Although most couples will never confess to it, there’s a good possibility that someone you know is quietly suffering from the pain of a husband or boyfriend who refuses to have sex with them.
According to statistics, approximately 15% of all marriages experience a lifeless bedroom scene at some point, and terrible or sporadic sex is well known to be a primary cause of failed relationships.
So, if there’s no action going on in your bedroom, find comfort in the fact that you’re not alone – and read on for some reasons why it may have stopped.
1. He isn’t ready.
If you’ve only been dating him for a couple of weeks, there are probably many things you don’t know about him. You’ve probably only been to second base with him, and you really don’t know if he’s actually done it before you.
If his unpreparedness seems to be the case, you can ask him gently to ease into a physical relationship with you. Of course, if you can’t wait, then it’s time to bid this boy goodbye.
2. He’s tense.
We know movies and TV shows have taught us that men are broody, macho beings who are born good at sex and can do it any day and at any time. However, the reality is often much different.
Your boyfriend might not be sleeping with you because he is inexperienced – and doesn’t know how to initiate sex, whether sex is on the table or not, or how to please you.
Most men find it hard to meet girls’ expectations in the bedroom because they don’t know enough about sex to meet them. If you think this is the case with your guy, here’s 10 Signs a Guy Has Never Had a Girlfriend and What it Means.
3. He isn’t ready to get serious yet.
This reason is a tad less positive, but it is just as possible. There could be a possibility that this guy was dating you only for sex. When he found that sleeping with you might mean becoming more than just “friends with benefits”, he got spooked.
Now, he isn’t touching you because he’s afraid you’ll ask him for commitment.
4. He enjoys the thrill of the chase.
If we had a penny for every single guy who gave a girl mixed signals because he was unsure himself, we’d be millionaires!
Let’s face it; some guys are only in a relationship until there is some curiosity. He enjoys seeing you worry whether you’re attractive or not every single time he declines your invitation for sex. He wants to see you ask for it explicitly, or maybe he just enjoys leading you on.
Either way, he should be the one chasing you – not the other way around!
5. He isn’t in a good mood.
Sometimes a guy is just not in the mood for sex, and it has nothing to do with you. It’s quite possible that he just has a lot on his mind. These 13 Ways to Help Your Partner Open Up might help figure out what’s going on; he might just need a listening ear, and sex could be the last thing on his mind.
6. He’s cheating on you.
Of course, the saddest possibility out of all of them is that he is cheating on you. He isn’t sleeping with you because he already gets what he wants out of his side chick.
Maybe you haven’t made your relationship exclusive, or maybe he’s just a bad person. Whatever the reason, it seems like he doesn’t want you anymore. These 21 Signs Your Boyfriend May Be Cheating on You might help you figure out if this is the reason why he isn’t sleeping with you.
7. He’s a serial masturbator.
We know, we know. It’s disgusting – but that doesn’t mean it can’t be true. Your boyfriend might be watching a new show or playing a new video game, and there might be a fictional girl who has piqued his fancy. So, he’s jacking off to her so much that he has nothing left for you, while you’re left asking him politely why he is so spent all the time.
8. He’s withholding to “teach you a lesson”.
Was there a time in your relationship where you decided to block off all physical contact because you weren’t ready or just didn’t want to? Now, he sees you itching to have sex with him – and uses this opportunity to withhold sex from you and make you seem like a desperate, crazy person.
9. He wants to take things slow.
Yes, yes, these kinds of men exist too. Many men find it hard to sleep with someone if they don’t see a future with that person. Some people only have sex when their relationship is “official” or exclusive, while others only have sex when they’re married.
It’s sometimes more about the emotional attachment than the labels in a relationship. In other words, they may only want to have sex with someone they have an emotional connection with or are in love with.
10. He’s waiting for the right time.
When it comes to having sex for the first time with a new partner, people often have specific ideas about how they want their sexual encounters to go.
There’s a good possibility that your guy wants to have sex with you but is putting it off until a particularly exciting, romantic, or passionate moment arises. If you’re both attracted to each other in other ways, sex could be on the way.
11. He has no idea you want to have sex with him.
Some people aren’t very good at detecting when someone wants to have sex with them. If a man is unsure whether his partner wants sex, he may avoid initiating it out of fear of making them uneasy.
Alternatively, he might not have sex on his mind because he doesn’t realize you’re thinking about him in that way—and if he did, he might be willing to rise (pun intended) to the occasion.
12. He’s ill.
A genuine reason why he isn’t sleeping with you – especially if he was all over you a couple of weeks ago – could be that he isn’t feeling his best self. He might be sick and taking some bed rest. Worse yet, he might be needing your help to recover.
Maybe you’ve been so preoccupied with the idea of being with him that you didn’t notice his cough or that he looks feverish.
13. He’s depressed.
A tough job, financial issues, low self-esteem, and many other factors could contribute to someone’s depression.
When a person is depressed, he may lack the energy to engage in activities that he enjoys, including sex. He probably won’t enjoy sex because he isn’t feeling well.
