Some things spell the end of your relationship. You see them. They see them. Someone’s got to call them out. You don’t have to keep tolerating glaringly obvious relationship deal breakers.
In any relationship, you need to decide what your ultimate deal breakers are. While no one can make those decisions for you, below is a handy list of 18 examples of relationship deal breakers you shouldn’t ignore any longer.
1. He cancels on you…
…regularly, and without much reason either. What’s wrong with him? It feels like he just doesn’t respect you enough to show up and make an effort.
You’re falling for him and all you can think about is spending more time with him. You get ready for a date for hours and then he cancels on you out of nowhere. He always comes up with some lame excuse as to why he can’t make it, or why he’s running late.
You are starting to lose your patience with him, and for good reason.
He rarely wants to organize anything with you, and you end up feeling like you’re not even in a relationship anymore. If he can’t commit to properly dating you, you need to dump him before he does more damage to your self-esteem.
2. He keeps you a secret
Another relationship deal breaker to watch out for is when a guy won’t introduce you to his friends and family. He acts like he’s totally into you, but when it comes to finally making that step, he’s never quite ready.
There’s always something – his mom is difficult, his sister is a handful, or his best friend is going through heartbreak and he doesn’t want to rub it in their face. Excuses after excuses, until you end up feeling like his dirty little secret.
Not only that, but he also won’t change his relationship status on Facebook or post any pictures of the two of you together. You need to decide whether this guy is worth your time after all.
Being kept a secret is not a path to a healthy relationship. It means whatever is going on in his head, he’s simply not treating you with the respect you deserve. He should be showing you off to everyone he knows, not keeping you hidden.
3. He doesn’t value your opinion
The man you’re with simply doesn’t seem to care about what you think and rarely seeks your opinion on anything. He doesn’t quite listen to your advice or connect with you emotionally. He talks and talks and talks and has an opinion on everything.
When you try to interject, he shuts you down, looks at his phone, or talks over you. Again, you feel a lack of respect and it makes you feel upset with him.
Why are you even with him? This man needs to adore you! He needs to stop and listen when you have something to say, not ignore your opinion.
4. He’s abusive
Abuse comes in many forms, and sometimes it’s hard to admit to yourself that you might be in an abusive relationship. There’s just something about him that doesn’t sit right with you. He raises his voice often. He sometimes raises his hand as a warning. He’s angry with you out of nowhere.
He is verbally or physically abusive. You need to understand that this man does not love you and you can’t give him your precious time. It’s time to leave – you deserve better.
Don’t think for a second that you have to be the woman who changes him and turns him into a better man. That’s not your job.
5. He’s a total mommy’s boy
A great guy loves and respects his mom. It’s a sign of emotional maturity and a healthy upbringing. But, there is a fine line between loving one’s mom and being a total mommy’s boy who will do anything their mom says – even disagree with the woman he loves.
If your guy won’t listen to you but listens to everything his mom says, you’ve got an issue. He clearly doesn’t respect you enough to put you first, so maybe you should leave him and let him go back to his mommy.
6. He is a cheat
Once a cheat, always a cheat, they say.
Well, almost always. People do change, so of course, you can give him the benefit of the doubt. However, cheating is still a huge relationship deal breaker and you should not ignore it if it happens.
Of course, it’s up to you and your boundaries in terms of what you consider cheating. Just make sure you don’t close your eyes to it or think that it’s an isolated incident.
7. He’s got anger issues
So, your partner’s got anger issues and it doesn’t look like he wants to work on them. He’s angry at everything and everyone, including you.
You are probably annoyed and maybe even a little scared of him at times. Major alarm bells should go off in your head if your partner can’t control his temper.
Don’t be afraid to call him out and threaten to leave him if he doesn’t seek professional help. You deserve better than this.
8. He’s a slob
No one is saying your partner needs to spend hours getting ready, but basic hygiene and effort still go a long way. It’s reasonable to expect at least a little bit of cleanliness and presentation from the man you’re dating.
If you are dating a slob, he’s probably not making an effort with how he looks, and the same applies to where he lives and most of his life. There are socks everywhere. He refuses to wash the dishes for days. He is messy and shows no self-respect.
While this isn’t a deal breaker for everyone, it can easily be one for you. You don’t have to accept being with someone who won’t make an effort in such a basic way.
