappear overnight. How did you end the relationship? Was it over something petty? Either way, you were together for some time, and love takes some time to heal from.
Your ex might be mindful of this and wanting to explore a safe space before getting back together – which is being friends – in hopes of getting you back.
He might be wanting to do everything he can to gain your trust before he says he wants to get back together.
If you’re not on the same ground as him, we suggest speaking to him and asking him why he wants to be friends. Or, check out 19 Signs Your Ex Wants to Get Back Together to see if this might be the case.
4. You’ve moved on with your life.
Was your breakup recent or did it happen years ago? If it happened a long ways back, then you might have well moved on – and he may have moved on too with his life.
Maybe you’ve both settled down with partners, kids, a house, and even accomplished many of life’s great milestones since then.
The point is, if you’ve both moved on with your lives, then you’re probably in a good position to be friends. There are no hard feelings left – and after all, it’s a lot of energy to hold a grudge, right?
5. You’re both more emotionally mature.
Life is more than just childish games. Sometimes in relationships and afterward, couples tend to point fingers at each other and do stupid things to get revenge.
If he wants to be friends with you, it probably means you’re both stable enough in your emotions and can think rationally, which is a good sign! It’s better to have him in your life in some way than nothing at all.
6. Your friends don’t have to pick between the two of you.
There’s nothing worse than being in a relationship for a long time and then breaking up, especially when you have mutual friends. Not only do you feel hurt and confused, but your friends suffer too.
When a breakup occurs, friends can struggle to decide which one of you to talk to, support, and hang out with. It’s a question of loyalty, and sometimes true colors can come out. Friendships may fall apart when they don’t want to get involved in your drama.
But, when you and your ex remain friends, it’s actually easier for the friends around you. You can still go out for group dinners, movies, drinks, or anything else without your friends feeling awkward.
You can still maintain a great social life and not have any tension with your peers. Plus, you won’t be deliberately excluded from any upcoming parties or events they hold!
7. You won’t feel like you’ve wasted your life.
We get it, life is short – and you have to make every moment count. There’s nothing worse than ending a relationship after a long time and feel like it was all for nothing. How long has it been? 3 months, 1 year, 5 years… maybe even 10?
It could be even longer – but no matter how much time you’ve spent together, it can easily feel like it wasn’t worthwhile. Maybe you could’ve spent it with someone else, focusing hard on your studies, career, or even your family.
This feeling can often weigh you down and make you feel a ton of regret inside. If your ex boyfriend wants to be friends, this is actually a positive step. You won’t feel like you’ve wasted your time and effort in a dead-end relationship.
You’ll also start to see the positives and all the great points from your relationship and learn from them, because you’ll be on amicable terms. You’ll also probably feel more grateful knowing you can bring what you’ve learned into other areas of your life, as a result.
8. You can focus your attention elsewhere.
If your boyfriend didn’t want to be with you and cut off contact, it could potentially be very draining. You might find yourself spending hours stalking his social media, looking at his likes, and worst of all, reading old messages. It can be extremely hard to move on.
On the other hand, if your ex wants to be friends, you don’t need to go through any of that. You don’t need to spend your energy worrying about what he’s up to or doing with his life.
He’ll be there as a friend and it’ll be easy to communicate when you need him. Similarly, you may not feel as much animosity about going through old photos and messages.
9. You’re not hung up about the past.
When our relationships end, we can spend a lot of our time dwelling on the “what-ifs”. What if I did this differently? What if he met someone else? What if I helped him more? No matter how hard you try, you can’t change the past.
The past is the past, and it should stay there. If you’re hung up about the past, it can consume you, and dictate your present and future.
Instead, if you’re someone who has accepted that it’s ended and that nothing could have been done, it’s a mature thing. If you’re focusing on bettering yourself and improving your future, this is very likely a huge reason your ex wants to become friends.
10. There are too many cherished memories and inside jokes.
Let’s not forget that you once had a special bond with this person. There may have been many moments in your relationship where you’ve doubled over in fits of laughter.
Think about all of those inside jokes you might have once shared and funny experiences you’ve had together. Sometimes, they’re just too good to be forgotten about.
This is one reason why he probably doesn’t want to let you out of his life just yet, and wants to be friends.
The Bottom Line
If you’re still unsure about being friends but have feelings for him, it’s important to learn why you still love him, even if he hurt you. Here are 20 More Reasons Why You Still Love Him, which might give you an insight to the pain you’re still holding.
It’s also a good idea to Get Over Him As Quickly As Possible, and figure out whether you want to be friends with him or not.