Are you a hopeless romantic?
Do you find yourself becoming so engrossed in your other half or the guy you’re dating? Maybe you find yourself getting butterflies when his name is mentioned when he sees you, or even when he talks to you.
You’re often left feeling like you want more – and it can feel like an addiction you want to feed. But, is that addiction fueled by love – or lust?
We’re here to give you a reality check, and help you find out exactly what kind of relationship you have with him and to know where you stand with your feelings. Keep reading to learn more!
What is Love?
Love is an emotion and behavior that is often displayed through intimate moments, commitment, and passionate feelings. It often occurs from a matter of biological processes and influences in our environment.
The unique thing about love is that the level of emotion can vary. For example, it can become very intense – or it may decrease, and even fade away with time.
The emotions surrounding love tend to be positive, and common emotions associated with happiness, satisfaction, excitement, and euphoria.
On the other hand, negative emotions experienced with love can include jealousy, anger, and stress, depending on the circumstances.
Love actually has a surprising amount of benefits for us, including:
- Lower levels of depression
- Decreased stress levels
- Reduced chances of heart disease
- Lower risk of diabetes
- Better habits
The 3 Signs of Love
- Attachment: The urge for shared feelings and the need for physical contact with another person.
- Caring: Each party cares deeply for what the other person wants.
- Intimacy: Intimate moments allow private thoughts and feelings to be shared with each other.
5 Different Types of Love:
- Friendship: This relationship has a mutual liking, but isn’t intimate.
- Passionate Love: A love consisting of deep feelings and the need for something more. This relationship has a lot of attraction, and often in this form of love one person idolizes the other and longs for a sense of touch.
- Unrequited Love: A form of one-sided love where the other doesn’t return their feelings.
- Compassionate Love: A type of love that combines trust, intimacy, commitment, and affection.
- Infatuation: A feeling of love from an extremely early stage of a relationship consisting of deep feelings, passion, and often wanting something to develop further.
What is lust?
It’s important to explain the difference between love and lust, as people tend to get confused between the two. The truth is, lust is often a sexual urge and an intense feeling of attraction towards a certain person – and it’s nothing more than this.
This feeling can be so strong that studies have shown it can activate the same parts of the brain that drugs do. It creates a feeling of intense attraction, and combined with the cocktail of hormones it creates in your body, it can make you confused – thinking you’re in love with someone.
The hormones responsible for creating that lust sensation in your body are androgens and gonadotropin-releasing hormones. One of the most common androgens released through sexual attraction and arousal is testosterone. This hormone is released through saliva when kissing, having sexual intercourse, and more, which creates lust.
You can’t help who you’re attracted to or aroused by either. This feeling can happen subconsciously- which means we can’t choose when to feel lustful either.
Lust often tends to be a selfish feeling, where it’s only you craving or being attracted to the other person. It’s kind of like an intense feeling of passion that you’re just desperate to have.
Is it Love or Lust?
Now that you have a basic insight into the difference between the two feelings, here are some ways to uncover the truth about what you feel for him.
Ask Yourself Questions
Before going any further, we recommend you ask yourself the following:
- What physical interaction do I have with this person?
- Do I crave sexual contact? If I’ve already had it, how did it feel?
- Do I think about a future with this person? Are the only thoughts I have about them sexual?
- Do I want to introduce this person to my family, friends, and work colleagues?
- If I could describe my relationship with him in a sentence, what would it be?
It’s Lust, If…
1. Physical features are most important to you.
When you’re looking at your partner and all you seem to care about is how they look, then we’re sorry to say it might be lust. This is especially true if you don’t have much interest or care towards their feelings or anything else going on in their life.
If you’re lusting after him, you’ll be in constant adoration of his physical characteristics, including hair, eyes, smile, physique, and so forth. His looks can stop your thoughts, and you can become easily caught up by them.
2. You crave sex all the time
Sometimes, all you care about is having sex with him. Sex is constantly on your mind, and you can’t think of anything else.
If you don’t know basic stuff like his interests, priorities, and more, then it’s most likely lust. If you two regularly have sex and fewer conversations, then lust is what you’re experiencing.
3. You’re mysterious.
If you only message him or talk to him when you feel like it, you might be in lust. Lust tends to involve shallow feelings and is only for a specific purpose.
Similarly, if you’re trying to take control and lead the situation and only have him in your life when it suits you, then it’s definitely lust.
4. You have an unstable relationship.
Lust is often a quick feeling that passes over you, and feels like fire. It can come quickly, feel great and then also diminish – causing a lot of tension and chaos.
