There are so many different types of relationships and so many different ways we talk about love, that it’s no surprise that there are also plenty of ways that love ends. The way a relationship comes to an end is usually different from one couple to another, but one thing is certain: It’s never pleasant!
Some breakups are really ugly, some are inevitable, and others may come as a total surprise to one of the partners.
Some breakups just happen because it wasn’t meant to be, and both parties are free to find someone better – unhinged by the past and unbroken.
Have you ever heard of someone having a happy breakup? Perhaps a happily divorced individual who finally moved away from their cheating spouse is a little different. But typically, no breakup can be truly labeled as happy!
Some say that “love is blind”. One good thing that can be said about breakups is that they are all about seeing and thinking clearly by getting rid of a relationship that just isn’t right – for one or both partners.
Read on to learn about the different types of breakups, and how they usually happen.
1. The Breakup Text
Perhaps the nastiest (and most cowardly) way to dump someone is to simply send a text message to end things. Whether it’s the dreaded “We need to talk” text, the “We should take a break for a while”, or even the completely brutal “I am dumping you!” text, they all have one thing in common: they are selfish.
Breaking up with someone over a text message shows that you don’t respect them enough to at least meet them and talk through it. It shows you are too scared to face them, because maybe you cheated, or your heart’s just not in it, or you like someone else. Whatever the reason, someone who breaks up over a text message isn’t worth crying over.
A breakup text says, “I want this to be over ASAP, and I just don’t care anymore.” It’s harsh, abrupt, and can come out of nowhere. Nearly all women out there probably got at least one breakup text in their life. It’s just inevitable; some men would refuse to meet a woman and explain what’s going on – they just find it easier to get out of the relationship this way.
Especially if he’s made up his mind or is already involved with another woman – why should he waste his time trying to explain himself and risk being asked to work and save the relationship?
Ghosting is one way to break up…by literally disappearing. Ghosting is more common than we’d like to admit it. Sometimes the relationship just isn’t working for one partner. But, instead of talking through it, they slowly but surely distance themselves to the point of completely vanishing.
Sometimes it happens over the course of a few weeks, and sometimes it happens overnight: no response to texts or calls, no showing up for pre-made plans, no way to get in touch with them – they just vanish, and don’t say a word about it.
The worst part about the ghosting break-up is that you might still feel haunted by their presence, by the lack of response to your multiple texts or the voicemails they never bothered to listen to. They vanish from your life and you start to wonder if they ever existed! How can it be so easy to just disappear, without a word?
Ghosting can be particularly painful because you never get the answers you need, you don’t know whether you did something wrong (you didn’t!), whether they met someone else, or whether they ever really liked you. You get no closure, so the healing process is painfully slow.
How can you move on when you don’t know what went wrong? Do they hate you? Are they saying bad things about you to their friends? The self-doubt can be excruciating and really ego-hurting.
3. The Mutual Breakup
This is the most peaceful way to end a relationship that just isn’t working anymore. You talk through it, and both admit that there’s nothing to do anymore. The breakup is good for both partners, who are free to meet new people who might be a better fit.
A mutual breakup isn’t necessarily easier, or less painful, but it provides the much necessary closure both partners need when things end. Even if they still love each other, they have accepted the fact that for a plethora of reasons the relationship isn’t going to work out. It’s a mature way to end a relationship without resentment or blame.
It sets you off on the path of healing quickly, so you can bounce back quicker too! Without feelings of resentment, betrayal or anger, it really is much easier to move on and be ready to meet someone new.
4. The “Someone Cheated” Breakup
The complete betrayal of having someone cheat on you will surely cause some of the strongest feelings you could ever experience in your life. Cheating breaks all trust in a relationship, shows lack of respect, neglect, selfishness, and cowardice.
The one who cheated didn’t have the decency to end things, instead choosing to sleep around – betraying all loyalty in the relationship. It shows complete disregard for the other person. While it doesn’t mean that they are happy or proud of themselves, it’s still a really nasty way to end a relationship.
A cheating breakup comes with a lot of anger, humiliation and real grief. Your relationship is over and it’s all their fault! Why did they cheat on you and not just leave you before messing about? You probably wish they didn’t tell you either, sometimes it feels like it’s just better not knowing. Because the pain of knowing is too much to bear!
Remember, it was their choice. No matter what the relationship was like – whether they were happy with you or not – they still chose to cheat, and nothing excuses that.
To spot a potential cheating partner, ask them early on about their past relationships. If they admit to cheating in the past, you can be sure it’s not going to be a one-off. Once a cheater, always a cheater.
5. Fear of Commitment Breakup
As painful as it may be, sometimes you need to leave someone in order to allow yourself the life you actually deserve. It usually comes down to – would they commit to you or not. What are they waiting for? Why is everything so painfully slow?
