There is a lot of pressure that comes with the decision to tell your one-night-stand about your pregnancy.
When and how should I tell him?
What if he gets upset?
Will my child’s father be in his/her life?
How do I tell my parents?
These are all valid questions that anyone who’s pregnant may have. It can be difficult, and although telling them might be scary and confusing, it’s something you have to do.
There is no right or wrong way to go about telling someone that you are pregnant, but read on for some tips and a guide on how to go about it.
1. Confirm that you’re definitely pregnant.
Pregnancy can be a confusing and exciting time – but before you make any big decisions or share the news with anyone else, it’s important to confirm that you’re definitely pregnant! Imagine going through all of that only to find out that your test was inaccurate.
If you missed your period or are experiencing other pregnancy symptoms (such as nausea, vomiting, and breast tenderness) then there’s a good chance you’re pregnant – but the only way to know for sure is to take a home pregnancy test right away and to see your doctor.
2. Be honest with how you feel.
After a one-night stand, finding out that you’re pregnant can be an overwhelming surprise. Spend some time processing how this news will impact your life and how it makes you feel before jumping to conclusions about the future.
Spend some time journaling and talking with friends before making any rash decisions. The good news is that you have some time to think things through before you tell the guy the BIG news.
3. Know your options.
It’s not easy to make a decision. If you’re pregnant and unsure, do yourself the favor of considering your options carefully before proceeding with having the baby.
Only you have the right to make a decision in this instance – and whatever your preference, it’s best that you know how you feel before discussing anything with him.
Here are a few options you can take:
- Booking an appointment for an abortion
- Looking into adoption
- Raising the baby with the father
- Raising the baby on your own
4. Plan your message/speech.
Anything you say to him can be taken in a number of ways. It’s always smart to spend some time planning and practicing what you want to say before the conversation begins to ensure your message is communicated as effectively as possible.
The best way to make sure you have a successful conversation is by practicing beforehand. Make it your goal to show emotion and match your body language to what you’re talking about. You’ll feel more confident when confronting an issue if all of these aspects align with one another.
The best way to keep track of everything you need to say is by making a list. Write down all pertinent information on a piece of paper and use it as your checklist for what needs to be said, in order. Here are a few things you may want to include in your message:
- “I missed my period and I know that I’m pregnant.”
- ”I took a pregnancy test and the results came back positive.”
- “I wanted to be honest with you and tell you that I’m pregnant.”
- “I considered my options and I have decided how to proceed.”
5. Arrange to meet face to face.
You may want to try and set up a meeting with him so you can talk about this in person. Suggest going for a walk, getting coffee together, or grabbing lunch; the important thing is that it’s quiet and private enough to have a sensitive chat.
If he asks why, then make up an excuse. It’s important not to tell him through text. This is big news!
You should know, there’s a chance he’ll get the wrong idea here. He may think you want a “second date” after the night you spent together and may be hot or cold to your invitation. If he doesn’t want to meet up, you’ll have to turn to the next best option by giving him a phone call.
6. Speak clearly
Speak your words loud and clear when meeting with him so that it won’t be necessary to repeat yourself or explain things twice. After some brief small talk, go ahead and cut to the chase.
It can be helpful to bring a notecard with what you plan to say in case your mind goes blank and so that when he asks a question, you’ll be able to respond with ease. You don’t want to say the wrong thing to a question that caught you off-guard – so pay extra attention to your prepared notes.
7. Be prepared for his reaction.
Remember, you had time to process the news yourself – whereas it’ll hit him like a train! He’s not likely expecting to hear anything close to what you’re about to tell him.
He’s probably feeling confused, mad at the situation, or in total disbelief. He may even show different emotions at the same time.
Whatever his reaction is, it’s important to give him enough time to process the big news. His first reaction may not be indicative of what he actually thinks – so it’s important to give him the benefit of the doubt.
If he’s angry, don’t provoke him to do anything rash. He might contact you after he has calmed down – but if not, it’s okay! Just remember that we’re all human – and that everyone needs time for themselves sometimes.
If he’s kind and understanding, you may choose to discuss your options and feelings with him. You can even make plans to meet again to discuss your future.
8. Look after your health.
You might be feeling a little overwhelmed at the prospect of being pregnant. It should come as no surprise that regardless of what choice you make about having this child – whether that’s continuing on with the process and carrying through term or not – your general well-being will be heavily affected by these decisions.
After your meeting with him, do some yoga or deep breathing exercises to help yourself relax after talking through this difficult conversation.
You may also want to treat yourself to a spa day – which can involve facials, baths, massages, and pedicures. You’ve earned it!
If your mental health has really taken a hit, it’s really important to speak to a professional therapist.
9. Make a plan for your future.
After you’ve met him and everything has been discussed, you may want to make a plan for what happens next. Whether you know what your dreams are or they’ve always been unclear, ask yourself if now is the right time to start a family and consider how much support you need in order to do so.
If you’ve to raise your child, think about how this will affect both of your lives. You’ll both need some time to prepare for all of these changes.
If he’s open-minded enough, go ahead and ask him to assist you in any way he can. If he doesn’t want to be a part of the baby’s life, then it’s important that you take time to heal before moving forward. It’s also likely that he’ll come around eventually.
10. Be aware of risks.
There are risks with both having the baby and deciding not to. It’s important to fully understand the current and future risks of every decision, so it’s a good idea to speak with a professional.
Make a doctor’s appointment if you’re still in the process of deciding how best to proceed. Doctors will help ensure that all your options are explored, and they can put together a plan based on what is most appropriate for your situation.
Whether or not you decide to continue with a pregnancy, this is an extremely personal decision. It’s important to take advantage of all the available options and resources out there including support groups, free prenatal vitamins, and counseling services.
All of these things can make it easier on you during what is undoubtedly one of the most trying times in life.
What if he expresses a desire to raise the child with you?
Listen to what he has to say, but don’t make any decisions until you’ve had time to think things through. If he’s open about being involved in the pregnancy, it might be a good idea to tell him that you want some time to think about this before making any decisions.
Even if they offer to take care of the pregnancy or even want to marry you, make sure you think all through your options – and don’t make any hasty decisions.
Do you have to tell him you’re pregnant?
You don’t have to tell him. There’s no law that states you must tell the father about your baby.
If you think that he won’t be accepting of your decision, you might want to live with the secret for as long as you can bear to so that you’ll have a chance to adjust to the new changes in your life first. It’ll help you create good coping strategies for dealing with what’s ahead of you.
That said, people argue that the moral thing to do is to tell the guy as soon as you know – however ultimately, the decision is up to you. It’s most important to do what you think is right for you.
You are in control of your body and no one else should be able to tell what you want to do with it – including the father.
The Bottom Line
Analyze your own feelings on the topic in question and be honest with yourself about how you feel. Be sure to communicate clearly and kindly so as not to offend or upset anyone else involved in the discussion.
If there are any necessary decisions for either party involved during this delicate process, make sure these conversations happen earlier rather than later (especially when kids’ futures are concerned).
- Tell him you’re pregnant, and express your intentions.
- If he’s kind and understanding, you may choose to co-parent or decide how to proceed with the pregnancy. Remember, you have options – so don’t feel pressured or guilty about making a decision based on what someone else wants.
- You’ll have a couple of months to make up your mind and process your feelings. Use this time to collect information and find out what you want for yourself and your family, not anyone else.
- Take care of yourself during this process.
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