If this is the case, you should make every effort to assist him. Check out How to Take Care of a Sad Person in 33 Easy Steps for some helpful tips.
14. He’s not a particularly sexual individual.
Some people, including men, are simply uninterested in having sex. He could be asexual, or simply doesn’t get turned on easily and doesn’t think about sex very often. Of course, there’s nothing wrong with that. It’s just that it means he’s probably not sleeping with you anytime soon.
If you think he doesn’t get turned on easily, there are ways to improve your sex life! Try spicing things up a bit. Here are some risque ideas that might turn him on:
- Having a quickie in a public place
- Exercising naked
- Dressing your male partner as a woman
- Looking for more ways to please each other
- Trying an adult nursing relationship
15. He’s lost interest in you.
This might be one of the most hurtful reasons why someone stops sleeping with you. There are a lot of men who see women as conquests and lose interest in them the minute they sleep with them. These kinds of men are not worthy of a relationship.
If that’s the case, it could mean that you should talk to him and be prepared for the worst-case scenario. Whatever his issue is, it should be out in the open so he can stop wasting your time.
16. You’ve let yourself go.
Just because you’re in a relationship doesn’t mean you should neglect your wellbeing. To keep that momentum going, it’s important to work on yourself; if you don’t, your partner may lose focus of the person they fell in love with.
This could be one of the reasons why he doesn’t want to sleep with you anymore. Here are some ways to improve:
- 17 Best Ways to Build Your Self-Esteem and Stay Positive
- 10 Best Ways to Make Him Desperately Crave You
- 6 Tips on Dressing to Impress: Best Clothing for Every Body Type
17. He was using you and wasn’t really interested in you.
This reason may seem a tad too dramatic, but it can be true. Many men only sleep with women – especially those older than they are – because they see a price tag attached to it.
This is the modern-day way to be with someone you think you’re too good for. Your boyfriend probably feels like you don’t deserve him and is looking for amenities in exchange for sex.
18. He’s holding a grudge against something you did.
Many women lose interest in sex with their partners because they begin to resent them for not doing chores, showering with affection or gifts, amongst other things. Men can be affected in the same way.
In either case, if resentment is present, a relationship may be doomed from the start.
19. He has a hormone imbalance.
Hormone issues can affect both men and women. A plunge in testosterone in men often results in them losing interest in having sex, becoming irritable, and losing strength. As a result, this man will have no libido and won’t feel like having sex – no matter how sexy you make the mood. His sex drive was killed by low male hormone levels.
20. He’s hiding something.
Sex is a personal experience, so if he’s avoiding it, he may be afraid you’ll notice something’s wrong with him. Many men face issues with performance in the bedroom and this can be one of their biggest insecurities.
He might not be ready to discuss it. It might not even be anything serious; he just needs some time to analyze it on his own before approaching you about it.
21. He wants to break up with you.
Consider how your relationship has progressed in recent months:
- Would you say that you and your partner are mostly happy together?
- Do you still feel comfortable laughing and having a good time together?
- Have things gotten tense?
- Do you avoid each other or fight too frequently?
If both of you are unhappy with the relationship, it means that your boyfriend isn’t withholding sex – he’s just not into you anymore.
22. He requires a greater level of emotional connection.
Women aren’t the only ones in a relationship who want to feel emotionally connected. Some people need a strong bond in order to progress to sex.
This might be a man who enjoys foreplay and the buildup of sexual tension. If that is the case, then you start with making him feel like the hottest guy in the world and up the ante of the make-out sessions you have.
23. He isn’t straight.
We know what you might be thinking. If he isn’t straight, why is he dating me?
The answer is simple: he doesn’t know he’s gay yet or doesn’t know how to come out.
While many people realize they play for the other team perhaps the minute they’re born, others might be a little slow to come to that realization. There could be a strong possibility that he does not want to sleep with you because of your gender.
24. He’s bored.
This might be one of the hilarious reasons why your boyfriend doesn’t want to sleep with you, but it’s true. Relationships can get boring after a while, and that boredom can penetrate the bedroom.
There is a good chance he wants to spice things up in the bedroom with a new position or cosplay or some sort, but you aren’t into it. This likely has turned him off. When a man feels like he isn’t being stimulated enough, he gradually stops liking that person altogether.
25. He has performance anxiety.
Maybe your guy really wants to have sex with you but is anxious about it – which could be because he’s afraid you’ll make fun of him, think that he isn’t great in bed, and tell all your friends about it.
If you think your guy’s nerves are getting the best of him, simply tell him that you like him and would like to have intimate relations with him. Reassure him that he doesn’t have to worry about having sex; he just has to have fun.
The Bottom Line
The man who was all over you all the time now seems like he’s over you. He isn’t touching you, kissing you, or initiating sex. Even when he does have sex with you, the heat in the bedroom is mild.
It’s hard to understand the cause of this because everything else seems fine. The conversation is good, and he seems to be enjoying the other aspects of the relationship.
The above 25 reasons could be why your partner is just not that into you anymore. The best solution to this dry spell is to ask him what it’s all about and hopefully get to the bottom of it.