Whether it’s the fact he only sees you as a friend with benefits and nothing more or he won’t call you his girlfriend after months and months of serious dating, or he won’t propose after years or being together, you know in your heart that he’s playing it safe, and you are waiting around for him to make up his mind.
There’s a distance between you and he is never really ready for the next step, but enjoys keeping you around, knowing you love him and you won’t go away. You are fully committed, but he isn’t, and you get the feeling he will never be. That’s just the kind of guy he is.
The commitment phobe might be perfect for you and the relationship could be really loving, with nothing obviously wrong with it. But you just know that he won’t be the one you end up with. So what you need to do is put yourself first and leave him before he wastes more years of your life.
If you’ve tried ultimatums and he’s still not getting the message, then it’s time to show him that he can’t take you for granted anymore.
6. “Circumstances Got In The Way”
One breakup that is just way too hard to accept, is when circumstances get in the way of two people who seem perfect for one another. It can be so painful to make the decision to end things, even if it will be better for both in the long run.
Women sometimes refer to someone they dated a while back as “the one that got away”, or the “what if” person; The one that things seemed perfect with, but destiny somehow interfered and it just wasn’t meant to be.
What’s important to recognize in this type of breakup is that it’s possible for you to cling onto the hope that it might work out one day, that they will come back, or the belief that nobody else will ever match up to them.
Dwelling on the past, being unable to move on, and always trying to reconnect with them is a risky place to be in. Move on, and allow yourself to find happiness with someone new.
7. The Social Media Breakup
Imagine you’re ‘in a relationship’ with your boyfriend on Facebook, and things are going great. Until one day, all of a sudden, he changes his relationship status to ‘single’ – and doesn’t say a word to you about it.
Sometimes your mutual friends might notice the Facebook update before you do, and ring you up. This is another super cowardly way to break up with someone, perhaps even worse than the text breakup, if that is even possible!
It’s also particularly humiliating, and super painful, because it’s so definite and so public.
8. The Long-Distance Nightmare
It started off like true romance – you and your partner against the world, defying all odds of being together, fighting the time zones, the distance, and the circumstances that are all against you. But, time changes things – and you are now both exhausted of fighting for this relationship.
It seems like there’s no end in sight. You’re far from one another, and you feel lonely in your day-to-day life. Maybe face time has become a burden rather than something you look forward to with butterflies in your stomach. You know you need to make the painful decision to end things before even considering moving to be with each other.
It might feel like the wrong decision, or like giving up, so you tell yourself “just one more month… one more year…” But, in your heart, you know that it won’t work out. It’s never going to be easy to say goodbye to someone you love or someone you invested so much time in.
9. The Surprise Breakup
You thought things were going perfectly between the two of you. He’s met all your friends and family, you’ve traveled together, and maybe you’re thinking of moving in together. He’s great, and you have big hopes for a shared future together.
But, out of nowhere, he breaks up with you. You’re in complete shock, and feel like the world is falling around you. He’s just not feeling the same way anymore, and there is nothing you can do to change his mind. You can tell he’s moved on in his heart and is officially ending things.
It’s even more painful because he left you no choice. He simply said that’s it, and you couldn’t even work out what happened. The surprise breakup is always a surprise for only one partner, while the other one has likely been planning their exit for a long time.
10. The Romeo and Juliet Breakup
As much as you might love them, if the two of you are complete opposites or from totally different walks of life, then the breakup might be inevitable (as unfair as it may seem).
Whether it’s because of culture, religion or careers, sometimes the differences are just too big to overcome. You both might like to be with someone who is more on your page.
Going against family, church or another institution in order to be together can be too much to handle, and nobody will blame you if you simply want out.
Recovering From a Breakup
Once a breakup happens it’s normal to go through many different recovery stages, including:
- Shock and Denial. You feel numb, helpless, and don’t know what to do with yourself. You can’t believe this is happening to you, and you attack anyone who might say a bad word about your ex.
- Pain. The realization that you’ve been dumped hits you hard.
- Anger and Bargaining. Anger is a form of masking true feelings, and is also a coping mechanism. It is often redirected at other people who had nothing to do with the breakup.
- Depression. This is the quiet stage of a breakup where you begin to truly accept your situation, withdraw from normal activities, avoid people, and don’t have much of an appetite or desire to do anything. Everything feels pointless, and the idea of dating again is daunting.
- Acceptance and hope. In this upward turn, you start to come to terms with the fact you are single and that life goes on. You are beginning to feel like your old self again -ready to meet someone new and fall in love again.
If you want to know what type of guy you are dating, ask him what his last breakups were like. Nine times out of ten men reveal themselves early on; all you have to do is just ask.
But, the question is: if you spot a jerk a mile away, will you still stay with him?