What do you seek in a boyfriend? Perhaps you seek admiration, trust, love, and respect?
Maybe your boyfriend has all of these, but you still wish for him to have something else.
You might feel something lacks in his personality; maybe he’s not funny, happy, or just too boring. The reality could be that he’s just so serious – and it could be draining you completely!
Serious people are renowned for being deep in thought and not being able to joke and laugh every once in a while. Serious people may hardly ever smile or even laugh, and don’t know how to relax!
If you’re hearing alarm bells ring in your head about your very own boyfriend, you might be wondering why he’s so serious all the time – so keep reading to find out!
Does your boyfriend have a highly stressful job – like a doctor, lawyer, banker, broker, or anything else? These jobs often involve working around the clock, which could cause him not to switch off at all.
This could make him serious wherever he goes, as he always has his “work mindset” on. After all, these jobs aren’t taken lightly, and if any elements of fun were involved, major mistakes might be made – which could cost him his job or put him in danger.
In addition to your boyfriend’s work, he might be highly stressed all of the time. Does he have a big family or a large group of people depending on him? If he has a lot of responsibilities, he may not have the time to think for himself.
If he’s always trying to solve other people’s problems, he might be taking on their stress too.
3. He’s Insecure
While your boyfriend may not express his feelings outwards towards you, being serious all the time may signify that he’s very insecure. How was his upbringing or previous romantic relationships?
Something could have happened in his life where his self-esteem has taken a hit, and he’s afraid of it getting hit again. He could be serious a lot as he may not know how to interpret comments or actions.
His serious attitude towards things could be more like a guard, causing him to defend himself from unwarranted hurt.
4. He Has an Insatiable Appetite for Learning
Sometimes, people like your boyfriend might just be wanting to learn a lot. He might take courses, read, engage in community clubs, and much more outside of work. He needs to be serious in order to fully absorb the information easily and use it practically.
5. He Feels Like He Has to Become “Somebody”
Your boyfriend may feel like he has to be a serious person in order to like himself. If he’s constantly serious all the time, he may fear others might not be able to like him. He might feel like he won’t be valued as much if he tries to experiment or showcase other areas of his personality.
6. He Likes to Be in Control
Sometimes men like to be in power and assert their dominance in different areas. If you feel like your boyfriend is serious all the time, it could be because he wants to come across as powerful.
He might fear losing that control by showing you his nice, funny, or caring side. You might assert control over him, and he may be in a weaker position. Plus, he may be convinced that women don’t like nice guys.
7. He Feels Like He Needs to Act Like an Adult
Many people tend to get confused and think that being fun, hilarious, and nice-natured could be childish. This could cause concern, as the older he gets, he may fear that he has to be more responsible and serious in everyday matters.
How to Deal With a Serious Boyfriend
Looking at those points, you might be questioning if you can really stay with a serious boyfriend forever. Well, if you love your boyfriend a lot, then him being always serious shouldn’t bother you too much.
In fact, there are a few things you can do which can make your relationship more bearable:
1. Talk to him.
Many couple’s problems are often eradicated so easily once the conversation starts going. One thing that might be holding you both back is having a proper conversation.
If your boyfriend is serious all the time, it could be a simple matter of expressing your feelings towards him. He might not even be aware that he’s too serious. You never know what communication might achieve between the pair of you.
2. Put yourself in his shoes.
Like we mentioned earlier, there might be a genuine reason your boyfriend is always serious – and one good way of understanding why is looking at life from his perspective. Once you start to understand him, you may be less frustrated.
When you understand his ways, you could take his stress and seriousness away from him by helping him and making him feel supported.
3. Show him other adults who have fun.
In this situation, it’s extremely important not to compare your relationship to others or bring your boyfriend down. However, one thing you can definitely do is show him other adults his age or even on the TV or in the media who don’t take themselves too seriously.
Don’t do it in such an obvious way, though; you’ll want to slowly show him and do it discreetly. When he notices others being less serious, he might have a light bulb moment that it’s ok to let your hair down once in a while.
4. Introduce him to exercise.
If your boyfriend is serious all the time, it could be a sign of stress from other commitments in his life. If he’s not that active, you could introduce him to certain sports. Sports are a great mood booster; they release endorphins, a type of hormone which allows you to feel a natural high afterward.
