Texting is a great way to stay in contact with people, but there is something to be said about picking the right means for which to get in contact with people.
Some situations call for different kinds of contact, and text messaging is often best for situations where not getting an immediate reply won’t be the end of the world. But the question becomes, what is healthy texting in a relationship?
Generally, if you are being inundated with so many text messages that you can’t keep up, or your partner is reacting negatively to not getting a quick response, which may be a sign that unhealthy texting is going on.
A good rule of thumb is to not spam text messages too frequently or too often in a row and be understanding if you do not get a reply quickly.
However, if you do find that your partner tends to not reply to your texts ever or as often as you would like, that is something you should sit down with them and have a serious discussion over.
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How to text in a healthy way
When texting, make sure that you are relatively clear, as your voice and intent may be difficult for the recipient to properly understand.
One of the worst things about texting as a medium is that you can type one thing and have them think it says something completely opposite to what you meant, making a fight out of nothing.
If such a misunderstanding does occur, make sure that you don’t diminish or demean the misunderstanding and focus instead on clearing things up.
You should also be cautious about how often you text and how you respond to your partner’s texts (or lack thereof).
Sending too many texts can be off-putting to the recipient, and not jumping to conclusions about their intent is a good skill to learn in general.
Also, make sure that you aren’t using texting as an alternative to talking on the phone or in-person for very important things.
Never, ever, ever do something serious over texting, like breaking up with your partner, or informing someone that a family member has passed away.
Even if you want to break up with them and feel too unsafe to do so in person, you can still call them.
Doing these things over text message is generally seen as a bit of a faux pas, so do so at your own risk.
How to tell that you text too much
A good rule of thumb when it comes to texting too often is to check how many texts you send in a row with any reply.
Granted, this could be an issue of your partner needing to reply more, but if you are the bulk of the messages, it could beam that your partner feels overwhelmed by how much you are messaging them.
Honestly, they may even be not replying to your messages simply because there are so many to reply to.
When you receive a lot of information, or if you’ve managed to fall behind on replies, it is not at all uncommon to feel like you simply cannot reply.
It’s a vicious cycle of feeling guilty about the lack of reply, no matter how illogical the reasoning there may be.
Just like you would grant them physical space, you should also grant them space here.
What are unhealthy texting behaviors?
No matter if you are in a relationship or not, there are certain ways a person can text you that are unhealthy and may be hard to notice if you don’t know what to look out for.
One issue that often comes up within relationships is when your partner gets a certain way over a lack of response, or even just a delayed response, to their text messages.
Even if you have a good reason (such as being asleep or being at work), you may find that, either through text or in-person, they’re expressing dissatisfaction over the lack of a response.
It is not an inherently bad thing that your partner feels bad, but it becomes an issue if it’s both a frequent occurrence and particularly intense, that is when you need to have a serious discussion with your partner on the matter.
How to set healthy boundaries with texting
If your partner is engaging in this kind of behavior, the best thing you can do is to sit down and talk about it.
Ideally, you are with a partner who knows how to communicate with you properly, and getting this started should be the least of your problems.
This kind of thing can be a form of control, and you need to make sure that your partner understands what is and is not okay to do with you.
Establish with your partner that just because you are not replying to their texts immediately, it does not reflect on your behavior or feelings towards your partner.
Tell them that from now on, over-texting and being pushy about you not responding in a timeframe that they find acceptable is itself an unacceptable thing and needs to stop.
Of course, they may have legitimate concerns regarding you ignoring them, which should be acknowledged; however, if you feel like they are pushing your boundaries, you need to speak up.
It is also important to understand that sometimes, you may not appreciate that you yourself may need to adjust certain behaviors.
Much like with your partner, it does not invalidate your perspective or feelings, but it is important to be able to self-examine whether you have anything you need to improve on your end.
What do I do if my partner does not listen to me?
Unfortunately, not all partners are going to be willing to sit down and listen to your concerns, mainly due to the fact that once a person is convinced that something is true, or that something is a problem, it’s very difficult to change their mind.
Thus, if you are finding it difficult, you need to put your foot down and make clear that, if they are unwilling to listen to your problems and respect them as valid, that is a serious red flag and will make you question your relationship.
That being said, just because something is a red flag, it does not mean that you need to walk away from the relationship.
A red flag is a warning that things may be bad and to find a way to address them, if any such options exist.
If you can get them to agree to it, a relationship counselor could be the best way to heal your otherwise harmed relationship.
This relationship counselor will be able to help you discuss with and listen to each other, as well as give you the tools to figure things out.
Your partner may use these tools to try to better themselves and handle their bad texting habits better, but there is also the risk that your partner does not stick with it – if they even start it at all.
If this is the case, you need to consider whether your situation is tenable to stay in a relationship and whether you can justify continuing to be in a relationship with this person.
