We come across many people in our lives. Some we fall in love with, some we find annoying, and others we straight up detest. We also come across individuals that change our lives forever, even if they don’t intend to.
But how do you know which type of relationship you want n the future? Read on to find out the difference between a lover and a partner.
What is a Lover?
It is not easy to define what a lover is or their importance to the person being loved. For some, a lover is a fleeting romance and distant memory that was too good to be true. For many, an encounter with a lover is brief, passionate, and very emotionally charged.
If you’re looking for a super-charged relationship with a deep emotional and physical connection, but no commitment, a lover may be the ideal choice.
Defining Your Relationship with a Lover
What you feel when you are in a relationship with a lover can be subjective, and can also depend on your age, preferences, gender, and what you seek out of the relationship.
However, there are some key similarities in lover relationships across the board.
1. It’s a relationship with little to no commitment.
Many people don’t want to commit to a long-term relationship, and instead want something that is more shallow and doesn’t require much effort.
Having a lover relationship is nothing extreme, but it still fulfills one’s desires. It is a non-committal relationship with no conditions – and therefore less problems that would normally occur in a more romantic relationship.
2. It’s an emotional fling.
A relationship with a lover is a more mature version of a fling. It is as informal as any fling in that you won’t have to worry about being in contact with that person all of the time. But, it’s also more open.
In fact, many relationships between lovers are polyamorous, and open to ambiguity.
3. You can do whatever you want.
A lover won’t hold you back or attach a label to the relationship. You can do whatever you want, because you’re technically single. Feel free to go out to the bar with your friends and even have partner roulette, cherry-picking the person you want to give your heart to.
4. There’s a deep emotional connection.
We all have an intuitive understanding of what a lover is. We have our most tender conversations with them, share our vulnerabilities, and are romantically attached to them.
In a nutshell, they’re the people with whom we share a hormonal “high”, otherwise known as love – with no commitment.
5. It’s not the same as a spouse.
A lover may satisfy your immediate need for affection and passion, but that doesn’t mean they’re the right person to spend the rest of your life with.
Just ask professional divorce lawyers – most high-energy, raw, sexual marriages take a turn for the worse once the lust wears off.
6. The relationship excites you.
Even the most boring people are often swept up by the whirlwind romance of a lover relationship, and end up doing things they would never even think of doing otherwise.
Having a lover is exciting, but unless they check off many other boxes, they aren’t someone you want to depend on for your other objectives and aspirations in life.
7. They’re only interested in you when it’s convenient for them.
Lovers are more casual, and may only be interested in the physical aspects of a relationship., They’re less likely to spend time with you, and might take rain checks when they actually have to take care of you. If they only want to communicate with you or spend time with you when it is easy for them, then you have a problem with your hands.
8. Things might end quickly.
If you find that you and your lover are having fights, expect the relationship to end soon. They’re certainly not on board with this, as lovers are more concerned with the physical aspects of a relationship.
If you’re fighting, they just won’t stick around – it’s just not worth it.
How to Start a Lover Relationship
If you want to have fleeting romances with different people and want to ensure that both you and your lover walk away from each other with no hurt feelings, consider taking a lover. Here are some tips to help you out:
- Invite someone out for a date. Simply asking a person to be your lover is the simplest way to find yourself in a relationship. Find someone you like and invite them out for drinks or to a movie. When you’re ready, bring up the topic of sex. Inquire about their feelings toward a casual, all-sex relationship. You can then make the next move if your date shares your feelings.
- Be honest. Be upfront about it. Describe what you’re thinking about and how you’ve pictured it in your mind. Use the word “lover”, because it connotes something old-fashioned, erotic, and fleeting. You have nothing to fear here, so be yourself.
- Set some ground rules so no one gets hurt. Simple rules like allowing your lover to have sex with other people can reflect your openness. If you want your lover to be available to you as a friend in times of need, ask them. Desires like these should be put to the table and debated.
