Men aren’t perfect – and yet, once you get to know a guy and fall in love with him, you’ll still believe that he’s the greatest man on earth. Of course, there’s a huge learning curve when it comes truly getting to know a man.
Don’t assume that a guy thinks or feels the same things you think or feel. Men are different. Read on to learn more about them in our guide of 12 things nobody tells you about men.
1. Men can think about nothing.
It seems to always be a mystery to women how could a man possibly just sit there and think of nothing. Usually, a woman would start to get worried by a man’s silence. The following worrying questions come to a woman’s mind almost immediately…
- Is he thinking about how to break up with me?
- Has he stopped loving me?
- Does he think I’m boring?
- Why is he so quiet?
- Is he upset at me? Did I do something wrong?
The truth is that when a guy says he’s thinking about nothing, he isn’t lying. He means it! It might be hard to grasp but he truly doesn’t feel the need to think out loud like women do.
He isn’t being lazy, he isn’t being secretive, and he isn’t plotting your murder. He’s just seriously thinking about nothing.
2. Men are visual beings.
Men appreciate the visual stimulation of their brain, and their brain responds differently to a female one. Paired with the high levels of testosterone, accept that a man is simply hard-wired to check out women.
Most men do it subtly, but they still do it – and that’s totally normal, so don’t take it personally. In most cases testosterone impairs the brain region which controls impulses. That’s why we often see men ogle women, and the only way of describing it is as if they’re running on autopilot.
When it comes to your relationship, he will notice when you make an effort with your looks and he will love it. Just don’t ask him to distinguish between one outfit and another, or different shades of lipstick. He may be visual, but he’s not that detail-oriented!
He simply notices when you look particularly attractive, and he feels great knowing that you are making an effort for him.
3. Men need alone time.
Men enjoy having some alone time – and you shouldn’t take it personally or see it as rejection. After a few days of spending every moment together, he will appreciate some alone time and you’d do well to actually encourage him to recharge his batteries however he needs to -whether it be to hang out with his friends or simply spend time on his own.
The more things you plan for yourself without him, the more time he will also have to do what he likes as well. A little distance goes a long way. He’ll appreciate you giving him the space and will start missing you at the same time – which is really beneficial for any relationship.
4. Men don’t need to talk as much as you do.
It’s estimated that women speak over 20,000 words a day, on average, while men say 7,000-10,000. That’s a huge difference! He really doesn’t feel the need to speak as much as you do, and you shouldn’t expect him to.
He doesn’t recap every detail of his day at the office. He won’t take hours to discuss other people, and he certainly won’t feel like expressing his emotions for you in long essays.
Of course, there are always exceptions, and you could meet a guy who would out-speak you – but that’s just rare.
5. Men are logical, not emotional.
The majority of men out there prefer facts over feelings. If you want him to hear you out, don’t throw a plethora of emotions his way in the hopes that he’ll figure it out. He might not be able to comprehend or even relate to your emotions.
If your feelings have been hurt, the best way to spell it out for him is by following the traditional confrontation equation of:
When you said/did ______, it made me feel ______.
This works because it presents the facts that are true to you, which are tangible, and he can’t really argue with.
In the same sense, remember that men are goal oriented. Based on facts, he will look for solutions. If you go to him with a problem – whatever it may be, including outside of the relationship – he will try and fix it for you.
6. Men need encouragement.
No matter how strong or confident a guy seems, he needs encouragement and reassurance too. It comes in all shapes and forms, including stopping what you’re doing to listen to him, laughing at his jokes, or verbally telling him what a great job he did with cooking dinner.
Even if he acts like it isn’t a big deal, know that it is. He appreciates words of encouragement as much as you do. A man loves to believe that he’s making a difference and that the women he’s with believes in him. It empowers him – and makes him want to do better each time.
7. Men respond best to positive reinforcement and support.
Instead of having unrealistic expectations of him, learn to approach him in a coaching manner. Is he chewing really loudly in public? Does he always leave the toilet seat up? Does he tend to lose his cool when driving?
If you want your man to change or improve, coach him. Don’t use blame language or criticism to shed light on his problems. Find solutions, and be patient with him. Some habits will be hard to get rid of, but it’s not impossible.
Use positive reinforcement to show him how much you love it when he does things a certain way. The small steps over time is what will make the most positive change in his behavior, not the whining and nagging.
8. They love their “stupid” stuff.
There may be a lot of things that you find inexplicable about a man, including how passionate he gets during a football game, his inability to part ways with his 15-year-old hoodie, and the silly jokes and banter between him and his friends.
But, that’s okay! He doesn’t try to get in the way of the things you’re passionate about, like the 10 shades of red lipstick you own that you claim are all different! The key thing is to tolerate and accept his love for the silly things, and not get hooked on trying to change him.
9. They take on a lot of pressure.
Men in general tend to put a lot of pressure on themselves to do well, in all aspects of life – so don’t be surprised if you see him stressing about the pressures he encounters in his life, work and family. Men are raised to be confident, not to complain, to be providers, have a plan, and to always aim for more. Their biggest competition is themselves!
Every man out there measures success differently. Be kind to him, and accept that if he’s holding himself to a high standard, you’ll be hard pressed to tell him otherwise. Just because you think he’s doing enough or doing great, doesn’t mean he’s convinced himself.
While it’s important to show understanding and encouragement, its even more important that you accept that he has his own pace and goals – which can’t be determined solely by you.
Here’s a perfect example: If he tells you that he isn’t ready to propose, don’t pressure him just because all your girlfriends are engaged. Men need to be at a certain stage in life, making certain income, and feeling a certain way about their future before they’re ready to take that big step.
10. Men aren’t psychic.
One of the biggest reasons for misunderstandings and arguments in a relationship is the expectation that he can simply guess what she’s thinking. After a subtle hint or two, why shouldn’t he know what you expect from him?
The truth is, men can’t read your mind – and they’ll never be able to. If you tell him that you’re fine, he’ll just assume that you’re fine – and rightfully so.
Save yourself some serious disappointments and potential confrontation, and simply tell him what you think and what it is that you want. Don’t play games or expect him to read between the lines. Build quality communication where he knows exactly where you stand.
11. There’s a lot of guy stuff they can’t do
If you’ve never seen your man change a tire or hang a shelf, don’t be surprised to find out that he simply doesn’t know how to. Men are handy enough and pretty good with instructions, but there’s plenty of stuff they might not be able to do.
Be kind to him if something needs getting done and he needs to take his time to learn how. It’s important to him to do it well rather than to just get it done quickly because you expect it of him.
12. They can be big softies.
You may think that women are a lot more emotional than men, but you need to acknowledge that men have strong feelings too. He might appear strong and confident all the time, but he can also be a big softie.
He might also take things personally, and you might wonder why he’s being super quiet. He can get his feelings hurt too.
He might cry at a sad movie or get upset if his favorite team loses a game. Don’t make fun of him if he shows raw emotion in front of you – it means that he trusts you.