We all know that guy who claims that he’s not ready for a relationship, yet he’s always there – following you around like a shadow, getting all the emotional benefits from you and failing to give you anything in return.
To understand why a guy keeps coming back to you even if he has no intention of actually asking you out or having a relationship, read on for our guide to some of the plausible reasons guys give for being everything but emotionally available.
Why Are Men Unable to Express Their Emotions?
A guy who says he’s not ready for another relationship or even a casual fling might not be. But if he’s still keeping you around, you need to examine why.
Men Are Terrible at Communication
You’ll never know what’s going on inside a man’s mind unless he chooses to tell you. When it comes to men and talking about their feelings, everyone knows they’d rather joke around than talk it out.
Rather than sharing their feelings, they prefer to keep their problems inside and focus on them repeatedly before they fade away.
They’re Afraid of Social Stigmas
They deal with emotions in such an improper way because that’s what society has taught them. Men find it so hard to express their feelings because there is an added social stigma attached.
Why Isn’t He Ready for a Relationship?
1. Another Girl Has Broken His Heart
This is the most common reason men don’t want to be in a relationship but yet won’t let you go. They’ve been disappointed before and aren’t sure how to give their “all” again. For them, being in a relationship will lead to just too much pain.
Getting your heart broken can be traumatic, and can take years for someone like this to recover.
2. He Broke Someone Else’s Heart
This isn’t always out of habit or because of an ulterior motive. Sometimes, people just don’t know what to do with another person’s heart. He might have hurt someone before and doesn’t want you to go through the same thing.
3. He Seeks Out Instant Gratification
This is a guy who just doesn’t want to be emotionally invested in anyone anymore. While they might have female friends to go to for emotional support, they are not interested in reciprocating the emotional investment.
These guys are only looking for quick flings, and aren’t afraid to admit it.
4. He Recently Ended a Controlling Relationship
Women can be narcissists and toxic too, and can also be the problematic pole of a relationship. If he has recently ended a controlling relationship, chances are he’s still emotionally scarred.
5. He’s Started to Have Confidence Issues
Failing relationships can have a huge emotional toll on a person. He might have asked girls out time and time again to be rejected or made fun of, which has negatively affected his self-esteem.
He doesn’t want to ask you out because he’s afraid of another “no.”
6. He’s Unsure About Your Feelings for Him
This one might be rare, but it’s still sometimes true. Guys who shadow you and hang out with you all the time might seek you out but don’t say what you want them to say because they feel unsure of themselves. They think you are out of their league and are afraid of popping the question that may or may not ruin your friendship forever.
7. He Lost Everyone He’s Ever Cared For
Call it the curse of true love or just bad luck, but this guy has lost everyone he’s ever had feelings for. Whether due to a fight, a death, or just growing apart, this guy has always loved and lost.
He isn’t interested in asking you out because he doesn’t want to lose you too.
8. He’s Sad or Depressed
Mental health is real and should be taken seriously. If the person you’re not getting romantic reciprocation from doesn’t feel his best self, there’s a good chance he’s not interested in a future with you just because they are dismal about his future altogether.
9. He Has Severe Commitment Issues
He’s still “exploring his options.” He wants to come back to you when he is stressed or has no one to talk to, but there’s very little that he gives back. He isn’t there in your time of need, and there is a good chance he won’t ever be.
Why Does Keep Asking You Out If He Doesn’t Want a Relationship?
The fact that he continues to return doesn’t imply that he loves you. In certain situations, it’s a matter of infatuation, commitment, or even just practicality.
1. You Keep Him Excited
Although he isn’t ready for a relationship, he genuinely enjoys your company. He’s used to your presence and appreciates anything you have to give him, including your wit, laughter, validation, moral reinforcement, empowerment, encouragement, and your presence when he’s bored.
2. His Prior Breakups Have Made Him Emotionally Obtuse
Although it might seem selfish, people behave in their own best interests after they’ve had a bad breakup. He will behave nicely and respectfully to you as long as he thinks he can profit from you, but as their thoughts and feelings shift and they begin to feel suffocated, they bare their fangs and retaliate with blatant disinterest.
3. He Sees a Benefit to Leading You On
Understand that if a man keeps leaving and returning, it’s not about you. He returns because he does not want to see anyone else benefit from what he had.
A guy like this is egotistical; he doesn’t want to see you happy – he just doesn’t want to see you with another man. He wants to be with you to keep you as his “property.” If he loved you, he would have never left you.
4. He Isn’t Sure What He’d Do Without You
People keep their exes, lovers, or almost romantic interests around because they don’t want to lose them entirely.
He wants to keep you at a safe distance from his life to make sure you’re not fully in it, but that you don’t go too far – because if he loses you, he will have to put in the effort to find someone else.
5. He Doesn’t Know How to Meet Your Expectations
He might have observed you reject guys time and time again, and he’s seen how uncompromising you are when it comes to having a good partner. If this is the case, he simply feels like he won’t be an adequate partner for you and will steer clear of asking you out.
6. He Doesn’t Like You, or Holds You in a Low Regard
He’s just not that into you. Maybe he simply doesn’t find you sexually appealing and believes he should be with someone more suitable for him – and when that suitable person comes along, the man you love or have a crush on will break your heart before you know it.
7. He Likes You – Just Not Like That
This isn’t particularly surprising. A man who doesn’t want to be in a relationship with you can hold you around because he wants to, and because you let him. He knows the door will always be open for him and that you’ll accept him if he says or does the right things.
It is not very pleasant, but that’s how people are. As long as you are available to him, he’ll keep you around. But the minute he sees something better, he’ll jump at it and leave you high and dry.
8. He’s Holding Out for Someone Better
Guys always use the excuse, “I’m not interested in dating,” whenever they’re asked out by a girl they don’t see in a romantic light. The truth is, they’re just not interested in dating you – they just don’t wish to remain single.
A man’s greatest fear is being alone – so you became the solution to his loneliness, until he finds someone he actually wants to be with.
9. He Knows You’re Vulnerable
He knows that despite anything he does, you’ll let things slide and take him back in. With that said, be careful not to be fooled by such tricks.
He simply returns to you for a fast fix, and the more times you let him, the less regard he has for you. He’ll keep coming back because he thinks you’re vulnerable emotionally. Shut the door, keep it closed, and show him you don’t need him!
10. He Wants The “Benefits”
You give him those advantages, and he wants them because it’s easy – and because he can’t get them anywhere else. When he’s rejected by someone else, he returns to the one who has always wanted him, will never abandon him, and will always give him what he want.
The Bottom Line
If you know he’s not interested in a relationship with you, it’s up to you to close the door, say no, and start noticing his patterns so you don’t fall prey to them.
As the saying goes, “hurt me once, shame on you – hurt me twice, shame on me.” He didn’t love you in the first place. Know your value, and respect yourself. Take a step back to consider if he’s really the right man for you and whether he’s really what you want.