It’s normal to have mixed feelings when you break up with your ex. Your emotions can be all over the place – whether it’s sadness, depression, anger, or resentment.
But what happens if he wants to stay in touch? It could be extremely confusing for you – so we’ve come up with 15 reasons why he might want to stay in touch after a break-up, how that could affect you emotionally, and what you should do about it.
Read on to learn more!
1. He misses you.
This could be the most common reason that your ex wants to stay in touch with you after a break-up. He might miss the way things were before or may want to see how you are doing.
Whether he’s the dumper or the dumpee, he’ll still miss the daily interactions with you. This can be a surprise for many people who initiate the break-up. He probably thought he’d be fine, but suddenly, he starts missing the morning texts, having to make two cups of coffee, or having someone to send silly memes to.
2. He’s afraid.
He’s worried that someone better won’t come along again soon enough. Sometimes there’s a valid fear that he won’t ever find someone like you. If someone was in a relationship for a while, it can be hard for people to get back into the dating game.
3. He’s still hung up on his feelings.
Your ex-boyfriend may have been trying to keep the relationship alive – and nothing has changed now that you’ve broken up. In fact, he’s still trying to do everything possible to show you how much he truly loves you. He might start to call you more or want to see you again because he just can’t handle what’s happening.
4. He feels guilty about what happened.
Your ex may call or message when they’re experiencing guilt from their decisions and actions during the breakup. This is likely to occur if he cheated, ghosted you suddenly, or went against your wishes.
His goal is to clear his conscience and remove any guilt that might be lingering over the break-up. It’s completely up to you whether you choose to respond to his messages or not.
5. It feels like less work than starting over.
When you break up with someone, reentering the dating game and starting over again can be a lot of work. As such, they may believe that staying in contact with you is easier because they don’t have to put as much effort into making it happen.
It’s important for you to recognize if he is doing this to you. No one wants to feel like a booty call or a second option. In fact, you deserve way better!
6. He’s doesn’t yet know what he really wants in life.
Sometimes an ex will want to stay in touch after a breakup because he doesn’t know what to do or where he’s going in life. Texting you on a frequent basis might give him more time before his true feelings come out.
He may still have some internal conflict struggles to address because he knows where his heart lies – but just isn’t ready to do anything about it yet.
7. He still wants validation.
Your ex might want to stay in touch because he’s afraid of being alone. It may or not be a valid fear, but many times it can seem scary and uncertain if you don’t have companionship from someone else. This feeling makes him do anything possible to feel wanted by anyone again – which means he falls to you.
8. He still wants a relationship.
Sometimes your ex might want to stay in touch with you because he wants the relationship. He may feel that there are many unresolved issues between the two of you, and if given the chance, he wants to work on them so that it can be different this time around or at least have closure.
Check out these 19 Signs Your Ex Wants to Get Back Together to see if it applies to your ex!
9. He wants to get in your pants.
You know the drill. It’s 12:03 am on a Friday, and your phone lights up with a private message from him wanting to “hook up”.
You may want to reply with an emphatic YES, but make sure you think about this carefully. Having sex with an ex can undo all of the progress you’ve made so far – especially if you’re currently going no-contact.
10. He wants to settle things between you.
There’s a good chance the two of you need to make legal arrangements before going your separate ways, especially if you lived together. Perhaps you still need to pay the gas bill, update some documents, or move some items from the house.
If your ex sends you this type of text, it usually means that he doesn’t see the two of you getting back together again – even though he may want it. There’s also the chance that he’s using this as an excuse to text you and confirm that everything is actually over for good.
11. He’s bored.
It’s known that most newly single guys think about all the fun things they can do with their new freedom – but this won’t last forever. He’ll likely enjoy getting drunk for a few weeks, but then get bored of partying and feeling hung-over.
This is when he starts to notice that you’re really gone from his life. Things just got real! While he used to enjoy communicating with you at random parts of the day, his phone now remains silent – and as such, he picks up his phone and texts you.
