Don’t we all wish life can be like a fairytale – and to have our own prince charming who whisks us off our feet?
If you lack romance in your relationship, you could be feeling down – and can easily start comparing your life to someone else’s or to those you’ve seen on the TV – which can set unrealistic expectations for your relationship and can make you feel sadder.
While you might love your boyfriend, you might be panicking – thinking there’s no spark at all – and starting to worry if your relationship will be able to survive in the long run.
Can a relationship last without romance?
The short answer is yes – we do need romance in our relationships, as it makes us feel special and allows us to feel connected after being together for a while.
If you feel like your relationship is lacking the spark and romance it needs, read on to learn why your boyfriend isn’t romantic – and how you can fix it.
1. He doesn’t know how to be romantic.
Perhaps the reason why your boyfriend isn’t romantic is that you’re his first girlfriend. If so, he might be pretty clueless on how to be romantic; the word may not be in his dictionary.
Your boyfriend could also come from a conservative society where there’s no such thing as romanticism. If this is the case, he’s only doing what he’s been conditioned to do all of his life.
Sometimes relationships are about “give and take”. In this situation, you have to be the teacher. As someone who understands romance, show him what it’s like to be romantic and give him gifts.
Your boyfriend isn’t a mind reader, and might not know what you want! In this scenario, communication is key – and you must tell him what you hope to get out of the relationship.
Furthermore, don’t just expect change to happen overnight. This will be a slow and long process – yet it will be rewarding.
2. His love language isn’t the romantic type.
Have you heard of love languages? If not, let us introduce you to the legendary Gary Chapman, who invented the five love languages. Chapman wrote a whole book dedicated to the different types of love languages which are:
- Words of Affirmation: Telling nice things to your each other.
- Acts of Service: Your boyfriend does something nice for you, like cooking you a meal or watering your garden
- Receiving Gifts: From your partner, of course.
- Quality Time: If your boyfriend makes time out of his schedule to be with you for a date night, this is quality time.
- Physical Touch: Your boyfriend is affectionate with you physically, like touching you.
The reality is, you might be feeling that your boyfriend isn’t romantic since your dominant love languages are acts of affirmation and receiving gifts.
Again, if his love language is different, it’s time to educate him on yours. Maybe get him to read the book Gary Chapman wrote or show him how you’d like to feel love.
At the same time, don’t put him down for his love languages! Make sure to acknowledge when he shows you love in his own way and make him feel appreciated. He might be feeling undervalued and appreciated too!
Once you appreciate his efforts, he may be more motivated to learn your love language as well.
3. He’s tired of you complaining.
If you’ve been together for some time, you might have noticed the romance in your relationship has fizzled out a bit. In fact, it could be pretty much non-existent!
The romance might have faded because you’re constantly comparing him and your relationship to other people you know. While you might think this is productive, you’re actually degrading him and impacting his self-esteem. As a result, he’s given up trying on the romantic side and has retreated inwards.
Men hate their egos being bashed – and it can be a significant sign of disrespect! In these circumstances, you should never compare your relationship to anyone else’s. After all, everyone is different – and your relationship is strictly between you guys.
If you keep complaining and making comparisons, it’s such an insult. Instead of draining him even more, start complimenting him more and comparing less. Show appreciation for the small things he does and don’t talk about other people involved. Simply like him for being him!
Check out 15 Signs Your Boyfriend is Amazing: Don’t Take Him For Granted! for some pointers.
4. Romance is seen as a feminine thing.
Men often think that it’s a feminine thing to express emotions or thoughts – and that it would be an insult to their masculinity if they were to do so. They may fear being bullied by their male peers or coworkers and try being “macho” by being romantic as little as possible.
Get your man in touch with his emotions and introduce him to male friends who express their feelings. Show him it’s ok to be romantic and that there’s no stigma attached once it’s out in the open.
You might wish to show him a few TED talks concerning the subject with scientific data to support that it’s okay to express emotions.
5. He might be too busy.
How much does your boyfriend work? If it’s a lot, then he could simply be a workaholic. He could be busy with other commitments in his life that leave him with very little time for you. Plus, he might be so exhausted during the time he does spend with you that being romantic doesn’t even enter his mind.
It’s essential to express how you feel. Tell him politely at a convenient time that you don’t feel appreciated enough and don’t feel loved.
You may wish to schedule a date night or a time where you can have a romantic night between you both. If you both dedicate time in advance of each week, this means he can’t let his commitments interrupt your romantic time.
These 15 Ways to Make Your Boyfriend Realize Your Importance can give you great advice as well!
6. Men don’t talk about romance or relationships with other men.
How often do you and your gal pals talk about men? We reckon it’s often. Women tend to be more in touch with their emotions and feelings and they choose to speak about romantic ways they show affection to their partner. They often go a step further and ask for advice from their friends.
However, when it comes to men, they don’t really bother to think that far about romance. In fact, they’re most likely discussing other stuff with their friends, like sports, drinking, work, and more.
In comparison to women, ideas or rationale often don’t come to mind to illustrate how they can be more romantic. The lack of sharing or talking about your relationship with other male friends could cause a lack of romantic instinct in your relationship.
Show your man films, series, and more on how to be romantic – but do so discreetly, without him realizing that you need to him to up his romance game. Slowly, over time, he’ll become familiar with the concept and start thinking of ways to be romantic with you on his own.
Plus, what’s more romantic than cuddling up to watch a movie together? Make a date night out of it!
7. He’s become lazy.
If you’ve been together for some time, there could be a likely chance that your boyfriend is taking you for granted – so much that he’s become lazy, and stopped making any efforts. Don’t worry; if this is the case, your relationship isn’t a unique circumstance. In fact, this happens to a lot of relationships.
If your boyfriend has become lazy, you might have been the reason behind it. Do you text him, call him, or see him every day? If so, then he might think you’re always there and never going to leave him.
Take a pause, and let him come to you. Induce a sense of fear into your boyfriend that he might lose you to someone else. Once he starts to see the risk of losing you, he might try harder romantically to “win you over”. Make him chase you!
8. He doesn’t want to live by archaic expectations.
You might be thinking your boyfriend isn’t romantic, but that could be the wrong opinion you have of him. In fact, it could be due to him not wanting to force romance and celebrate days like Valentine’s day, as he might see it as unnatural.
He might feel that if romance is forced, then the point of it is pretty much non-existent. As a result, he might wish to surprise you randomly when you least expect it.
Try not to force romance on your boyfriend too much and try not to think about it. If you expect it, you’re only increasing your expectations and setting yourself up for disappointment. When you don’t expect it, it’s likely that you’ll feel surprised and even more loved when he does show it.
Romance is a topic that is heavily expected in relationships and marriage. If you feel like your boyfriend isn’t that romantic, it could be because he may not know how to be romantic – and it may not be one of his love languages. He might not be as expressive and in touch with his emotions as you are, he could simply be too busy, or he’s taking you for granted.
Whatever it is, there’s nothing that can’t be solved with communication and showing him how to be romantic. You can teach him and slowly educate him on what romance means to you.
Most importantly, if he’s gotten lazy, then it’s time to show him what he’s about to lose. Finally, make sure you’re dating the right man – as some don’t have it in them to be romantic.