- Make a schedule. Take it slow, and decide when you want to start having sex. Choose a location and a time that works for you, and make a schedule to meet each other. This will make sure that you unintentionally interfere with each other’s lives.
What is a Partner?
Partners might be lovers, but lovers are unlikely to be partners. A partner is someone who’s on the same page as you, wants you to achieve your life goals as much as you do, and wants to help you do it.
Partners go out of their way to help you in whatever capacity you need, and they expect you to reciprocate. Partners commit to a relationship and are exclusive.
Defining Your Relationship with a Partner
If you’re looking for a person to spend the rest of your life with, a partner is the ideal choice.
1. Partners make a commitment to eachother.
Partners choose to forego the thrill of an active love life in exchange for committed peace and harmony.
A true partner would never lie to you, steal your money, or claim to love you while having an affair with someone else. Partners stay with you for the long term, even if it isn’t in their best interests. A lover will not do the same.
2. It’s a steady long-term relationship.
A partner might provide a reliable source of income, stay loyal, and help you through difficult times.
On the other hand, lovers form a relationship with another as a way to satisfy their lust, which is a fleeting emotion; It never stays for a long time.
Using the words “boyfriend” or “girlfriend” is a huge deal for some people. Many couples consider this to be a sign of commitment, or at the very least, that they plan to stay together for a long time. If you and your current partner refer to each other as lovers rather than boyfriend-girlfriend, your relationship may not be intended to last.
3. A partner is responsible.
A partner is simply more likely to assist you when you need assistance. However, this isn’t to suggest that you can’t rely on your lover to look after you. You absolutely can if you’ve both agreed to do so.
Simply put, a partner takes on the responsibility that a lover won’t. They will go above and beyond to help you.
4. They will make sacrifices to be with you.
A partner will make sacrifices in the same way that he will care about you no matter what.
He’ll go to great lengths to make things work. Since a lover has a lower emotional investment in you, they are less likely to accede to your needs or wants.
5. They make better long-distance relationships
If you have a partner, you can almost certainly find a way to stabilize your relationship even if you are on two different sides of the world.
You could keep the love alive by video conferencing, regular visits, and a lot of texting. However, with a lover, you can’t have this security.
As difficult as it may be to accept, a lover can easily be replaced if the need arises. The relationship with a partner is much more intimate and difficult to duplicate.
6. You share common goals.
A partner will provide you with just what you’re searching for in a serious relationship.
You’ll both be working towards the mutual objective of a long-term relationship. Being on the same page means you have the same level of love and commitment.
If you’re with someone you deem a lover, they’re unlikely to satisfy your emotional needs.
7. It’s easier to work through problems that arise.
If you’re unhappy in a serious relationship, you can express and share your feelings with your partner and work your way through the situation and solve problems in the relationship.
On the other hand, in a strictly sexual relationship, you may not have the depth of trust needed for such a discussion, making it impossible to work out a solution.
8. It’s easier to move in together.
Co-existing in a shared space with another human is difficult, even if you love them a lot. Besides maintaining your relationship, you also have to manage your savings, and expenses. This can become really hard if you receive no support from your partner.
The level of support required for living together does not exist in a sex-only relationship. Cohabitation that is done in a long-term relationship usually lasts much longer than in a casual one. This is due to the complexities of living with another person and the way the relationship works out.
Together, moving in together is normally a symbol of a more serious relationship, but it rarely happens between lovers.
The Bottom Line
It’s crucial to understand the differences between a partnership and a relationship with a lover if you want to figure out which one you’re in and which relationship you want. It’s important to discuss your relationship with your partner to make sure you’re on the same page and to save yourself from heartache.
Are you with someone who has the potential to improve your life? Or are there aspects of your relationship that could damage your long-term prospects? If you chose the latter, it’s better to keep them as lovers while enforcing a strict policy of keeping them out of your life.
The trick is to learn to distinguish between a lover and a partner, and to recognize which one you have.