After playing a sport or exercising, your boyfriend will feel a lot happier, less serious, and more relaxed.
5. Teach him how to be satyrical.
Relationships aren’t always that great if you’re on different wavelengths – especially if you’re the kind, witty girlfriend and he’s the uptight, serious boyfriend.
Sometimes it takes a lot to know how to make fun of yourself and not take yourself too seriously. In such instances, you might want to show your boyfriend some well-known comedians and introduce him to a type of comedy you like.
6. Learn alongside him.
If he’s constantly serious all of the time, you might wish to join him too. You never know – you might enjoy being serious together and have many things achieved as a couple.
This could especially be true if he likes to learn. Why not join the same course he wants to do or start learning about his interests?
7. Be his support network.
If he’s serious all the time due to insecurities, try to be there for him. The last thing you want to do is poke at his insecurities, causing his confidence and self esteem to decrease.
As his girlfriend, you can build him up so that he won’t be so serious all of the time. Once he feels like he can trust and confide in you, he may feel like you’ve given him a safe space to explore other areas of his personality.
8. Provide switch-off moments .
If your boyfriend has a high-profile job in which he has to be serious regularly, you’ll want to make sure you have moments in your relationship where he can switch off. One example could be banning mobile phones at the dinner table.
Perhaps you could both go on a morning walk – whatever it is, make sure you have time dedicated to not using any digital devices at all.
Another way of doing this is going on vacations or staycations to stop him from being so uptight. This will allow him to switch off and reconnect with you in the relationship.
9. Go for massages.
Again, him being serious could be because he might be so stressed and uptight. One good way of dealing with this is by surprising him and making sure he relaxes more. Massages are also a great alternative for exercise if he does not like it or does it already.
You may wish to give your boyfriend a massage or go for a couple’s one together. Massages are great, as they help relax your body’s soft tissues and increase circulation. He might come out of one more light-hearted and less serious.
10. Remind him how short life is.
Life is short, and it’s not worth taking it so seriously – as it’s over in the blink of an eye. Show your boyfriend how quickly life goes. Good ways of doing that are by getting the photo album out or looking at photos of you two together when you were young.
You could inform him about famous people who lived short lives or wasted their life on little things. This could give him a wake-up call and make him realize that he needs to start having fun and making the most out of his life instead of always being serious.
11. Take him on adrenaline-fueled activities.
We mentioned in the last point that sometimes people need a “wake-up call” or a “reality check” to stop taking life so seriously. One fun way of doing this is by taking him to do adrenaline filled activities like bungee jumping, sky diving, or even on a rollercoaster.
There’s nothing like the adrenaline rush that serves as a quick reminder to realize how short life is and remind him of what fun can be.
12. Leave him.
If you’ve exhausted all of your efforts (including the points above) and he’s still too serious, then the only thing we have left to say is to leave him. If him being serious bothers you that much, then it’s the only sensible option.
After all, you may love him, but your personalities might not be compatible with one another. Therefore, you need to think about spending the rest of your life with someone so serious.
How can you tell if your boyfriend is serious about you?
There are many indicators that your boyfriend is serious about you; one main one is if he talks about you two having a future together. He also might enjoy having long conversations with you and spending time with you. If you’re his priority, then he’s serious.
What does a serious relationship mean to a guy?
A serious relationship with a man is one where you’re entirely committed to each other. That means being together forever, getting married, and potentially having kids.
What do I do when my boyfriend takes things too personally?
Take a breath and remember that sometimes he could be taking things personally due to his insecurities. In these moments, explain why you said something and provide him a safe space to share his other emotions.
The Bottom Line
It’s not a sin for your boyfriend to be serious all the time. In fact, he could be serious for various reasons. One of the most important ones is that he may not know how to switch off, especially if he has a stressful job.
Similarly, he could be serious because he’s insecure, and his ego has been bruised easily in the past or due to his constant hunger to learn.
Whatever it is, you can help him change by showing how it’s ok to have fun. You might wish to show him comedians, take him on vacation, and even do adrenaline-filled activities.
Do note that his personality might not change overnight. However, if you provide a safe space for him to explore other areas of his personality, we’re confident he might ease up and start to have fun.