9. He’s got substance abuse problems
If your boyfriend is more into alcohol, drugs, or gambling than he’s into you, it’s time to make a tough decision. You may be trying to help him get over it, but unless he’s ready for change, you might have to accept that it’s just a deal-breaker.
10. He alienates you from your friends
There are men out there who are so low in self-esteem that they choose to control the women they love. If you have ended up with a guy who alienates you from everything you held dear before meeting him, you need a proper wake-up call.
You are two separate individuals, and no one has the right to tell you who you should hang out with or not. If you really love him and crave his attention, you will probably see this as proof of how much he cares for you, and how much time he wants to spend with you…
…Until the day you wake up and realize you never see anyone else but him. Your entire life is about him and what he wants and needs from you. That’s not a sign of a healthy relationship – that’s a toxic one.
You need to get your life back and if he’s not okay with it, you know what you need to do.
11. He controls you
He starts by joking around, saying you shouldn’t go out with your girlfriends because he’ll be too lonely without you. You feel sorry for him and stay home with him. Another time he talks you out of traveling with your friends because he’s not invited.
Then he starts making subtle but firm comments about what you are wearing or that male friend at work he saw you talking to. He’s getting nervous and tries to control you. He makes a fuss about the littlest thing. It’s a serious deal breaker!
You might not notice straight away that he is trying to control you, but you know who can tell you the truth – your closest friends! They will certainly notice and won’t find his “subtle” hints cute. They will see them for what they are – signs of an insecure man trying to control his girlfriend.
12. He doesn’t care about your professional goals
Any committed relationship requires a certain dose of compromise. It’s the basis of growth and understanding. Partners sometimes take turns to make sacrifices so that they can both grow and pursue their ambitions.
If the man you’re with doesn’t care about your professional goals and always makes you follow him everywhere he goes, it’s time to take stock. Your career is not less valuable than his just because you are a woman!
He needs to respect your career aspirations and be your biggest fan, not expect you to move mountains to help him get to where he wants to be.
13. He’s terrible with money
If the man you’re with is terrible with money, that can ruin your relationship pretty quickly. Money is a sensitive topic, so you want to make sure that the guy you date knows what he’s doing before it gets more serious between the two of you.
14. He doesn’t have a job
You don’t have to put up with someone who is consistently unemployed, especially if it is to the extent that you are starting to think he doesn’t even want one. How can you have a serious committed relationship with him if he relies on benefits or an allowance from his parents?
It won’t work in the long run. If he expects you to start to pay for things, that’s even worse. This dynamic is not healthy and you need to get out of it.
15. He’s a workaholic
Yes, there is something equally bad as not having a job, and that is being a total workaholic. If your partner won’t leave the office until you are ready to go to bed, you’ve got a serious issue to resolve.
He needs to get his priorities right and learn that there’s more to life than work. Tell him that you won’t put up with it and he needs to get the balance right, no matter how important his career is to him.
16. The whole world is against him
If the man you love is constantly being negative about everything, it will start to rub off soon enough. He really feels like the whole world is against him and always whines about something or someone.
He sounds a bit lost and lacking purpose, and it’s okay if you don’t want to stick around until he gets more positive. He’s got you, how can he not be positive about life?
17. He won’t propose
If you’ve been together for ages and he knows how much you want to get married, yet won’t propose, you are probably feeling a little frustrated. You feel like things are going great between you, but he’s just not on the same page.
Whether it’s because he doesn’t feel ready, or he simply doesn’t believe in marriage, it’s probably time to have “the talk”.
18. He’s not over his ex
One of the biggest deal breakers in a relationship is when the man you love won’t let go of the past – and his ex. You feel like you just can’t compete. Even if his ex-girlfriend broke his heart, he’s still not over her.
He checks her out on social media, he makes cryptic comments about the past and you get the feeling that he’s comparing you to her. It makes you question the whole relationship and whether he even likes you.
19. You disagree on fundamental levels
Sometimes, no matter how much you like someone, you are just on completely different wavelengths. There can be a difference in viewpoints that you two just can’t reconcile. Or it could be a matter of difference in religion or political beliefs.
It doesn’t have to be a dealbreaker, but for a lot of couples, it is. It’s hard to ignore such a big part of someone for the sake of peace in the relationship. It’s just not that easy, and it can create a lot of resentment if you don’t talk about it openly.