Do you feel like your boyfriend isn’t taking you seriously? Is he pulling away when you try defining the relationship? Do you get the nagging feeling he likes his freedom a little too much?
Maybe you’ve been on and off again with a guy for a while and you have no idea how he feels about you. When you’re together, he’s all over you – but he keeps you at arm’s length for the rest of his life.
Men tend to keep a girl around knowing that she’s smitten, without committing. The worst thing is he won’t let you go – and will keep coming back, even if you try to move on from him.
It can feel really stressful and upsetting if a guy you like or love won’t truly commit to you. You probably feel rejected – wondering what’s wrong with you, whether there’s someone else on his radar, or whether he’s even worth having a relationship with.
If your relationship has been stuck in an uncommitted state for a while and you feel totally lost, you need a solution. You deserve someone who is truly committed to you and makes you his priority – and you need a man who is not simply dating material, but marriage material.
Life’s too short to waste on a guy who doesn’t know who he is, what he wants, or how to make a woman happy. There’s a point when enough is enough! If you feel like that moment is now, then read on for the five best things you can do when he just won’t commit.
1. Put him on probation.
So, you’ve been dating for a while – and he just won’t commit to being exclusive with you. Is he still on dating apps, checking out other women openly in front of you, going out with his friends, and not committing to plans together?
You need to take a step back and put the relationship on probation. He needs to know that you are ready to leave him unless he gets his act together. This is not about playing games; it’s showing enough courage to put your happiness first, as risky as it may feel to do so. You need to make this vital move to show him that you mean business.
It’s really hard when you truly like someone and you don’t want to push them away, but trust us – you’ll be doing the relationship (and yourself) a huge favor.
If he rises to the occasion and comes begging you to take him back, then you know you’ve got him! If he simply backs away and puts in zero effort, then you’ve got your answer.
He’s just not worth your time!
2. Make him truly miss you.
He needs to know that he could lose you to realize what he’s got in his life and decide to fight for it. If you’re always there, always available, and always hoping he’ll change his ways, then he’s probably taking you for granted.
If you accept him the way he is, why would he change a thing?
You need to show him what life is like when you’re not there. It might be heartbreaking to make this move, but what choice have you got? There’s no point wasting your life away with someone who will never be true to you.
Some things you can say to him to get your point across include:
- “I love you, but I don’t feel like you feel the same way.”
- “I have plans and a vision for my life and what kind of relationship I want to be in. If this isn’t for you, then you need to let me know sooner rather than later.”
- “If you never want to marry me, I don’t know why we are together in the first place. I am ready for that step after being together for so long.”
Whatever you choose to say, he might call it a bluff, but you have to follow through! Move out, stop calling him, and ignore his messages. He needs to feel the pain of missing you and realize the potential of losing you for good.
Check out How to Make Him Miss You and Want You Back for some next steps!
3. Be open with him.
A lot of men fear that once they commit to a girl, they’ll be handcuffed forever and will no longer have their independence. That’s it for them!
Be open with him and reassure him that you won’t take away his freedom. You just need more from him and the relationship than what you are currently getting. Being available whenever he needs you but not truly having him around just won’t cut it.
Show him that he’ll still have a life of his own even if he commits to you – whether that’s being exclusive, moving in together, or marrying you. Be the woman every man wants to have in his life – one that doesn’t try controlling the man next to her or changing his entire life.
Set some boundaries and ground rules. You know you don’t need to control him in order to keep him close. You’re smarter than that!
4. Prioritize yourself.
One way to show him he’s in the wrong by not committing to you is to simply make yourself a priority for a while. Go out more, travel without him, pick up a new hobby, and spend more time with your friends. Don’t ask for his approval or for him to join you. Don’t amend your weekly schedule to make time for him all the time.
Watch his behavior. Chances are, after a few days, he’ll start to notice the shift in your attitude and comment on it. He might even feel a massive FOMO watching you live your best life without him. It’s not about ignoring him entirely, but simply not sharing every single minute with him.
What makes him think he’s the most important person in your life? You’ve got plenty of things you could be doing, and plenty of other people you could be hanging out with. Teach him a lesson! And, never make someone else the number one priority in your life. That’s your lesson!
Remember that you are the prize, and you should never chase a man. Men should chase you! It’s in men’s nature to want what they have to fight for, so if you’ve made it too easy for him, it’s time to change your strategy.
Give him the opportunity to chase you and prove that he’s worthy of being with you.
5. Don’t be desperate.
No man will ever chase a naggy, clingy, desperate woman who won’t stop going on about commitment, living together, marriage, or kids. He might put up with it for a while, but it will never make him truly commit if that’s your long-term strategy.
Does nagging a man ever work? Will comparing him to other men who have committed to their girlfriends make him feel confident or make him feel good about you?
That’s a resounding NO! It’ll only make him associate you with negative feelings: feeling trapped, feeling criticized, feeling under pressure to be someone he’s not, and always being reminded he’s not good enough. You don’t want him to feel that way about you, do you? It’ll only breed resentment and push him away.
You need to be the high-value woman any man wants to commit to – and that takes courage and working on your confidence, day in and day out!
So, what actually makes a man commit?
If you’re still wondering what actually makes a man want to commit to you, it’s not as simple as black and white. If you make your stance clear to him and he doesn’t want to lose you he might start showing some signs of transformation – but some men just won’t.
Everything a person does in life is motivated by avoiding pain or gaining pleasure, so if the prospect of losing you will cause him pain, he’ll need to take a bold step towards you. If being with you is what makes him truly happy then he needs to show you that.
Some men don’t know how well they have it. They take finding a great woman who loves and cares for them for granted. You don’t want to be that woman, do you?
The worst thing a man can do is not commit and also not let you go. He may be jealous of other guys, but at the same time not ready to show the world he is your guy. He might be perfectly happy to cohabitate with you for years in a row and never pop the question. It can be utterly frustrating!
He might think that he’s giving you enough and be totally clueless about your needs. Make sure he knows!
Remember – stop chasing him; make space to see if he wants to chase you instead. It’ll do wonders for your confidence and is the best way to rekindle your relationship and enjoy your life.