If you’ve heard about the surge of narcissistic abuse, it could very well make you uneasy in the dating world.
Once you go out on a few dates with a new partner, you may wonder whether they could be a possible narcissist.
Unfortunately, it’s usually hard to tell until it’s too late – unless you’re a trained psychologist. But there are warning signs.
You may already know that many young men have insatiable sexual appetites- regardless of whether they’re a narcissist. But are narcissists hypersexual, too?
Could those amazing orgasms come with a terrible price to pay later on in the relationship?
Hypersexuality has not been identified as a symptom of narcissistic personality disorder (NPD).
While some narcissists are indeed hypersexual, others are only interested in sex as a means of control or personal pleasure.
Sure, narcissists can be hypersexual, but so can any other man – or woman, for that matter. But narcissists are pleasure and affirmation seekers.
They also crave a sense of power and control. And sex can help them fulfill some of their twisted needs.
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How do narcissists behave in bed?
While some people claim that all narcissists are the same, they really aren’t.
True, they do have some characteristics in common, but they are still individuals just like everyone else.
So, it’s hard to identify a narcissist by their style of lovemaking. However, there are some bedroom behaviors that are common to narcissists.
Just keep in mind that none of these are listed as symptoms of NPD and any partner could display some of these traits.
Interest in your pleasure wanes
Initially, narcissists will try to make you feel as though you’re a princess and act like you’re the center of their world.
This is part of the love-bombing or honeymoon stage of the relationship.
During this stage, narcissists will make your pleasure the top priority in the bedroom.
But as the relationship progresses, they’ll be increasingly focused on their own pleasure except when seeking compliments.
Seeks compliments on their performance
Narcissists want to feel good about themselves. Although it may seem as though they’re confident and self-absorbed, deep down they’re very insecure.
So, they may want you to tell them how good they make you feel in bed.
This is common, but it’s not always the case. Narcissists usually have a few areas of their life in which they are confident in their performance.
They may assume that they are the best lover when, in reality, they can’t even satisfy you.
Feels angry or hurt when rejected
If you don’t want to have sex – either because you aren’t in the mood or it’s too early in the relationship – narcissists will often feel angry, hurt, or rejected.
It’s a total blow to their over-inflated ego.
They may ghost you in favor of a new potential supply or find a passive-aggressive way of getting back at you.
Often, they’ll retaliate by denying you sex when you’re in the mood.
Assumes that you’re interested in sex
Narcissists think that they are all that and then some – or at least that’s how they portray themselves.
So, in their minds, what woman wouldn’t want to have sex with them?
They may even go as far as thinking that sex is the answer when you’re feeling upset. Of course, it’s always all about them.
And if you aren’t falling all over them, they are prone to cheating – or simply moving on to the next partner.
Why do narcissists enjoy sex?
This may sound like a dumb question. Who doesn’t enjoy sex? But narcissists have ulterior motives even in the bedroom.
Granted, some narcissists may not be hypersexual at all, but unless they’re impotent, they’ll likely enjoy occasional sex.
And many narcissists are indeed hypersexual. However, this doesn’t necessarily mean that they are sex addicts, even though many of them battle addictions and compulsive behaviors.
Either way, sex is just one more way for a narcissist to meet their selfish needs.
Personal pleasure
Hey, everyone loves a good orgasm, right? So, how can you really blame a narcissist for looking out for their own pleasure in the bedroom?
But this is one of the reasons why some narcissists are hypersexual. They are obsessed with their own pleasure.
If it feels good to them, they’re going to want more of it. It’s the same way with anything that makes a narcissist feel good.
They have this inner void that needs to be filled, only nothing will ever completely satisfy them.
Attention and affirmation
Occasionally, you may come across a narcissist who actually craves intimacy and welcomes cuddling – especially if they’ve dealt with childhood neglect or abandonment.
But most narcissists are just out for attention. And of course, they’re going to have your undivided attention in bed.
Even though they’re only out for their own pleasure, most narcissists enjoy knowing that they can make a woman moan.
It makes them feel good about themselves. And bonus points if you tell them you love them and that they’re the best you ever had.
Power and control
Narcissists love to be the ones in control. Once again, they’re out for anything that makes them feel good.
And few things make a narcissist feel better than having a sense of power. So, they’ll use sex as another way to control their partners.
Often, narcissists will want to have sex at the most inconvenient times and may even threaten or coerce you into the bedroom.
Then, when you do something that displeases them, they’ll withhold sex and affection to get you to change your behavior to suit their needs.
Why are narcissists known for withholding sex?
Even though it’s common for narcissists to be hypersexual, it’s not all about sex for them.
And especially if they’re not the hypersexual type, they’re only going to want sex on their own schedule and when they’re in the mood – whether you’re in the mood or not.
Additionally, power feels just as good as sex, if not better, to many narcissists.
So, they may often be willing to sacrifice an orgasm for one night in favor of a sense of power and control.
Denying sex when you’re in the mood
Sometimes narcissists will be all over you, obviously interested in making it to home base.
But the moment that you put on your sexy lingerie and light the candles, suddenly they’ll tell you that they’re too tired. Huh?
Sadly, this is a common scenario in relationships with narcissists. Whenever you want to have sex, they seem not to be in the mood.
So, you keep trying. Inevitably, there’ll be one day when they’re tired of playing their game and the two of you will end up in the bedroom.
Insisting on sex when you’re not in the mood
On the flip side, narcissists will suddenly want to have sex with you on the day when you work a double shift and are dead tired.
And the second you decline their advances, they’ll accuse you of having an affair or make a passive-aggressive comment.
If you don’t give in, they’ll use it as an excuse the next time they withhold sex from you or throw it in your face when you point out something inconsiderate that they did.
In extreme cases, they may coerce or threaten you to get you to agree to sex.
Withholding sex as punishment
If a narcissist is mad at you for some minor infraction, such as not putting their needs ahead of your own, failing to keep up with housework, or rejecting their financial demands, they’ll often withhold sex – and general affection- as a form of punishment.
This can leave you walking on eggshells or fearing retaliation or the end of the relationship.
The only remedy is to apologize to the narcissist and give them what they want. And guess what? You’ll probably be rewarded with sex.
Or you could always just recognize your worth and be the one who walks out the door- either to become a strong independent woman or to fall into the arms of a loving partner who deserves you.