He might not even know why he’s doing it. He’s just doing nothing else and wants to be entertained by someone who can make him laugh and keep him occupied.
12. He wants to make sure he has no regrets.
He needs closure that he didn’t give up on something special, only to later find out there was potential after all. Let’s be clear – he wants to do everything he can to keep the relationship alive. While he may have given you some space, he now thinks it’s time to get things back on track.
If things are to end, then so be it. At least he won’t have any regrets in the future.
13. He still has your stuff.
Your ex might be contacting you because your stuff is still at his house. He simply wants you to collect your things – because they remind him of the relationship. This is especially true if the items were gifts, as these things tend to spiritually transport us to the exact moment we received them.
14. He knows you’re with someone new.
Your ex sees how happy and comfortable in this new relationship you are, which makes them feel bad for not being able to give you those same feelings. An old boyfriend may be in disbelief that someone better than them is now a part of your life or might just want the “inside scoop” about it all before moving on for good.
15. He needs to know you’re doing okay.
He thinks you’re great and wants to stay in touch after breaking up. He probably never stopped caring for you, even though it’s been a while since the breakup.
He hopes that life is treating you well, and he’d love to know if any of your big dreams have come true. No matter what happens next in his own adventures, you’re still an important person to him.
Frequently Asked Questions
How long should I wait before texting him back?
It can be difficult to answer this question because it depends on so many variables, such as why you ended the relationship and the reason for him texting. Take your time to think before you respond. In some cases, this may mean waiting for over a week before you reply.
What if he says he made a mistake?
It’s good news when he admits he made a mistake and wants a chance to make it up to you. However, be careful not to rush back into a relationship too fast. As you’ve read above, there are many potential reasons why he’s texting you – and only you know whether this it’s the real reason. You shouldn’t automatically trust an ex-boyfriend who has broken your heart in the past.
Why won’t my ex leave me alone?
This is usually because he’s struggling to accept that you’re no longer there. Although he should be focusing on moving on, he’s still in an emotional state and can’t stop himself from contacting you.
You should stay strong by not contacting him. If you do still care for him, let him know that going no contact is the best option for both of you.
Why is he texting me even though he has a new girlfriend?
This is suspicious behavior, but there are a few possible reasons for this. You may constantly find that your ex is reaching out to you just for the sake of keeping tabs on what’s going in your life.
That’s quite a normal reason, but things can get weirder. There’s a good chance that he regrets what happened between the two of you. Either way, this is a huge red flag that hints at the type of guy he is.
What if he demands that I text him back?
You should never be pressured into something you don’t want to do – and this is no exception. He doesn’t get to control you! The only reason to end “no contact” is if there’s an emergency – so ask whether it’s important, and then wait for his response.
Should I block him?
This is something many people do when breaking up with someone. There’s certainly nothing wrong with it. In fact, it’s usually the best thing to do if you’re struggling to stick to the rules of going no-contact.
Blocking also serves as a good tool if he simply isn’t getting the message that you’ve moved on and don’t want to continue the conversation anymore.
If you’re going to block your ex-boyfriend, you could consider texting him to let him know why you’re blocking him. Let him know that it’s a self-preservation thing, and not because you hate his guts (although perhaps you do at this stage).
The Bottom Line
You don’t have to be left in the dark about why your ex-boyfriend is texting you again. There are a few reasons he might reach out, and it’s important for you to know what they might be if he contacts you again.
Start by considering how long it’s been since you’ve talked to each other and whether or not you’re still going no contact. If you are, don’t respond to his messages right away!
You’ll then need to think about whether or not he’s behaving differently than usual. The goal is to get an idea of his mindset and what his motives are.
It’s important to note that texting doesn’t always mean he wants you back. Sometimes this can be a sign he is scared or not ready for single life yet. Staying in touch with you is just part of his grieving process.
The only way to know what he wants is by paying close attention to his actions, instead of taking things at face value through texts.