If you’re looking for Mr. Right, you might be trying to determine what your specific “type” is. In your search, you might come across guys who have, surprisingly, never had a girlfriend before. This might make you think about the movie The 40-year-old Virgin, starring Steve Carell as a middle-aged man who had never had sex before.
While having sex and having a girlfriend are two different things, most men who have had a “real” girlfriend in the past have had sex before. On the other hand, just because a man has never had a girlfriend doesn’t mean he’s a virgin like Steve Carell’s character. You might find yourself wondering if a guy who has never had a girlfriend before is even dating material at all.
Does a guy who has never been in a serious relationship even know how to have a relationship? Will dating a guy like this be a mistake? These are some questions that you may ask yourself before agreeing to date a guy who has never been in a serious relationship before.
Just because a guy has never had a girlfriend before doesn’t mean dating him would be a mistake. Dating any guy means you’re taking a chance on having your heart broken, or simply having the relationship fail. Things would be no different with a guy who has never been in a committed relationship before.
There are many reasons why a man may have never been in a committed relationship before, and the cause needs to be learned before you wrongly pass up a possible relationship with a super-great guy just because he’s never had a girlfriend before. Here is an overview of 7 reasons why some guys may have never had a girlfriend.
Reason #1 – Extreme shyness
Believe it or not, some guys suffer from extreme shyness, which may be a reason why they have never had a girlfriend before. These guys often suffer from low self-esteem and are afraid of being rejected by someone they really care about.
Sure, extremely shy guys have feelings and a desire to have a girlfriend, but they are petrified of asking a girl out. They may have come close to asking out women in the past, and they may have even been on a few dates before, but their immense shyness may have been a turn-off to their dates or kept them from pursuing them further.
Some women don’t understand extremely shy guys, so they might misinterpret his shyness and simply believe that the guy isn’t interested. This is unfortunate because the shy guy may be very interested but lacks the nerve to make it known.
Reason #2 – He hasn’t met the right person
Some guys are quite picky when it comes to being in a relationship with someone. Some will casually date women that they simply fail to share chemistry with, causing them to move on to the next possibility.
Being picky isn’t necessarily a bad thing, and a guy who has never been in a relationship with a woman before may simply be searching for the woman that they consider to be “the one.” Most men who are searching for that special someone always believe that they will know immediately when they meet Miss Right.
Guys who have never had a girlfriend before because they are looking for the right girl may be one of the best catches ever. It could mean that he refuses to settle and that he’s waiting for his queen to spoil, yet he simply hasn’t found anyone worthy yet. You never know – you could be the very “queen” he’s been waiting for.
Reason #3 – He is afraid of commitment
Perhaps he’s seen someone close to him have their heart broken in the past, or he simply hasn’t felt prepared for a relationship. Regardless of the reason, some men are simply afraid of commitment. This fact could have nothing to do with a fear of heartbreak and could stem from another reason.
Having an exclusive relationship with a woman requires a man to be mature enough to feel ready. Some men aren’t prepared to make this type of commitment until much later in life – not every guy will have a high school sweetheart. This type of man requires more time than most consider normal to settle down.
Some men love the freedom of dating different women, mostly for sex, without any type of commitment. They don’t want to feel as if they’re tied down and controlled by a woman. Of course, all women don’t “control” their men, but some guys wrongly believe this is true.
You can rest assured that if the guy you’re interested in has never had a girlfriend because he wasn’t ready to make a commitment, he may get there eventually – and it might be with you.
Reason #4 – He’s too socially awkward
Not every guy is articulate, cool, calm, and collected. In fact, some are the exact opposite, and this often has nothing to do with shyness. Socially awkward men simply lack the “normal” social skills necessary to successfully interact with others, especially those of the opposite sex.
Socially awkward guys can seem totally normal until you really sit down with one and attempt to have an in-depth conversation. The socially awkward guy may respond inappropriately during a conversation, or simply behave in a weird, awkward manner, which, for most women, is a turnoff. This may be why a socially awkward guy may have never had a girlfriend – he just can’t get past the first date.
If a guy is aware of his awkwardness and how it makes others feel uncomfortable, he can learn to become more socially appropriate. If you meet a great guy who is gorgeous and smart, but he’s never had a girlfriend before due to his social awkwardness, you might want to give him a chance if you feel he has potential.