Most of the time, lust has no other feelings, and you’re not attached to him.
5. You’re constantly trying to impress him.
The way you dress around him can indicate if it’s lust or love. If you’re constantly trying to look like a 10/10 with a hot outfit on, makeup galore, and always doing your hair, then it’s definitely lust.
6. You aren’t bothered by his imperfections.
This might sound wrong, but if you’re in lust, then all of his nuances and little annoying things that he does won’t bother you.
Frankly, you couldn’t care less if he improves on himself because in reality, his little quirks don’t affect you. You don’t have the need to be bothered by him, because it’s not heading for a long-term relationship.
It’s Love, If…
1. You have in-depth and meaningful talks.
How do you spend your time with your partner? If you have lots of deep conversations about life, politics, interests, and more, then it’s most likely love.
When you’re in love, you want to have open and rich conversations to help you understand each other better. If you and your date tend to spend long hours talking to each other on the phone and in person, then you’re in LOVE.
2. Sex isn’t everything.
If you’re truly in love, sex won’t be the main priority of your relationship. There are many other ways of expressing your feelings, such as cuddling, spooning, and kissing.
When you do have sex, you’ll most likely have sweet talks and cuddles afterward.
3. You feel stable and secure.
Love happens when you both feel stable in the relationship, and you feel that you can grow and develop together. You definitely don’t want to be with anyone else, because he makes you feel safe.
4. You think about him all the time
If you’re truly in love, he’ll come into your thoughts regularly – even when you’re not with him. You’ll constantly care about what he’s up to, how he’s feeling, his growth, and more.
It’s not uncommon for you to experience something good and wish he was there to experience it with you. Plus, you tend to care about your partner so much that you’ll often put his needs before your own.
5. He’s met your friends and family.
Would you introduce your lover to your parents? Probably not.
If you’re in love with him, then he’ll know your friends and family. Usually, someone who’s in love is very confident and assertive of their feelings. If you want the world to know about how amazing he is and how you feel for him, then we’re confident you’re in love.
6. You feel comfortable being yourself.
If you’re comfortable around him wearing no makeup, sweatpants, and your hair tied back – then you’re in love. You feel comfortable around him, and know that he loves you for who you are.
7. You challenge and support one another.
If you’re in love, you’ll constantly be pushing him to grow, and he’ll do the same to you. You care about each other progressing and getting the most out of life.
Plus, you won’t be afraid of honest communication and won’t hesitate to tell each other when you’re doing something wrong and what can be improved on.
Can You Turn Lust into Love?
The short answer, is yes. If you’re reading this worried that you might be feeling more lustful than love, then fear not – you may be able to do something about it.
If you feel like you want to pursue a potentially loving relationship with him, it’s important that you establish whether you like him enough to do so first. Then, you can do the following:
1. Talk/text him in the daytime.
If your conversations have been sexually related, you may want to engage in something different. Choose to text him about something happening in the news or anything more meaningful.
Keep an eye out out for his response time when you text. If he texts you back immediately in the daytime, then he could be interested; if he takes hours, it could just be lust for him too.
Check out 11 Foolproof Ways to Make a Man Chase You Through Text to get him more interested!
2. Drop casual hints
If you want something more, drop him some cues that you’d like to spend more time with him outside the bedroom. Perhaps ask him if he wants to go for dinner or propose a date to him.
If you need some inspiration, here are the Top 20 First Date Ideas and How to Have a Successful First Date.
3. Keep doing your own thing.
Love is definitely about coming together and spending more time with each other. But, it’s also important that you invest in yourself and spend time on your own.
One fantastic way of doing this is by showing your interest and taking the lead. You don’t need him to give you a hint. Once you take the lead and he refuses, then you know he only lusts after you.
If you need some help, here are 20 Sweet and Easy Ways to Show a Guy You Like Him.
The Bottom Line
Lust vs. love is often a common topic debated in the media. When it comes to the relationship you have with him, it all depends on your personal preferences and what you want out of life.
Remember, if you’re looking for love, you must reflect on your relationship to see if you’re having meaningful conversations, different types of physical touch, and care about the other person’s feelings.
Generally, if you’re experiencing lust, you’ll just care about the intense physical attraction you’re experiencing, how he makes you feel, and only want sex.
Now that you have an insight, what do you feel? Do you feel lust or love? Check out What is a Long-Term Relationship: 11 Signs You’re in One to see if you have something real!