Dreaming about your ex, especially if you’re totally over him, can be a nuisance. After all, who wants to see the face of the person who broke their heart in their dreams?
It’s inconvenient. You’ve spent all this time getting over him – the tears, the curses, the Taylor Swift. Now that you’re finally getting past him and removing his presence from your life, he’s back in it again!
And it’s not just the fact that he appears in your dreams, it’s the fact that you spend the better half of your day thinking about your stupid dreams, not realizing that he’s back to being the person who’s always on your mind.
If you’re single and dreaming about your ex, you can simply curse him when you wake up. But things can be a little more complicated if you’re sleeping next to your new beau and muttering your ex’s name under your breath.
Imagine how hard it’ll be to explain to your boyfriend why he’s in your bed, but your ex is in your dreams.
However, before you unblock your ex to tell him how miserable he’s making you even after he’s gone, take a step back and analyze things a bit. Why is he making these unwanted guest appearances in your dreams? Getting to the root of this problem can help you gain some insight and may even bring to light facts about your life that you were previously ignoring.
Why you can’t stop dreaming about your ex
1. Your current relationship is on the rocks
Sometimes when people run into problems in their relationships, they start dreaming about how much nicer their life was when they were with their ex. Constantly thinking about your ex may trigger memories of the two of you, which may manifest in your dreams.
However, it isn’t fair to your current partner for you to still think about your ex, no matter how in love with them you were. It’s best if you refocus your attention on what you have with your current significant other and leave the past in the past.
2. Something small reminded you of them
When we are dating someone, we are constantly making memories of our time with them. These memories can include everything from a song to the smell of their perfume or even a restaurant that the two of you frequented.
These seemingly small reminders can trigger a landslide of memories that you had with them.
Even if you don’t want to think about them, your brain somehow wedges them inside your dreams. If that is the case, you shouldn’t worry too much. He will go away on his own.
3. Your self-esteem is low
If you are feeling lonely or frisky lately, it makes sense that you are missing your ex. Of course, the relationship turned toxic, and you deserved to leave it, but that doesn’t mean that the relationship didn’t have its good parts.
Maybe your self-esteem and current dating life are making you pessimistic about the prospect of you ever finding love.
If that is the case, your mind is making you remember the good parts of your relationship and making you think about the times your partner cherished you.
4. You’ve been feeling the same negative emotions you felt when you were with him
Dreaming about a person you have removed from your life can be hard to deal with. Seeing them in your dreams just means that there was a trigger in your life that made you think of them, and now your brain can’t think of anything else.
Think about how you felt when you were with your ex – did he gaslight you, shame you for having insecurities, ignore you, or play games with you? If you have been feeling the same gross feelings you felt when the two of you were together, it may have triggered you to think of him.
Dreaming about an ex is just your mind’s way of reconciling those nasty feelings.
5. You (secretly) miss him
We know that we said that dreams don’t necessarily indicate that you want to get back together with your ex, but truthfully, you can miss them.
When you fall in love with someone, you give them your entire being – your heart, mind, body, and soul. That’s why, when the relationship ends, you don’t know what to do with all the love you harbored in your heart for them.
Your relationship might have ended because they wanted it to, and you may not be over them. Maybe you even miss them. That doesn’t necessarily mean you want them back; it just means that you miss what you had with them.
Plus, if the breakup was amicable, it’s normal to miss their presence in your life.
6. You are healing
Most relationships end on a poor note. There is cheating, crying, shouting matches, and in some terrible instances, physical and mental abuse as well. The couple is usually relieved to end the relationship and move on with their lives, and neither of them receives an apology for the hurt they went through.
So, if you see your ex in your dreams, especially if he is sad or apologetic, take it as a positive sign. A sign that your body is healing and giving you another chance to love again.
Such dreams just mean that you are getting better and emotionally healthy again.
7. You’re finally getting over him
Did you have a dream about you two splitting up? This could be a good thing: you’re severing ties with the part of yourself that your mind automatically links with your past flame.
This is especially true if your ex-partner harmed you. This dream could be a representation of your progress – the process of regaining your freedom and distancing yourself from the part of yourself that was harmed by your ex.
8. You still have unresolved feelings for him
Before you fret too much, understand this: just because you might have unresolved feelings for him doesn’t mean that they are positive or romantic feelings. They might even be negative, repressed feelings because you never got closure for what they did to you.
Your mind still isn’t over what they put you through and is manifesting them in your dreams as a way to purge them from your system.
9. Maybe he reminds you of yourself
There’s a possibility that the presence of your ex in your dream is simply a reflection of yourself. Perhaps it implies you gave up a part of yourself when you broke up and it’s time to reclaim that. Perhaps it indicates that you are ignoring yourself in a certain way.
In any case, it’s helpful to examine your own behavior in the relationship with your ex to see whether you need to make any substantial changes.
10. There is unhealed trauma from your past
Recalling prior pain in your relationship could be the source of your dreams about an ex. According to research, negative emotions and trauma experienced during the day might affect your dreams.
The passing of a spouse or loved one can also cause trauma. Dreaming about a deceased partner can help you cope with grief. A qualified therapist can assist you in deciphering the implications of your dreams and managing your grief and pain.
11. You are unhappy with something else in your life
If you saw your ex in a dream, it could represent something else that is causing you pain. It could indicate that there is something you need to deal with in order to move on. If you know for a fact that something is pulling you down, then it’s time for you to take action to remedy it.
The best way to figure out what the dream is attempting to say to you is to reflect. You most likely already have all of the answers you seek.
12. You recently saw him somewhere
Seeing your ex, whether through social media platforms or at the grocery store, can cause them to appear in your dreams. An ex appearing in your dreams could just be a result of memory consolidation.
According to research, dreams most typically include experiences that occurred one or seven days following the event.
13. You’re afraid that your current relationship will be the same
According to research, components of a relationship might materialize in dreams. For example, if you have been cheated on in a relationship, you are more likely to dream about a cheating partner than someone who has not been cheated on.
These kinds of dreams can happen even after you’ve split up and may suggest a desire for closure with an ex. They may also reflect your anxieties about cheating in a new relationship.
In other circumstances, these types of dreams could represent similarities in your current life.
If you are afraid that your current relationship will end the same way it did with your ex, then it makes sense that you see your ex in your dreams.
14. You are comparing your current relationship with your past relationship
If you dream about your ex when you’re starting a relationship with someone else, you’re probably making the comparison in an attempt to ensure that things work out this time.
If you’re starting a new relationship, your subconscious may start weighing the benefits and drawbacks of your previous one. In this case, your psyche is attempting to secure the success of your new relationship.
How can I interpret dreams about an ex?
Things in our dreams are often coded by our collective unconscious so that they aren’t frightening enough to wake us up. They can, however, supply enough knowledge to assist us in processing the challenging issues we face.
This is true even if your dream isn’t about someone you used to date.
If you’re interested in discovering the meaning of your dreams, consider maintaining a dream journal. Write down what you remember from your dream when you wake up. If you see your ex in your dreams frequently, you will notice trends in the dreams.
Consider jotting down the emotions you experienced in your dreams as well as your reactions to those emotions. These emotions can help you have a better understanding of your dream and determine whether it was about your ex or something else.
You can also discuss your dream encounters with a qualified therapist. They can help you explore the meaning of your dreams and suggest ideas going forward.