Even Steven Urkel was able to get a girlfriend to love him, so don’t let social awkwardness scare you away. You might just see that his social awkwardness goes away, and he becomes a social butterfly due to your friendship. Some socially awkward people simply need more exposure to social situations so they can learn how to respond, how to behave, and how to recognize normal social cues.
Reason #5 – He has a negative attitude
Have you ever been in a good mood around a negative person had their bad mood rub off on you? It can be very difficult to be around a person who’s negative all the time, as often it affects those around them.
Some people are more negative than others, and if a guy has been through many unfortunate situations, such as the loss of loved ones and experienced other tragedies, his attitude may mirror what he’s feeling. Such a guy can cause women to run in the opposite direction.
If you meet a super-negative guy and you suspect he’s that way because he’s been through a lot, you might want to give him a chance. However, if his negativity keeps wearing on you, it’s simply not worth it and you may need to move on. Life is too short to struggle with an unhappy guy who brings you down.
Reason #6 – He’s too clingy
No woman wants a needy guy who’s always calling, always texting, and always needing attention and reassurance. Dating such a guy will not only be annoying, but it could become quite exhausting, as well. Unfortunately, some men come off as super-needy even before a relationship develops, which could certainly be the reason they’ve never been in a relationship before.
If you meet an interesting guy that starts off being too clingy, controlling and possessive, you may have to call it quits, and fast. While you could try talking to him and asking him to back off, if he has a track record for coming off as too needy and making women run in the opposite direction, chances are that simply being asked to back off will not be effective.
Reason #7 – Relationships haven’t been a priority
Perhaps a guy has been a star athlete and completely dedicated to his studies in high school and college and now he’s a workaholic. There could be several different scenarios that have caused a guy to feel that having a girlfriend isn’t a priority.
It doesn’t mean he’s gay or isn’t interested in women, but it simply means that other things have been more important to him. However, when a guy like this meets the right woman, chances are his priorities will change.
As you can see, different men have gone without a relationship for different reasons. Each one has unique goals and experiences. If you meet a guy who has never had a girlfriend before, don’t automatically judge him and believe he’s a weirdo or not dating material. Give him a chance, as you never know what could come of it.
Frequently Asked Questions
Dating and relationships can be challenging, especially when it involves a person who is “out of the norm” by society’s standards. Here are the answers to some frequently asked questions that women may have about guys who have never had girlfriends before.
How can I get an extremely shy guy to ask me out?
If you’re waiting for a super-shy guy to ask you out on a date, you could be waiting for a long time. Why don’t you befriend him first, instead of expecting him to ask you out? Simply engage him in conversation on a regular basis and find out what things you two may have in common.
As he gets to know you and feels comfortable around you, he may eventually ask you out – if he’s interested. If he fails to ask you out after you two have gotten to know each other as friends, why don’t you ask him out? There is no law that says a woman can’t ask out a man. Besides, it’s not 1970! Women ask out men all the time.
Is a guy who has never had a girlfriend good dating material? Or should I steer clear of a guy like that who seems interested in me?
A guy who has never had a girlfriend may very well be excellent dating material. You never know if you don’t at least give him a chance. Many guys are just late bloomers, and it doesn’t mean that they can’t learn quickly in a relationship.
So, if you have an opportunity to date a guy who has never had a relationship before, you should go out with him, and if you like him, continue the relationship. However, if you don’t click, at least you’ll know you gave him a chance.
How do I teach a guy who’s never had a girlfriend how to be in a relationship?
It may not be necessary to “teach” a guy how to be in a relationship, for most people, it simply comes naturally. Just because he’s never had a girlfriend before doesn’t mean he doesn’t know how to treat a woman or make her happy.
Give him a chance, and if he fails to behave in the manner that you expect and it’s bothering you, talk to him. Chances are he’d be willing to do whatever is necessary to ensure you’re happy and fulfilled.
Is a guy who has never had a girlfriend before less likely to cheat when he does get a girlfriend?
A guy who gets a girlfriend later in life isn’t any less likely to cheat than any other man. Men are men, and if they are going to cheat, it doesn’t matter how many girlfriends they have or haven’t had in the past. Don’t start a relationship with a guy who has never had a girlfriend in the past for this reason because you could end up being disappointed if he does end up eventually cheating.