Cheating is something we all fear in our marriages and our relationships. There’s nothing worse than the moment we discover someone cheating. It can break our hearts and cause a period of instability in our lives.
What’s even worse, is being cheated on and not knowing about it – so when you discover that your friend’s husband is cheating on her and she doesn’t know, it’s only natural that it tugs at your heartstrings.
If you have proof that he’s cheating, should you get involved? Ask yourself this: would you want someone to do the same for you if it was your husband?
If that’s a yes, then take charge – and read on for the best ways to tell her!
1. Disclose the affair anonymously.
Apart from protecting your identity, here’s why you should tell them anonymously:
- If you’re a known person, she might not believe you – and will return straight to her cheating husband.
- If you’re friends with the cheater, he may feel a great sense of betrayal.
- After the wife fings out, you’ll be protected from potential threats and physical action by the cheater.
2. Gather evidence before you confront her.
In such scenarios, it’s important not to go in full force without the right evidence and confirmation that this person’s husband is cheating. You must have concrete evidence before proceeding to the next steps.
At first, this may seem a little stressful and tedious, but it’s worth it and is rewarding in the long run. If you don’t have evidence on hand, you’ll need to unleash your investigative instincts and start looking.
Typical ways you can do this include:
- Monitoring where the cheating husband goes at specific times of the day; perhaps you could take photos of him meeting the person he’s having an affair with (Just be careful; this could be classified as stalking – and you’re greatly putting yourself at risk!).
- You could also investigate their social media accounts and look at their likes, photos, friends lists, comments, and more to get the evidence you need.
- If you don’t have the time but you have the money, you could always choose to hire a private investigator who’ll do the work quickly and effectively for you.
3. Send a letter.
If you have the time and are willing to put in the effort, you can always send an anonymous letter. Here are some important tips to note:
- Hopefully, you know the person well enough to know their address – but if you don’t, you have to be very careful how you locate their address.
- If you know the person well, try to carefully hide your handwriting. If it’s easily distinguishable, you might want to type it on a computer.
- Be careful when sending the letter. Even if you address it to the wife, the husband could easily open the post and read it on her behalf.
- Be careful not to cut out letters from magazines or newspapers. You’re not a serial killer! That’s just creepy.
- Be short and sweet and keep the information on a need-to-know basis.
Ideally, your letter should consist of the following:
“Dear [Name of Victim],
I’m really sorry to have to write this letter, as I know it could cause you great pain. However, I thought it was only fair to tell you that your husband has been cheating on you for some time.
Attached you will find the relevant proof in the form of [pictures/social media screenshots/etc.]; it’s up to you to choose whether to view it or not. Once again, I apologize for informing you of this. My intentions aren’t to hurt you, but to inform you of the truth.”
4. Send an anonymous email.
Sending an anonymous email is the modern-day version of a letter. However, just because it’s done online and behind a screen, sending an email isn’t always easy.
When doing this, it’s best to create a new email account that has no personally identifiable information. For example, you might want the first half of the email handle to have “anonymous” in it.
If you don’t want to use the suggestion above or a different name, you can use a fake email generator or fake ID generator. This is a computer-based algorithm that will help hide your identity.
Finally, when you’re typing the email, make sure you stay away from your usual format so you can’t be verified. Be sure to add proof attachments such as photos, screenshots, and videos. Ideally, the more proof you send the better!
Once you’ve sent the email, delete the email account so it can’t be investigated further. The last thing you will want is an online footprint tracing back to you!
5. Make an anonymous phone call.
Making an anonymous telephone call can be one of the riskiest and nerve wracking ways to tell the victim. You’ll want to do it through a number that can’t be identified as your own, such as a public phone box.
One of the best ways to inform via phone is by using a burned messaging service. This app or website protects your real number and uses a temporary phone number that can’t be traced back to yours – and therefore keeping your identity completely anonymous during and after the phone call.
Burner services provide more than just a temporary phone number. They can help hide your voice through certain voice changer apps – which will make you more relaxed and provide you additional freedom in what you say or how you communicate to the victim.
It’s important to remember to be courteous, polite, and straight to the point. Make sure you relay the evidence and any important facts surrounding the affair. It’s important in this insistence to remain as calm and friendly as possible.
You should inform the person that you have no bad intent and that you don’t want to hurt anybody. Then, end the conversation in an emphatic way and say goodbye.
6. Inform them via social media.
Who doesn’t use social media nowadays? If you aren’t on close terms with the victim, there’s bound to be one platform you can find her on. If you feel social media is the most appropriate option, you’ll need to take your time to find the different social media handles she’s on.
From there, you’ll want to create a fake account before sending the message. To maintain additional security, you might want to create a fake email and attach it to the fake account. This can protect you in the event the account gets hacked and gets traced back to you.
Then once you’ve done this, send the victim a friend request or a follow so they can receive your message in their account without going to the junk folder. Make sure the message is detailed and includes the relevant information and attachments of evidence.
7. Use an anonymous messaging service.
Send a message to the victim through a channel that allows you to be discreet without revealing your true identity. One of the major advantages of using such a service is that you don’t need to create a fake account. You can send a message straight to the receiver through Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, email, SMS, and text.
Most of these messaging services deliver your intended message within 24 hours, and there’s no traceability.
As you’re not going to be on the receiving end, it’s important the message you send is straight and to the point and factual. Only provide them with the information they need to know; if you give them too many unpleasant details, it could be extremely distressing.
8. Tell a friend or family member.
If you know a friend or family member of the victim you trust, tell them the news. Make sure that they won’t pass the message on to other individuals and that they only tell the victim. Similarly, this person must be trusted enough that they won’t tell the victim that you told them the news.
The Bottom Line
Cheating is a pretty big deal, especially if you’re married. If you know someone who has been cheated on, you should inform them – but you should first gather sufficient evidence.
Once you have proof of the affair, you can disclose it anonymously through an email, telephone call, message, social media, or through a family or friend.
When doing so, remember to keep the message discreet and add only the need-to-know information. At the same time, include lots of proof so that she’ll be more likely to believe you.
If you’re doing it in private, remember to create fake accounts, names, and emails so that nothing can be traced back to you.